Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Schools are considered to be the lighthouse of a nation, and if education is the backbone of a nation, schools are the place to build it. However, the main objective of academies is a never-ending debate. I agree that a school's main purpose should be to turn students into honest and good citizens and making them ready to work for society instead of turning them into selfish money-making machines by helping them individually just to be ready to get a job. First, the main purpose of education is to build up an enlightened nation where morality, honesty and integrity would be the key characteristics. They would keep aside their personal ambitions, and work together for the betterment of the country. Since a school is a place where pupils' education is taken care of, its chief objective should be to focus on nurturing morality and good human characteristics among the students while also preparing them for their careers that would benefit society. To exemplify, if talented and experienced doctors treat patients only for the money, healthcare for all would be a distant dream. So, to build a nation where people will help each other instead of turning into money-making machines, we should focus on our education system, especially what we teach our children. Second, states spend a lot of money to keep the schools and their education system running. A major portion of this spending comes from the tax money. From this regard, if schools plan to adopt an education system where teachers’ sole purpose would be to teach children how to be personally benefitted from jobs or businesses, the whole education system would collapse. We have to be very careful while educating our children. What we teach them in their early stages would shape them, and if the schools fail to teach them to become ideal citizens, it would be a great concern in the future. Moreover, personal benefits, good grades and a better career should not be the main reasons children attend schools. They should attend schools to become enlightened members of society. In conclusion, making ideal citizens and dedicated workers should be the true objective of our schools. The greater good of society, the bright and prosperous future of a nation, and the personal achievements of individuals are connected with the way we teach our children in schools and that is why our education should focus on morality and quality.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: schools are the place Suggested revision: schools are the places Why it matters: The plural subject “schools” requires the plural complement “places.”
- 2. Keep the term consistent Original: objective of academies Suggested revision: objective of schools Why it matters: Using “schools” consistently avoids implying a narrower type of institution.
- 3. Restore parallel structure Original: to turn students into honest and good citizens and making them ready Suggested revision: to turn students into honest citizens and prepare them Why it matters: The coordinated verbs must use parallel infinitive forms.
- 4. Remove unnecessary particle Original: build up an enlightened nation Suggested revision: build an enlightened nation Why it matters: “Build” conveys the meaning fully without the informal particle “up.”
- 5. Remove unnecessary comma Original: , and work together Suggested revision: and work together Why it matters: The comma should not separate two coordinated verb phrases with the same subject.
- 6. Use a direct clause Original: pupils' education is taken care of Suggested revision: pupils are educated Why it matters: The active passive construction is more direct and avoids the awkward phrase “taken care of.”
- 7. Use a precise term Original: good human characteristics Suggested revision: positive character traits Why it matters: This phrase names the intended personal qualities more naturally.
- 8. Use a natural linker Original: To exemplify Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: “For example” is the standard transition for introducing an illustration.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: From this regard Suggested revision: In this regard Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the preposition “in,” not “from.”
- 10. Fix the verb construction Original: personally benefitted from jobs or businesses Suggested revision: benefit personally from jobs or businesses Why it matters: “Benefit” is intransitive in this meaning and should not be used in the passive form.
- 11. Use a precise metaphor Original: the lighthouse of a nation Suggested revision: guiding institutions of a nation Why it matters: The plural phrase fits the subject and makes the metaphor less absolute.
- 12. Clarify individual benefit Original: helping them individually just to be ready to get a job Suggested revision: supporting only their preparation for employment Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended contrast more concisely and neutrally.
Suggested Rewrites
- schools are the place schools are the places
- objective of academies objective of schools
- to turn students into honest and good citizens and making them ready to turn students into honest citizens and prepare them
- build up an enlightened nation build an enlightened nation
- , and work together and work together
- pupils' education is taken care of pupils are educated
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear position throughout and supports it with a logically organised discussion of civic education, public investment, and social responsibility. Its main limitation is that the argument repeatedly equates individual benefit with selfishness and gives comparatively little direct development to the worker aspect, while a few awkward constructions reduce precision. The highest priority is to add a balanced, specific explanation of how schools prepare responsible workers and reconcile social and individual benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear, consistent position is well developed through relevant arguments about citizenship, social responsibility, and public funding.
Develop the worker dimension directly and acknowledge how individual benefit can coexist with wider social benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically sequenced, with clear paragraph purposes and effective progression from principles to examples and implications.
Reduce repetition of morality and money-making contrasts by using each paragraph to advance a distinct part of the case.
Lexical Resource
A wide topic-specific vocabulary conveys ideas effectively, despite occasional awkward or imprecise collocations.
Refine expressions such as from this regard and personally benefitted to make the formal wording more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is used with generally strong control, though some agreement and parallel-structure slips remain.
Check parallel verb forms and streamline very long sentences to improve accuracy and clarity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
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