In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
Sample Response
Statistics show that people are living longer now than they used to in previous centuries. There are several reasons for this and the improvement in treatment and in medical science in the main reason for that longer life expectancy. I will point out a few of them below.
First of all, a few hundred years ago mankind suffered from many different kinds of diseases which are very well cured now. The achievements of contemporary medicine allow people to live with artificial arms, hands, legs and even hearts. Recently I read a few articles in the magazines about a man with an implanted artificial heart and a woman who had an implanted chipset in her head to make her happier. Additionally, many viruses are defeated nowadays with the modern vaccines and many pills help us to relieve pain.
Second of all, the conditions of lives are greatly improved. A man chiefly does not have to sleep on the wet and cold ground, defense himself from predators in the wild forests and fight for his life. The wide extension of fast food stands, buffets and restaurants give people the opportunity to have full and nutritious meals whenever they need to. Many entertaining centres offer a wide variety of services where you can leave your troubles behind and just relax.
Again, the technological advancement like the Internet has made the information available to many people. People no longer need to consult a doctor to know about a disease and cure. People can surf the internet themselves and can get some medical advice they require to get fit. But the longer life span does not come automatically unless people start living a healthy life. The modern world gives the opportunity to live a healthy life if someone wants to have one.
All of these things mentioned above allow people to maintain a healthy lifestyle, spend more time with his family and friends and make their life longer and happier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb form Original: in Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The clause needs the verb “is,” not the preposition “in.”
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: that longer life expectancy Suggested revision: this increase in life expectancy Why it matters: This phrase clearly refers to the change being explained.
- 3. Use precise medical wording Original: diseases which are very well cured now Suggested revision: diseases that can now be treated effectively Why it matters: Diseases are normally treated rather than described as “very well cured.”
- 4. Use concise terminology Original: live with artificial arms, hands, legs and even hearts Suggested revision: live with prosthetic limbs and even artificial hearts Why it matters: “Prosthetic limbs” expresses the list more precisely and concisely.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: a few articles in the magazines Suggested revision: a few magazine articles Why it matters: No definite magazines have been identified, so “the” is inappropriate.
- 6. Choose the correct noun Original: chipset Suggested revision: chip Why it matters: A “chip,” not a “chipset,” is the appropriate term for a single implant.
- 7. Use accurate collocation Original: many viruses are defeated nowadays Suggested revision: many viral infections can now be prevented Why it matters: Vaccines prevent infections rather than “defeat” viruses.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: with the modern vaccines Suggested revision: with modern vaccines Why it matters: The general plural noun “vaccines” does not need “the.”
- 9. Use standard collocation Original: the conditions of lives Suggested revision: living conditions Why it matters: “Living conditions” is the natural expression for the circumstances in which people live.
- 10. Use the correct modifier Original: entertaining Suggested revision: entertainment Why it matters: The noun “entertainment” correctly identifies the purpose of the centres.
- 11. Fix the relative clause Original: services where you can leave Suggested revision: services through which you can leave Why it matters: “Where” cannot directly refer to services, so a suitable relative structure is needed.
- 12. Use a general plural Original: the technological advancement Suggested revision: technological advances Why it matters: The sentence refers generally to multiple developments, so the plural form is more accurate.
Suggested Rewrites
- in is
- that longer life expectancy this increase in life expectancy
- diseases which are very well cured now diseases that can now be treated effectively
- live with artificial arms, hands, legs and even hearts live with prosthetic limbs and even artificial hearts
- a few articles in the magazines a few magazine articles
- chipset chip
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear organisation around several relevant causes, particularly advances in medicine and improved living conditions. Its main limitation is that some supporting claims are questionable or only loosely connected to longer life expectancy, while frequent awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer causes with accurate, clearly explained links to longevity and more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the causes of increased longevity with several relevant ideas, but development is uneven and some examples have a weak or doubtful connection to the issue.
Select two or three well-supported causes and explain precisely how each one increases life expectancy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas are arranged in a clear introduction, body sequence, and conclusion, although progression relies on mechanical signposting and some connections within paragraphs are loose.
Use clearer cause-and-effect links within paragraphs instead of relying mainly on sequencing phrases such as first and second.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of vocabulary for health, technology, and living conditions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as living conditions, medical treatment, and defend oneself, and avoid ambitious words whose usage is uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, word forms, and pronoun reference remain noticeable.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement, articles, and consistent plural and pronoun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.