Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Sample Response

As a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live extravagant lifestyles with huge houses and cars. Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing their salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country. However, sports professionals' salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of the sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue here. Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the numbers of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform in their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. There is a huge number of sports persons compared to those who have become successful and having a huge salary. It takes lots of practice, skills and time to become a sports icon. Again Sports personality like Sachin Tendulkar, Tiger Woods, Shane Warne inspires the new generation to be attracted to the games they play. So all of these factors may justify the huge earnings of the sports personality. The first reason why I think that such high salary is deserved by famous athletes and entertainers because we all need them. Entertainment plays an essential role in our everyday's life. We need to relax, watching TV with our favourite TV stars or favourite football players. Entertainment is one of the best ways to eliminate stress and tension and leave all troubles behind. For example, I can not stay home all day long without watching TV. So, basically, I believe that famous athletes and entertainers have such high salaries because we need them. They like doctors for our minds and soles. Scientists say that people usually spend the same amount of money for their food and entertainment. I think this fact tells a lot. The second reason for this is that famous athletes have to work hard in order to get good results. I am sure that achievements they make are the result of hard work, persistence and pain. They sometimes risk their lives and health. For example, I am a big fan of L. Amstrong, the most famous cyclist in world's history. He faced probably, the most challenging difficulty in his life, cancer. He was very young for this disease. Amstrong was in his early twenties when he found out about it. I read a book about his life, and what impressed me were his words after his victory in France. He said: "Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me ". He defeated the disease only because he believed in himself and did not give up. I think such person deserves to have a high salary and be loved by many people throughout the world. Personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on the sport than on the essential professions and achievements.

IELTS Writing Correction

  • 1. Fix number agreement Original: the numbers of professionals Suggested revision: the number of professionals Why it matters: The singular mass concept ‘number’ is required after ‘the’.
  • 2. Add the article Original: the money is recognition Suggested revision: the money is a recognition Why it matters: The singular count noun ‘recognition’ needs an article here.
  • 3. Use plural careers Original: in their relatively short career Suggested revision: during their relatively short careers Why it matters: The plural possessive pronoun ‘their’ requires the plural noun ‘careers’ in this context.
  • 4. Use natural term Original: sports persons Suggested revision: sportspeople Why it matters: ‘Sportspeople’ is the more natural collective term.
  • 5. Improve formal phrasing Original: lots of practice, skills and time Suggested revision: a great deal of practice, skill and time Why it matters: This wording is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
  • 6. Fix transition and number Original: Again Sports personality Suggested revision: Moreover, sports personalities Why it matters: The transition needs a comma, and the noun must be plural to match the examples and verb.
  • 7. Clarify the meaning Original: to be attracted to the games Suggested revision: to become interested in the games Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended influence on the next generation more naturally.
  • 8. Use plural noun Original: earnings of the sports personality Suggested revision: earnings of sports personalities Why it matters: The argument refers to sports professionals generally, so a plural noun is required.
  • 9. Fix fixed expression Original: world's history Suggested revision: world history Why it matters: The standard expression is ‘world history’ without a possessive.
  • 10. Fix possessive form Original: everyday's life Suggested revision: everyday lives Why it matters: ‘Everyday’ is an adjective and cannot take a possessive ending here.
  • 11. Show the method Original: relax, watching TV Suggested revision: relax by watching TV Why it matters: The preposition ‘by’ correctly links relaxing with the means used.
  • 12. Join the word Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The standard spelling of this modal negative is one word.

Suggested Rewrites

  • the numbers of professionals the number of professionals
  • the money is recognition the money is a recognition
  • in their relatively short career during their relatively short careers
  • sports persons sportspeople
  • lots of practice, skills and time a great deal of practice, skill and time
  • Again Sports personality Moreover, sports personalities
Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The response addresses both perspectives and ends with a nuanced personal view, while its examples show why elite sport can command high rewards. Its main limitation is severe overextension: the single-block essay repeats the justification case, shifts into a second line of argument about entertainers, and gives the unfairness view comparatively little development. Rebuild it as four focused paragraphs and give each side one distinct, fully explained reason.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.

TR

Task Response

6.5
Feedback

Both views and a personal opinion are present, but the unfairness case is underdeveloped while overlapping arguments for high salaries are repeated at excessive length.

Next step

Develop one reason for unfairness and one reason for justification equally, then state how those reasons lead to the final nuanced position.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

5.5
Feedback

Individual ideas are often connected, but the 588-word single paragraph, repeated reasoning, and abrupt shift to entertainers prevent effective overall progression.

Next step

Use an introduction, one paragraph per view, and a concise opinion conclusion, removing the duplicated discussion of hard work and public need.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Feedback

There is enough range to discuss responsibility, celebrity, dedication, pressure, and entertainment, but frequent inaccurate choices such as "sports personality" and "minds and soles" reduce precision.

Next step

Use consistent natural terms such as "sports professionals," "public demand," and "mental wellbeing" and proofread names and spelling.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.5
Feedback

A mixture of simple and complex forms usually communicates the message, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and sentence-formation errors reduce control.

Next step

Repair incomplete patterns such as "The first reason ... is because" and check plural agreement in sentences about athletes and sports personalities.

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