Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Sample Response
Allow me to present the three positive sides of smoking. Firstly, smoking certainly helps many people to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have exam, like to smoke to reduce the pressure or tension. Most of the people like to smoke when they are relaxing with friends. Secondly, governments throughout the world make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds which are used for building school, hospital and public places such as parks, gardens, sports ground and foot paths. Thirdly, tobacco industry also employs tens of thousands of people all over the world, particularly in poorer countries such as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs.
Despite these positive effects there are lots of negative effects to smoking too. Initially, smoking has been proven to be very dangerous for health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances, therefore, it causes for many dangerous diseases such as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report in Britain close to 3,500 people are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are killed by smoking. Furthermore, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of people who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover, passive smoking is also a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among people who do smoke. In the UK children whose parents are smoke are three times as likely to start smoking themselves _.
In short, I think the world would be a better place without cigarettes. However, the decision of whether _ smoke or not to smoke should be for each individual to make. I suggest that people should not smoke in a room or a place where there are non smokers, however they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
This is a very good essay, you have made your arguments well and set out the paragraphs as required. However, pay attention to your use of assertive statements e.g. ‘Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs’. Perhaps they would gain employment in another industry – we cannot be sure. Over all, well done!
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a precise noun Original: three positive sides of smoking Suggested revision: three benefits of smoking Why it matters: Benefits is a more concise academic term for positive aspects.
- 2. Remove the article Original: Most of the people Suggested revision: Most people Why it matters: Most directly modifies people when referring to people in general.
- 3. Use plural nouns Original: building school, hospital and public places Suggested revision: building schools, hospitals and public places Why it matters: The general categories school and hospital need plural forms in this list.
- 4. Correct plural and spelling Original: sports ground and foot paths Suggested revision: sports grounds and footpaths Why it matters: The general facility should be plural, and footpath is written as one word.
- 5. Add the definite article Original: tobacco industry also Suggested revision: the tobacco industry Why it matters: The industry as a whole requires the definite article, while also repeats the meaning of Thirdly.
- 6. Add introductory comma Original: Despite these positive effects there are Suggested revision: Despite these positive effects, there are Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory prepositional phrase from the main clause.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: lots of Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Many is more concise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 8. Fix the preposition Original: negative effects to smoking too Suggested revision: negative effects of smoking Why it matters: Effects of smoking is the correct prepositional pattern, and too is redundant here.
- 9. Use a logical transition Original: Initially Suggested revision: More importantly Why it matters: Initially implies a time sequence, whereas the paragraph is shifting to a more important opposing point.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: dangerous for health Suggested revision: harmful to health Why it matters: Harmful to health is the standard collocation for this meaning.
- 11. Set off location phrase Original: Britain close to 3,500 Suggested revision: Britain, close to 3,500 Why it matters: The introductory location phrase needs a comma before the main clause continues.
- 12. Use precise phrasing Original: killed by smoking Suggested revision: die from smoking-related causes Why it matters: The revision expresses the cause of death more naturally and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- three positive sides of smoking three benefits of smoking
- Most of the people Most people
- building school, hospital and public places building schools, hospitals and public places
- sports ground and foot paths sports grounds and footpaths
- tobacco industry also the tobacco industry
- Despite these positive effects there are Despite these positive effects, there are
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a substantial range of relevant ideas about smoking and organizes them into a broadly understandable discussion. However, it focuses mainly on smoking's general benefits and harms rather than directly evaluating the stated workplace and public-place bans, and the appended reviewer-style paragraph further weakens task focus. Prioritize a clear position on the bans from the introduction onward, then support that position with policy-specific reasons while correcting recurrent sentence-level errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The discussion contains relevant material and a qualified view, but it only partially addresses whether comprehensive office and public-place bans are the right action.
Frame every main paragraph around the proposed bans and state clearly whether each type of prohibition should be adopted.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main discussion follows a recognizable advantages-to-disadvantages progression, though mechanical listing and the final reviewer-style paragraph disrupt overall unity.
Remove material outside the essay voice and organize body paragraphs around reasons that directly support the position on bans.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss health, taxation, and employment, but recurrent awkward or inaccurate combinations limit precision.
Improve collocations and word forms in phrases such as "positive sides of smoking," "causes for many diseases," and "parents are smoke."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, sentence construction, and punctuation reduce control.
Prioritize complete clause structures and accurate noun and verb forms, then separate independent clauses instead of joining them with commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.