Some believe that only people with more years in a company must get promotions. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
It is considered that years’ experience is guaranteed promotion of any employee in a company. In my perspective, only many years cannot determine the promotion of a person. Other factors such as persons hard work, qualification and involvement in outdoor activities of a company also matter.
To begin with, Although one cannot deny the reality that spending many years in a company bring promotion to them. In other words, every worker has started from standard payment, and he gets an increase in wages annually and transferring to another designation is a long process. So, they must be promoted. But I consider that person’s hard work and qualifications do make a difference. For instance, if any newcomer has just started his career in any firm and does hard labour to make a profit for his company; then, he must not be deprived of getting any promotion. He is equally able to get advancement in his respective job. To be more specific, what is the use of that if a person spends his many years in a firm; but, his contribution to the betterment of a company is inconsiderable. So, other factors must be considered while making any encouragement in employment.
Furthermore, if a person is upgrading his qualification and improving his communication skills; and adopting himself according to the requirements of a company; then, he is also able to improve his designation. So, only utilising many years is not only a single factor that determines the promotion of a person. For instance, in some corporations, it is expected that employees must be equipped with certain soft skills due to dealing with different clients of a nation. So, if a worker is investing his time to improve his personality, even at a young age; then, he must be pondered to get further increments. This thing will motivate them to do their best for the upliftment of a company.
To conclude Thus, I think a long time in any organisation does not tell that a person is able to get a promotion. Other factors must be met for encouraging the workers to do valuable activities for their company. If it is done, a ray of hope will arise among personnel to do hard work to get a promotion at any age within the specific time period.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct fixed phrase Original: In Suggested revision: From Why it matters: The standard expression is “from my perspective.”
- 2. Express emphasis clearly Original: only many years Suggested revision: years of service alone Why it matters: This phrase clearly conveys that length of service by itself is insufficient.
- 3. Fix possession and number Original: persons hard work, qualification Suggested revision: a person’s hard work, qualifications Why it matters: The possessive needs an article and apostrophe, while “qualifications” is naturally plural here.
- 4. Clarify activity type Original: outdoor activities of a company Suggested revision: company activities outside work Why it matters: The revision more clearly expresses participation in activities organised beyond normal work duties.
- 5. Correct tense and phrase Original: has started from standard payment Suggested revision: starts on a standard salary Why it matters: The general statement needs the present simple and the natural phrase “starts on a salary.”
- 6. Use concise collocation Original: he gets an increase in wages annually Suggested revision: he receives an annual pay rise Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise expression for a yearly wage increase.
- 7. Use natural job term Original: transferring to another designation Suggested revision: moving to another position Why it matters: “Position” is the appropriate term for a job role in this context.
- 8. Add indefinite article Original: that Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article in this general reference.
- 9. Improve promotion wording Original: equally able to get advancement Suggested revision: equally eligible for advancement Why it matters: “Eligible for advancement” is the natural collocation for suitability for promotion.
- 10. Remove incorrect possessive Original: spends his many years Suggested revision: spends many years Why it matters: The possessive “his” is unnecessary before the quantity phrase.
- 11. Correct conjunction punctuation Original: firm; but, Suggested revision: firm, but Why it matters: A comma before “but” is sufficient, and no comma should follow the conjunction.
- 12. Choose precise adjective Original: inconsiderable Suggested revision: insignificant Why it matters: “Insignificant” naturally describes a contribution that has little value or impact.
Suggested Rewrites
- In From
- only many years years of service alone
- persons hard work, qualification a person’s hard work, qualifications
- outdoor activities of a company company activities outside work
- has started from standard payment starts on a standard salary
- he gets an increase in wages annually he receives an annual pay rise
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a consistent opinion and offers relevant reasons for considering performance, qualifications, and communication skills alongside seniority. Its main limitation is that these ideas become repetitive and are frequently expressed through inaccurate collocations and unstable sentence structures, weakening clarity and force. The highest priority is to build fewer, more fully developed arguments using precise employment vocabulary and carefully controlled complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported with relevant alternatives to seniority, although some points are repetitive or only loosely explained.
Select two distinct promotion criteria and develop each through a clear explanation and a specific, plausible workplace example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a recognizable progression, but repetitive discourse markers and loosely connected sentences make the argument feel mechanical.
Organize each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use referencing and transitions selectively rather than repeatedly beginning sentences with So.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad employment-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Use precise workplace expressions such as promotion criteria, job performance, professional development, and consideration for advancement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, possessives, punctuation, and clause construction limit grammatical control.
Build complete sentences with one clear main clause, then check agreement and punctuation before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that only people with more years in a company must get promotions. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.