In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and changes in lifestyles, new and eccentric problems have arisen in the society. Obesity which was a rare sight in the past has become more of a common sight. As most of the developed countries around the world are now facing this issue, the World Health Organization has decided to enlist obesity as a medical condition.
Two reasons could be listed down as the main cause for Obesity: firstly, the excessive consumption of fatty food, also known as junk food. Living in a society where time is of utmost importance, people tend to eat foods which are easy and quick to consume. It is this unhealthy diet that consists mostly of fatty food, which is the prime cause of obesity. Secondly, the busy lifestyle which the current society lives in is another reason for this health condition. People travelling in vehicles, using escalators, avoiding every task which needs physical exertion has made them lazy and unhealthy.
A healthy diet is the best remedy for obesity. Timely consumption of meals and ensuring that they are full of nutrition’s is the key factor in living a healthy lifestyle. Fresh fruits and home grown vegetables provide those necessary nutrition’s required. In addition to this, exercise and sports help in burning excessive fat and help reducing weight.
In conclusion, it is beyond a doubt that obesity is a rapidly growing health concern nowadays. It is time for us live a healthy life for the sake of our next generation. A well-planned diet and plenty of exercises would give birth to a generation that is fit, healthy and above all happy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to society generally.
- 2. Capitalization and preposition Original: main cause for Obesity Suggested revision: main causes of obesity Why it matters: Use lowercase obesity and causes of.
- 3. Capital after colon Original: firstly, the excessive Suggested revision: firstly, excessive Why it matters: The noun phrase can follow directly without the article.
- 4. Relative pronoun Original: foods which are easy and quick Suggested revision: foods that are easy and quick Why it matters: That is more natural for defining the type of food.
- 5. Awkward phrase Original: the current society lives in Suggested revision: people in current society live Why it matters: Make people the subject of the verb.
- 6. Parallel form Original: People travelling in vehicles Suggested revision: Travelling in vehicles Why it matters: This keeps the list parallel.
- 7. List grammar Original: avoiding every task which needs physical exertion has made them lazy Suggested revision: avoiding tasks that require physical exertion have made people less active Why it matters: The full compound subject needs plural agreement.
- 8. Wrong word form Original: nutrition’s Suggested revision: nutrients Why it matters: Nutrients are the substances in food; nutrition is uncountable and does not take an apostrophe.
- 9. Wrong plural Original: nutrition’s required Suggested revision: required nutrients Why it matters: This is the correct noun phrase.
- 10. Hyphenation Original: home grown Suggested revision: home-grown Why it matters: Use a hyphen in the compound adjective before vegetables.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: help reducing weight Suggested revision: help reduce weight Why it matters: Help can be followed by the base verb.
- 12. Article phrase Original: it is beyond a doubt Suggested revision: there is no doubt Why it matters: This is the natural expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the society in society
- main cause for Obesity main causes of obesity
- firstly, the excessive firstly, excessive
- foods which are easy and quick foods that are easy and quick
- the current society lives in people in current society live
- People travelling in vehicles Travelling in vehicles
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay clearly identifies causes of rising weight and lower fitness and proposes relevant measures. Some support is general, but the response is complete and focused.
Add one specific example or policy measure, such as school nutrition rules or workplace exercise incentives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well organized into introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Cohesion is clear, though a few transitions are formulaic.
Make topic sentences more explicit about cause and solution relationships.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate, with some inaccurate word forms and collocations.
Check plural forms and collocations such as nutrients, physical activity, and reduce weight.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a range of structures and generally clear control. Errors with capitalization, apostrophes, and missing words occur but rarely block meaning.
Proofread for sentence completeness and noun forms before submitting.