In past days zoos used to play an important role to educate people about the wildlife as well as safeguard the endangered animals. But nowadays the zoos have no useful purpose. To what extent do you agree that a zoo has no useful purpose nowadays.
Sample Response
It is true that some people believe that Zoos have no beneficial use in our lives. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view. For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to think that Zoos are useless. Zoos have environmental, economical, and personal perspectives.
Environmentally, zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. They allow scientists to study animals and their behaviours. So, they help to protect endangered species like pandas and zebras from predators and humans who hunt animals for commodities such as tusk and fur. By protecting wildlife we maintain the natural balance of all life on the earth.
Secondly, from an economic perspective, zoos employ large numbers of people. As a result, they provide job opportunities and income for the local areas. The money raised can be used for conservation projects and research.
Finally, from a personal perspective, zoos are one of the important educational, interesting, and fun tools. They make a great day out for families to escape the pressure of life. Children, in particular, enjoy learning about animals. Zoos have an important role in educating the public, helping them to understand the world around them, and enabling them to appreciate wild animals up close. Also, seeing an animal in person is a much more personal and more memorable experience than seeing that animal in a nature documentary. This exposure and education motivate people to protect the animals.
For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that Zoos play an important role in our life nowadays, environmentally, personally, and economically. And we should do everything we can to protect them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase common noun Original: Zoos Suggested revision: zoos Why it matters: Use lowercase for the common plural noun here.
- 2. Use economic Original: economical Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: Economic describes matters related to jobs and income, whereas economical means cost-saving.
- 3. Clarify the category Original: perspectives Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Benefits accurately names the advantages developed later in the essay.
- 4. Use formal linkage Original: So, they help to protect Suggested revision: Thus, they help protect Why it matters: This creates a more formal cause-and-effect link and a more concise verb phrase.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: tusk Suggested revision: tusks Why it matters: Tusks should be plural when referring generally to the commodity taken from animals.
- 6. Use proper name Original: on the earth Suggested revision: on Earth Why it matters: Earth takes no article and is capitalized when used as the planet's name.
- 7. Name the beneficiaries Original: the local areas Suggested revision: local communities Why it matters: Local communities more precisely identifies the people who benefit from employment and income.
- 8. Fix awkward description Original: one of the important educational, interesting, and fun tools Suggested revision: important educational and recreational attractions Why it matters: Attractions is a natural noun for zoos and avoids the awkward description of them as tools.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: make Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: Provide a day out is the more natural collocation when the zoo is the destination.
- 10. Remove repetition Original: much more personal and more memorable Suggested revision: more personal and memorable Why it matters: One comparative marker can apply to both coordinated adjectives.
- 11. Use plural lives Original: our life nowadays Suggested revision: our lives today Why it matters: The plural possessive subject our requires lives when referring to people's lives generally.
- 12. Clarify social value Original: beneficial use in our lives Suggested revision: beneficial role in society Why it matters: Role in society more precisely describes the broader functions defended in the essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- Zoos zoos
- economical economic
- perspectives benefits
- So, they help to protect Thus, they help protect
- tusk tusks
- on the earth on Earth
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and organises three relevant reasons into an easy-to-follow argument, with the conservation discussion being particularly effective. Its main limitation is that several claims remain general and some word choices are imprecise or awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen each reason with more specific explanation or evidence while refining collocations for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops three relevant reasons with generally effective support.
Extend the economic and personal arguments with more specific explanation or concrete examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Use transitions more naturally and vary the repeated perspective-based framing.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary conveys the main ideas clearly despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Refine phrases such as economic perspective and important tools so that word choice sounds more natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of sentence structures is used with strong control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Polish article, number, and agreement choices in phrases such as our life and tusk and fur.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In past days zoos used to play an important role to educate people about the wildlife as well as safeguard the endangered animals. But nowadays the zoos have no useful purpose. To what extent do you agree that a zoo has no useful purpose nowadays.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.