Some people say that too much time and resources are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people argue that protecting wild animals and birds is a waste of time and money. I completely disagree with this point of view.
Many current practices involving the use of animals illustrate that governments have not invested enough time in the issue of animal welfare. For example, lawmakers have banned the use of wild and exotic animals for entertainment purposes, yet wild animals are still kept in captivity for circuses. This inconsistency between law-making and law enforcement suggests that the issue is not being taken seriously enough by those in power. Furthermore, it seems that an educational approach is unlikely to change people’s awareness about the issue. For many years, people have underestimated the role of wild animals, and many today still hold a belief that wild animal products have exceptional powers. To re-educate such people requires patience and consistency.
In addition to this, resources spent on wildlife protection are still limited. Many authorities believe that wild animal and bird conservation is only of minor importance, and human welfare is far more of a priority. This is why governments are not willing to allocate large amounts of funds and resources to the conservation of wild animals, which makes it difficult for organisations that are actually trying to make a difference. For instance, in Vietnam, we do not see any long-lasting bird conservation campaigns due to a lack of funding from the government, and it is non-governmental organizations that currently raise the funds to take care of existing wild birds.
In conclusion, while there is some time and resources spent on wild animal and bird protection, I believe that far more resources are needed to achieve that ultimate goal.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: invested enough time in the issue of animal welfare Suggested revision: devoted enough attention to animal welfare Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses insufficient governmental attention more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Make wording concise Original: for entertainment purposes Suggested revision: in entertainment Why it matters: This shorter phrase conveys the same meaning without unnecessary wording.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: change people’s awareness about the issue Suggested revision: raise people’s awareness of the issue Why it matters: English normally uses “raise awareness of” rather than “change awareness about.”
- 4. Reduce wordiness Original: hold a belief that wild animal products have exceptional powers Suggested revision: believe that wild animal products have exceptional powers Why it matters: The direct verb makes the claim more concise without changing its meaning.
- 5. Use a clearer subject Original: To re-educate such people Suggested revision: Re-educating such people Why it matters: A gerund subject connects more naturally to the singular verb “requires.”
- 6. Sharpen the comparison Original: far more of a priority Suggested revision: a far higher priority Why it matters: This is a more direct and idiomatic way to compare priorities.
- 7. Avoid awkward quantity Original: large amounts of funds and resources Suggested revision: substantial funding and resources Why it matters: “Funding” is an uncountable noun and fits this formal context more naturally.
- 8. Keep spelling consistent Original: organizations Suggested revision: organisations Why it matters: Use the same British spelling already used for “organisations” earlier in the paragraph.
- 9. Choose precise wording Original: long-lasting bird conservation campaigns Suggested revision: sustained bird conservation programmes Why it matters: “Sustained” more precisely describes conservation activity maintained over time.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: funding from the government Suggested revision: government funding Why it matters: The noun phrase is more concise and natural in formal writing.
- 11. Use conservation language Original: take care of existing wild birds Suggested revision: protect wild bird populations Why it matters: This phrase states the conservation purpose more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- invested enough time in the issue of animal welfare devoted enough attention to animal welfare
- for entertainment purposes in entertainment
- change people’s awareness about the issue raise people’s awareness of the issue
- hold a belief that wild animal products have exceptional powers believe that wild animal products have exceptional powers
- To re-educate such people Re-educating such people
- far more of a priority a far higher priority
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent disagreement and supports it with relevant examples about enforcement, public attitudes, and funding, while maintaining strong control of organisation and language. Its main limitation is that some reasoning is slightly broad or awkwardly connected, particularly the shift from ineffective education to the need for re-education; clarifying that relationship and making each example's relevance more explicit would strengthen the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and the two main arguments are relevant and well supported with concrete examples.
Clarify the logic connecting persistent misconceptions, the limits of education, and the need for greater investment of time.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and effectively.
Strengthen the internal transition between the enforcement example and the discussion of public education.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of conservation, legislation, funding, and public attitudes.
Refine a few collocations, such as people's awareness of the issue, to make expression consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the rare errors do not affect communication.
Check agreement in mixed noun phrases, especially the concluding phrase some time and resources are spent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that too much time and resources are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.