The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat.
Sample Response
Today, the number of species under extinction threat is increasing and that is showing us the importance of biodiversity. Fortunately, it is not too late to maintain biodiversity. With small but effective changes we can save many species. First of all, reducing the water pollution can create a great relieve on water species. According to the biologists, the 80 % of all existing creatures are living in the water. Water Pollution is reducing the kinds and population of that creature day by day.
Chemical and biological wastages are kept polluting fresh water reserves and seas. For example every year a million gallon of polluted water was discharged into the rivers and sea in Istanbul. Because, there were no sewer treatment facilities in Istanbul, the sea became too polluted and there was nearly no underwater life. After government decided and build sewer treatment facilities,
Water reserves and sea have become clearer and it has a great impact on biodiversity. Today curious eyes can even see the dolphins in there. Another caution for maintaining biodiversity is forestation. Today most of the land creatures are need forests for living and forestation can create new living areas for many kinds of creatures, especially for mammals. The best example of it is the city of Abu Dhabi. İn the seventies, Emirate of Abu Dhabi decided to create a forest in the desert. After a well-organised forestation plan, they managed to create a forest and today it is a great attraction point to people who want to see the forest habitat. There are many kinds of creatures from mammals to endemic insects. As a result, today extinction is a great threat to many species. The pollution caused by people and deforestation causes great risks for many kinds of species. On the other hand, it is not too late for many of them. With small action, we can prevent the extinction of a lot of species and we can maintain the biodiversity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the collocation Original: under extinction threat Suggested revision: threatened with extinction Why it matters: This is the standard expression for species at risk of disappearing.
- 2. Use the simple present Original: is showing us Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: The simple present is more natural for this general observation.
- 3. Remove the article Original: reducing the water pollution Suggested revision: reducing water pollution Why it matters: Water pollution is used as an uncountable general noun here.
- 4. Use the noun form Original: great relieve Suggested revision: great relief Why it matters: Relief is the required noun; relieve is a verb.
- 5. Use a natural phrase Original: on water species Suggested revision: for aquatic species Why it matters: Aquatic species is the conventional term, and relief is provided for them.
- 6. Remove the article Original: According to the biologists Suggested revision: According to biologists Why it matters: No definite group of biologists has previously been identified.
- 7. Format the percentage Original: the 80 % Suggested revision: 80% Why it matters: A percentage used generally does not take the, and the symbol follows the number directly.
- 8. Use precise nouns Original: kinds and population Suggested revision: diversity and populations Why it matters: These nouns accurately express variety and the numbers of multiple species.
- 9. Fix number agreement Original: that creature Suggested revision: those creatures Why it matters: The reference is to multiple kinds of creatures, so a plural form is needed.
- 10. Fix noun and verb forms Original: wastages are kept polluting Suggested revision: waste continues to pollute Why it matters: Waste is normally uncountable here, and continues to pollute is the correct construction.
- 11. Use the plural unit Original: a million gallon Suggested revision: a million gallons Why it matters: A quantity greater than one requires the plural unit gallons.
- 12. Add the article Original: rivers and sea Suggested revision: rivers and the sea Why it matters: Sea requires the definite article in this general geographical reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- under extinction threat threatened with extinction
- is showing us shows
- reducing the water pollution reducing water pollution
- great relieve great relief
- on water species for aquatic species
- According to the biologists According to biologists
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a relevant focus on protecting biodiversity and supports two practical measures with concrete examples. However, frequent grammatical and lexical errors, along with disrupted paragraph boundaries, reduce precision and make parts of the argument awkward to follow. Prioritise accurate sentence construction and organise each solution into a complete, clearly separated paragraph before refining the examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response presents a clear general position and develops two relevant solutions, but some supporting claims are imprecise and not fully persuasive.
Explain more explicitly how each proposed measure protects threatened species and avoid unsupported numerical or geographical claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence from water protection to forestation is understandable, but paragraph breaks split sentences and combine distinct stages of the essay.
Give the introduction, each main solution, and the conclusion their own complete paragraphs with controlled internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss environmental causes and solutions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as extinction threat, water species, and another caution with precise, conventional environmental vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains mostly clear, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb forms, and sentence boundaries limit grammatical control.
Practise building complete complex sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, plurals, and past-tense forms.