Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Should domestically trained specialists in areas such as medicine and engineering be obliged to pursue their careers in their homeland or should they be given the choice of working abroad? In this essay, I shall discuss both sides of this controversial issue before going on to state why I tend to agree with the need for them to remain in their countries at least in the short-term.
Those in favour of making graduates from these highly skilled professions stay and work in the country where they studied, often stress that the cost of higher education in many countries is subsidised by taxpayers and that thanks to government funding, talented students from any background will be able to realise their potential. The argument, therefore, is that these alumni owe a debt of gratitude to the society that helped them. Furthermore, in many developing countries, the need to maximize all available resources, including the human variety, is of the utmost importance. These countries cannot afford to lose such valuable talent, especially after investing in it.
However, there are many who believe that it must be left to the individual to choose whether to stay or re-locate in another country. After devoting years of their lives to study while perhaps neglecting personal relationships and running up considerable debt, seeking opportunities elsewhere to enjoy a better lifestyle and earn a higher salary as well as the chance to further their academic and professional careers, should not be denied. Besides, if there are no restrictions on people from other walks of life, such as those in business or even the arts such as music, dance and acting, from migrating, then why should doctors and engineers be prevented?
There seem to be valid reasons on both sides of the argument and ideally, everyone should be free to decide where they wish to live and work. However, I believe that particularly in the case of developing countries, professionals in key areas most closely related to development, such as health, engineering and education, must make some kind of contribution even if that might be limited to, say, a minimum of three years’ service to the state upon graduating.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the subject comma Original: where they studied, Suggested revision: where they studied Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the sentence subject from its verb.
- 2. Keep the general present Original: will be able to realise Suggested revision: are able to realise Why it matters: Present tense fits the surrounding general claim about the effect of current funding.
- 3. Use the standard term Original: the human variety Suggested revision: human resources Why it matters: Human resources is the established term for a country's available skilled people.
- 4. Remove the hyphen Original: re-locate Suggested revision: relocate Why it matters: Relocate is conventionally written as one unhyphenated word.
- 5. Avoid repeated phrasing Original: the arts such as music Suggested revision: the arts, including music Why it matters: Including avoids repeating such as twice in the same clause.
- 6. Separate the clauses Original: argument and ideally, Suggested revision: argument, and ideally, Why it matters: A comma is needed before and because it joins two independent clauses.
- 7. Remove vague wording Original: some kind of contribution Suggested revision: a contribution Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase states the same idea without an unnecessary vague modifier.
- 8. Reduce excessive hedging Original: even if that might be limited to, say, Suggested revision: even if it is limited to Why it matters: The revision retains the qualification while removing stacked hedges.
- 9. Remove an unnecessary modifier Original: both sides of this controversial issue Suggested revision: both sides of this issue Why it matters: Controversial adds little because the two opposing views already establish disagreement.
- 10. State the purpose concisely Original: before going on to state why I tend to agree with Suggested revision: before explaining why I support Why it matters: The shorter phrase presents the writer's purpose more directly.
- 11. Use a controlled structure Original: making graduates from these highly skilled professions stay and work Suggested revision: requiring graduates in these highly skilled professions to stay and work Why it matters: The revised gerund phrase is more concise and grammatically controlled.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: After devoting years of their lives to study while perhaps neglecting personal relationships and running up considerable debt, seeking opportunities elsewhere to enjoy a better lifestyle and earn a higher salary as well as the chance to further their academic and professional careers, should not be denied. Suggested revision: After devoting years of their lives to study, perhaps neglecting personal relationships and accumulating considerable debt, individuals should not be denied opportunities elsewhere to enjoy a better lifestyle, earn a higher salary, and further their academic and professional careers. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the introductory participle a human subject and fixes the faulty coordination.
Suggested Rewrites
- where they studied, where they studied
- will be able to realise are able to realise
- the human variety human resources
- re-locate relocate
- the arts such as music the arts, including music
- argument and ideally, argument, and ideally,
Why this response received Band 9.0
The essay fully addresses both views and sustains a clear, nuanced position, supported by relevant arguments about public investment, national needs, professional freedom, and personal sacrifice. Its organisation and language are highly controlled; the main limitation is a small number of awkward or overpunctuated constructions. The best refinement is to remove these minor phrasing and punctuation lapses while preserving the balanced, precise development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth, and the qualified opinion is clear, consistent, and convincingly supported throughout.
For further refinement, make the proposed service requirement's practical justification slightly more explicit in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress seamlessly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used naturally and unobtrusively.
Maintain this clear progression while trimming the formulaic signposting in the introduction for an even more direct opening.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys complex arguments naturally, with only an isolated awkward phrase such as human variety.
Replace the rare imprecise collocation with the standard term human resources while retaining the essay's flexible lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are handled with considerable flexibility and control, although a few commas and one long construction create minor lapses.
Remove commas that separate a subject from its verb and recast the long sentence beginning with After devoting to avoid a dangling modifier.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.