Some people think that air travel should be reduced to protect the environment. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A group of people believes traveling in the air should be limited to save the environment. I strongly respect the view. This essay will discuss using examples to demonstrate points.
To begin with, most human beings ignore the damage due to the incensement of air traveling that can negatively impact the environment. The most important thing is to reduce personal flights, which can directly influence air pollution. In-flight, they release a plethora of chemicals and carbon emissions into the air, which may highly result in the destruction of the valuable resources of the earth. This can be managed by reducing the personal trip through flights when the other possibilities are easily present in the technology of the transportation. Many types of research have proved that the number of flights has increased dramatically, especially by the wealthy citizens throughout the year within the country. With the availability of facilities like a train, this can be controlled up to some extent as locally to protect the surrounding.
On the other hand, this can be threatening to the tourism field as this causes an impact on global warming as well due to the emission from the flight stay in the atmosphere for a large period. More and more people enrolling in vocational trips around the world lead to potential harm to the climate. For instance, many scientists argued when the kerosene oil burns, the plane will release carbon dioxide and other gases into the air, which then heat the planet.
To conclude, though I agree with the statement of reducing the air traffic with the harm it can lead to the environment like major in air pollution and the global warming.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: traveling in the air Suggested revision: air travel Why it matters: The standard noun phrase is more concise and natural here.
- 2. Express agreement clearly Original: strongly respect the view Suggested revision: strongly agree with this view Why it matters: Respect does not express agreement with an opinion in this context.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: damage due to the incensement of air traveling Suggested revision: damage caused by increased air travel Why it matters: Incensement is incorrect here, and the revision expresses the causal relationship clearly.
- 4. Clarify flight type Original: personal Suggested revision: individual Why it matters: Individual more clearly describes flights taken by separate travellers.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: directly influence air pollution Suggested revision: contribute directly to air pollution Why it matters: Contribute to is the natural collocation for causing pollution.
- 6. Supply clear subject Original: In-flight, they release Suggested revision: During flights, aircraft release Why it matters: The original wording leaves they without a clear antecedent and misuses in-flight.
- 7. Fix awkward phrase Original: may highly result in Suggested revision: may cause Why it matters: Highly result in is not a natural English construction.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: destruction of the valuable resources of the earth Suggested revision: damage to the earth's valuable resources Why it matters: The revision states the claimed environmental harm more directly.
- 9. Fix uncountable noun Original: Many types of research have proved Suggested revision: Research has shown Why it matters: Research is uncountable in this general sense and takes a singular verb.
- 10. Fix preposition Original: by the wealthy citizens Suggested revision: among wealthy citizens Why it matters: Among correctly identifies the group in which the increase occurs.
- 11. Show addition clearly Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: This paragraph adds another environmental effect rather than presenting an opposing argument.
- 12. Clarify the claim Original: this can be threatening to the tourism field as this causes an impact on global warming as well Suggested revision: air travel can also contribute to global warming Why it matters: The original clause has unclear references and combines incompatible ideas.
Suggested Rewrites
- traveling in the air air travel
- strongly respect the view strongly agree with this view
- damage due to the incensement of air traveling damage caused by increased air travel
- personal individual
- directly influence air pollution contribute directly to air pollution
- In-flight, they release During flights, aircraft release
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers relevant environmental reasons for reducing air travel, with carbon emissions and alternative transport providing a workable line of argument. Its main limitation is that ideas are unevenly developed and often expressed through inaccurate vocabulary and faulty sentence structures, which sometimes obscure the logic. The highest priority is to build each reason through a precise claim, explanation, and relevant example using controlled, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained and supported by relevant environmental reasons, although several ideas remain general, repetitive, or insufficiently explained.
Develop each main reason with a clear causal explanation and a specific, relevant example rather than adding loosely connected claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable introduction, body progression, and conclusion, but inaccurate linking and unclear referencing weaken connections within and between ideas.
Use linking phrases only when they express the actual relationship, and replace vague references such as this and they with precise nouns.
Lexical Resource
Some topic vocabulary is attempted, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors such as incensement and vocational trips reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritize accurate, familiar environmental collocations and check that every less common word conveys the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and sentence completion sometimes impede clarity.
Write complete sentences with clearly matched subjects and verbs, then proofread each complex clause for grammatical connections.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that air travel should be reduced to protect the environment. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.