Healthcare cost is increasing, and many governments are finding it difficult to balance their healthcare budget. To tackle this issue, some people suggest that citizens should be solely responsible for their own healthcare costs with private health insurance, while others suggest that the government should provide free health services for all. Disccuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The issue of healthcare costs and how they should be managed is a topic of significant debate in many countries around the world. There are differing opinions on whether citizens should have the responsibility to cover their own medical expenses through private health insurance or if a comprehensive healthcare system that offers free health services to everyone is a better alternative. In my opinion, a comprehensive healthcare system that provides free health services for all is the better option.
It is true that sometimes private healthcare providers can offer better quality care and that competition between providers can drive innovation and improvements in the healthcare sector. But it is not affordable for all and the government must look after the health of its citizens.
Healthcare is a fundamental human right and should be available to all regardless of their financial situation. They believe that a system in which only those who can afford to pay for private health insurance receive the best quality care is inherently unfair. A comprehensive healthcare system also ensures that preventative care is provided to everyone, reducing the burden on emergency services and reducing the overall cost of healthcare.
Moreover, healthcare is a basic human right and should not be determined by an individual's ability to pay for private insurance. It is the responsibility of the government to provide essential services to all citizens, and healthcare is one such service. A comprehensive healthcare system will ensure that all citizens have access to quality care, regardless of their financial situation, and will reduce the overall cost of healthcare in the long term.
In conclusion, the issue of healthcare costs and the provision of healthcare services is a complex one that requires careful consideration. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of the government to balance healthcare budgets and ensure that citizens have access to affordable and quality healthcare services.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the referent Original: They believe that Suggested revision: Supporters of universal healthcare believe that Why it matters: No plural group precedes ‘They’, so the referent must be stated explicitly.
- 2. Open more directly Original: The issue of healthcare costs and how they should be managed Suggested revision: How healthcare costs should be managed Why it matters: The revision states the subject more directly and concisely.
- 3. Reduce wordiness Original: a topic of significant debate Suggested revision: widely debated Why it matters: The shorter adjective phrase conveys the same meaning without a padded noun construction.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: There are differing opinions on whether Suggested revision: Opinions differ on whether Why it matters: The active construction is more concise and direct.
- 5. Keep parallel alternatives Original: or if Suggested revision: or whether Why it matters: Repeating ‘whether’ creates a balanced whether-or structure.
- 6. Avoid redundant comparison Original: a better alternative Suggested revision: preferable Why it matters: ‘Preferable’ expresses the comparison without the vague noun ‘alternative’.
- 7. Vary repeated wording Original: the better option Suggested revision: the preferable option Why it matters: This avoids repeating ‘better’ from the preceding sentence.
- 8. Signal concession clearly Original: It is true that sometimes Suggested revision: Admittedly, Why it matters: The transition marks the concession more directly and concisely.
- 9. Clarify vague reference Original: But it is not affordable for all Suggested revision: However, private healthcare is not affordable for everyone Why it matters: Naming private healthcare removes the vague pronoun and strengthens the contrast.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: look after the health of its citizens Suggested revision: safeguard its citizens’ health Why it matters: The revision is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 11. Strengthen the pivot Suggested revision: Keep the concession about provider quality and competition, then make the contrast to affordability and government responsibility explicit. Why it matters: A clearer concession-to-counterargument sequence would improve progression within this short paragraph.
- 12. Combine repeated arguments Suggested revision: Merge this paragraph with paragraph 3 because both begin with healthcare as a right and repeat the same access and cost points. Why it matters: Combining overlapping material would reduce repetition and create a more unified case.
Suggested Rewrites
- They believe that Supporters of universal healthcare believe that
- The issue of healthcare costs and how they should be managed How healthcare costs should be managed
- a topic of significant debate widely debated
- There are differing opinions on whether Opinions differ on whether
- or if or whether
- a better alternative preferable
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear preference for publicly funded healthcare and supports it with coherent points about fairness, access, and prevention. However, the private-insurance view receives only brief treatment and several arguments for the preferred view are repeated rather than extended; the highest priority is to develop the opposing case fully before answering it with distinct, specific reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, but the private-insurance case is brief while the preferred position is repetitive.
Develop the private-insurance argument with a full explanation and example, then rebut it with a distinct reason rather than repeating the human-rights claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall direction and appropriate paragraphing, though repeated ideas and an unclear pronoun weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph a separate function and ensure pronouns such as they have an explicit referent.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of appropriate healthcare and policy vocabulary with generally accurate word choice.
Increase flexibility by varying repeated phrases such as comprehensive healthcare system and reduce quality care through more precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with only occasional minor problems in reference and sentence linkage.
Refine the few loosely connected sentences and check that every pronoun has a clear grammatical and logical antecedent.
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