Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What are the other purposes of zoos?
Sample Response
Around the world, people can find all the different species in the zoo. Some people believe main aim of having zoos in the cities is the amusement of the people. However, I do not agree with this outlook and believe zoos also serve other purposes. In this essay, we will analyse how zoos can benefit endangered species and play a role in educating young people. First of all, the purpose of gathering various animals at a single place is the wildlife education for children. For instance, getting knowledge about anything can become much easier when kids actually see them. In other words, zoo keeper talks organised at zoos provides very useful information on these animals and thereby, students can learn to respect all the living creatures. Therefore, it is evident that educating school pupils is the one important purpose of these zoos. Another crucial need of zoos is protecting endangered species. A good illustration for this is that these species can be saved from being killed by the hunters and also scientist can work on improving the population of these species by arranging artificial breeding programs. Thus, the future generation will also be able to experience these animals and the issue of extinction of animals can be solved. From above, the theory of having zoos for conserving wildlife is difficult to debunk. In conclusion, it is seen that the zoos not only play a key role in the education of folks but also help to guard animals against hunting. Thus, it is incorrect to say that zoos are only for the entertainment of the society. It is thus hoped that people will realise the actual advantage of zoos and will encourage the government to maintain and build more zoos.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use general plural Original: all the different species in the zoo Suggested revision: many different species in zoos Why it matters: The plural form expresses a general statement, and many avoids the unsupported absolute all.
- 2. Add definite article Original: believe main aim Suggested revision: believe the main aim Why it matters: The specific main aim requires the definite article.
- 3. Use cities generally Original: having zoos in the cities Suggested revision: having zoos in cities Why it matters: Cities takes no article when referring to urban areas generally.
- 4. Use entertaining people Original: the amusement of the people Suggested revision: entertaining people Why it matters: The gerund phrase expresses the purpose more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Use location preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Animals are gathered in a place, not at a place in this context.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the wildlife education for children Suggested revision: wildlife education for children Why it matters: Wildlife education is an uncountable general concept and takes no article.
- 7. Use one important purpose Original: is the one important purpose Suggested revision: is one important purpose Why it matters: The indefinite number phrase one important purpose does not take the definite article.
- 8. Use purpose of zoos Original: need Suggested revision: purpose Why it matters: Protecting species is a purpose served by zoos rather than a need that zoos possess.
- 9. Use plural generations Original: the future generation Suggested revision: future generations Why it matters: The statement refers generally to people in multiple future generations.
- 10. Use animal extinction Original: the issue of extinction of animals Suggested revision: the threat of animal extinction Why it matters: Threat of animal extinction is the more natural and precise phrase.
- 11. Use addressed Original: solved Suggested revision: addressed Why it matters: A threat such as extinction can be addressed, whereas solved is too absolute.
- 12. Clarify backward reference Original: From above Suggested revision: From the points above Why it matters: The noun points is needed to identify the preceding arguments.
Suggested Rewrites
- all the different species in the zoo many different species in zoos
- believe main aim believe the main aim
- having zoos in the cities having zoos in cities
- the amusement of the people entertaining people
- at in
- the wildlife education for children wildlife education for children
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly rejects the idea that zoos exist only for entertainment and develops two relevant alternative purposes: public education and endangered-species conservation. Its strongest feature is the direct explanation of keeper talks and breeding programmes, but the entire essay is presented as one paragraph and several language errors or exaggerated claims reduce precision. The priority is to separate the two purposes into focused paragraphs and support conservation claims with more measured reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both educational and conservation purposes are relevantly developed, although some claims about preventing extinction are too absolute.
Explain the limits as well as the benefits of breeding and protection programmes, using one realistic outcome for each purpose.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable introduction, education point, conservation point, and conclusion, but the absence of paragraphing weakens organisation and readability.
Create separate introduction, education, conservation, and conclusion paragraphs, each with one clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of vocabulary for education, wildlife, hunting, and breeding, but some collocations and word choices are unnatural.
Use precise expressions such as 'wildlife education', 'zookeeper talks', 'captive-breeding programmes', and 'protect animals from poachers'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures communicates the ideas, but errors in articles, agreement, plurals, and clause construction recur throughout.
Check subject-verb agreement and articles in every sentence, especially where plural nouns such as 'talks', 'scientists', and 'species' are used.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. What do you think? What are the other purposes of zoos?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.