Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, however, not many of them have an exercise routine. Why do you think it is happening? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Sample Response
It is seen that medical practitioners often provide guidance to the older generation to have physical exercise to be followed in their daily lives. However, most of them are not found to have a regular routine for this practice. This essay is an attempt to look into the causes of this trend and some solutions to overcome it.
First of all, With the increase in modernisation and technology, the younger generation is in their busy schedule to finish their work. They are not getting time to spend with their family. This often leads their parents to feel lonely, and they would not be able to do workouts due to a lack of support and guidance from their family members. Moreover, it has also been noticed that many of them are spending a lot of time on their daily household chores, hence often fail to look after their own health. For instance, older people look after their grandchildren and plays with them as they find happiness in spending time with them.
However, there are some steps that should be taken in order to avoid this trend. Families and the young generation should find an amount of time to share with their parents in their daily lives. They should provide constant support and encouragement for doing healthy workouts, which can do a lot for older ones to be physically healthy. With the advent of the internet and technology, there are many videos related to exercise on social media platforms to guide and show it to older people. To make it clear, they can play these videos on TV or mobile and hence, they can follow them with ease. Moreover, rewards and surprise gifts can be provided in order to motivate them.
To conclude, lack of support and guidance from the youth and a busy lifestyle are found to be some of the hindrances for the old ones to have physical activities in their daily routine. However, they should provide enough care and time for their loved ones to follow the exercise guided by their doctors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: It is seen that Suggested revision: It is common for Why it matters: This phrasing states the general observation more naturally.
- 2. Use correct collocation Original: to have physical exercise Suggested revision: to exercise Why it matters: English normally uses the verb 'exercise' rather than 'have physical exercise'.
- 3. Clarify routine wording Original: to be followed in their daily lives Suggested revision: as part of their daily routine Why it matters: The passive phrase is unnatural and obscures the intended meaning.
- 4. Use direct verb form Original: are not found to have Suggested revision: do not have Why it matters: The simple present expresses this general observation clearly and directly.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: This essay is an attempt to look into Suggested revision: This essay examines Why it matters: The shorter verb is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 6. Correct solution collocation Original: some solutions to overcome it Suggested revision: some ways to address it Why it matters: A problem or trend is addressed, while a difficulty may be overcome.
- 7. Fix capitalization Original: With Suggested revision: with Why it matters: A word following a comma should not begin with a capital letter here.
- 8. Use simple present Original: They are not getting time Suggested revision: They do not have time Why it matters: The simple present and 'have time' are required for this general situation.
- 9. Use suitable modal Original: would Suggested revision: may Why it matters: 'May' expresses the possible consequence without an unsupported conditional construction.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: do workouts Suggested revision: exercise Why it matters: The verb 'exercise' is more natural and concise in this context.
- 11. Use verb after time Original: spending a lot of time on their daily household chores Suggested revision: spending a lot of time doing household chores Why it matters: The pattern 'spend time doing something' requires a gerund.
- 12. Restore sentence subject Original: hence often fail to look after Suggested revision: and hence they often fail to look after Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs an explicit subject to connect grammatically with the preceding clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is seen that It is common for
- to have physical exercise to exercise
- to be followed in their daily lives as part of their daily routine
- are not found to have do not have
- This essay is an attempt to look into This essay examines
- some solutions to overcome it some ways to address it
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly covers both causes and practical ways to encourage exercise, and its four-paragraph structure makes the argument easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several ideas, especially family support and rewards, are asserted in fairly general terms, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each cause-solution link with a more specific explanation while using simpler, more natural sentence patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and solutions, although some ideas remain broadly explained.
Develop each proposed solution by explaining precisely how it would overcome a stated barrier to exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear cause-to-solution structure with generally logical paragraphing and progression.
Use linking expressions more selectively and strengthen the logical connection between each example and its main point.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace strained phrases such as general labels for older people and exercise with simpler, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms conveys the message, though agreement and sentence-structure errors recur.
Check subject-verb agreement and clause construction carefully, especially in sentences containing several ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, however, not many of them have an exercise routine. Why do you think it is happening? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.