Should the same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? Discuss.
Sample Response
Firstly, tobacco does not differ much from heroin when it comes to the addictive effect. Nicotin, the active ingredient in tobacco, exerts its effect by acting directly on smoker’s brain cells. Numerous experiments carried out by scientist on animals, specailly rats, proved that this toxic chemical does lead by time to dependency, just similarly to the effect experienced with herion.
Secondly, the restriction on cigerattes selling would surely show an instant decline in tobacco smoking. ” Having easy access to cigarettes puts a tremendous pressure, especially on teenagers,to resist such a temptation” Dr.Hisham, head of Pschycology department at Alexandria Medical college, states firmly. “Giving the new generation the sense that the severity of smoking is equivilant to other lethal drugs usage woulod be a life saving step, they will thank us for as they get older.” he continues.
To recapitulate, applying of a futuristic law such as the suggested one will definetly have a positive impact,not only on young people’s health but on our society as a whole.
Well done! This is a good essay, however, you should take care of your spelling.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct spelling Original: Nicotin Suggested revision: Nicotine Why it matters: The substance is spelled 'nicotine'.
- 2. Add singular article Original: smoker’s Suggested revision: a smoker’s Why it matters: A singular countable possessive needs an article here.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: scientist Suggested revision: scientists Why it matters: Experiments would be carried out by scientists in the plural.
- 4. Correct spelling Original: specailly Suggested revision: especially Why it matters: The adverb is misspelled.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: does lead by time to dependency Suggested revision: eventually leads to dependence Why it matters: This wording expresses the gradual result naturally and precisely.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: just similarly Suggested revision: similarly Why it matters: 'Just' is redundant with 'similarly' in this comparison.
- 7. Correct spelling Original: herion Suggested revision: heroin Why it matters: The drug name is misspelled.
- 8. Correct sales phrase Original: cigerattes selling Suggested revision: cigarette sales Why it matters: This replacement fixes the spelling and uses the standard noun phrase.
- 9. Use accurate collocation Original: show an instant decline Suggested revision: cause an immediate decline Why it matters: A restriction can cause a decline rather than show one.
- 10. Remove incorrect article Original: a tremendous pressure Suggested revision: tremendous pressure Why it matters: 'Pressure' is uncountable in this expression.
- 11. Correct department name Original: Pschycology department Suggested revision: Psychology Department Why it matters: This fixes the spelling and capitalizes the named department.
- 12. Correct spelling Original: equivilant Suggested revision: equivalent Why it matters: The adjective is misspelled.
Suggested Rewrites
- Nicotin Nicotine
- smoker’s a smoker’s
- scientist scientists
- specailly especially
- does lead by time to dependency eventually leads to dependence
- just similarly similarly
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear position and a straightforward progression from addiction to the likely effect of prohibition. Its main limitation is that it is substantially under length, offers only brief support, and includes an irrelevant closing comment, while frequent spelling and phrasing errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to develop both the legal comparison and its practical consequences with well-explained evidence before proofreading carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear supporting position is presented, but the response is substantially under length and the main reasons are only briefly developed.
Explain the consequences of treating tobacco like heroin in greater depth and address a possible objection to the proposed law.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasons follow a recognizable sequence with separate paragraphs, although progression is basic and the inserted quotation and closing comment disrupt the flow.
Use a purposeful introduction and integrate supporting evidence smoothly instead of relying on mechanical sequencing and a long quotation.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant less common vocabulary, but frequent spelling errors and inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Proofread recurring spellings and replace awkward phrases with accurate forms such as tobacco sales restrictions and growing dependence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences conveys the main meaning, but article, agreement, preposition, and punctuation errors recur.
Prioritize accurate noun phrases, subject-verb agreement, and sentence punctuation when revising complex ideas.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Should the same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.