With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed Academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on a cademic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
What young people should study at school has long been the subject of intense debate and this is a question that certainly does not have one correct answer.
We need to provide young people the best possible chance of doing well at school. In a traditional curriculum, there is a wide variety of subjects with a mix of academic and non-academic subjects. In this way, a young person is formed with a rounded education. Non- academic subjects would include sports, cooking, woodwork, and metalwork. I believe this is the best form of education. A young person should learn things other than academic subjects.
Sport is particularly important. Young people have to learn to love the sport so that they can be fit and healthy later in life. If not we will be raising an obese and unfit generation. I totally understand the point of view that education is so important that students must be pushed as hard as possible to achieve their best. It sounds a good idea to only expose the students to academic subjects as then they can spend all of their school hours on studying areas that will get them into university and good jobs later in life. I just feel a more rounded education would produce a better individual. We must remember too that a lot of people, maybe even most people, aren’t academically minded and would benefit more from a more vocationally based education. Forcing academic studies onto them would lead to failure and the student leaving school too early.
Therefore I agree that although a wholly academic curriculum would suit and benefit some young people, I believe that for most students non-academic subjects are important inclusions still in today’s syllabuses.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add required preposition Original: provide young people the best possible chance Suggested revision: provide young people with the best possible chance Why it matters: Provide requires with before the thing being given in this structure.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: learn to love the sport Suggested revision: learn to enjoy sport Why it matters: The revised phrase avoids the unnecessary article and sounds more natural for sport in general.
- 3. Punctuate opening phrase Original: If not we Suggested revision: If not, we Why it matters: The introductory conditional phrase should be separated from the main clause by a comma.
- 4. Complete the expression Original: sounds a good idea Suggested revision: sounds like a good idea Why it matters: The linking verb sounds requires like before this noun phrase.
- 5. Place only precisely Original: only expose the students to Suggested revision: expose students only to Why it matters: Moving only next to its focus makes clear that the restriction applies to academic subjects.
- 6. Fix time construction Original: all of their school hours on studying areas Suggested revision: all their school hours studying subjects Why it matters: Spend time takes a gerund without on, and subjects is the appropriate noun here.
- 7. Position linker clearly Original: We must remember too that Suggested revision: We must also remember that Why it matters: Also gives the additional point a smoother and less interruptive transition.
- 8. Remove awkward modifier Original: more vocationally based education Suggested revision: more vocational education Why it matters: Vocational already describes the type of education, so based is unnecessary.
- 9. Use natural construction Original: Forcing academic studies onto them Suggested revision: Forcing them to pursue academic studies Why it matters: The revised verb pattern expresses compulsion more idiomatically.
- 10. Maintain plural reference Original: the student leaving school too early Suggested revision: students leaving school too early Why it matters: The plural students is needed to agree with the earlier plural pronoun them.
- 11. Repair awkward ordering Original: important inclusions still in today’s syllabuses Suggested revision: still important components of today’s syllabuses Why it matters: The revised order and collocation express the continuing importance clearly.
- 12. Separate independent clauses Original: intense debate and this Suggested revision: intense debate, and this Why it matters: A comma is needed before and because it joins two independent clauses.
Suggested Rewrites
- provide young people the best possible chance provide young people with the best possible chance
- learn to love the sport learn to enjoy sport
- If not we If not, we
- sounds a good idea sounds like a good idea
- only expose the students to expose students only to
- all of their school hours on studying areas all their school hours studying subjects
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear preference for a rounded curriculum and offers relevant reasons involving health, university preparation, and vocational aptitude. Its main limitation is that several ideas are asserted briefly or repeated instead of being developed with specific explanation, while some awkward phrasing reduces precision. Build one or two central arguments more deeply and express them through more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is presented and supported by several relevant reasons, though development is sometimes general or repetitive.
Develop fewer main reasons in greater depth with specific consequences or examples rather than adding brief assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical overall progression, although the long third paragraph combines several distinct ideas and some points recur.
Separate the health and vocational arguments into clearly focused units and streamline repeated references to a rounded education.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient and sometimes varied, but recurring awkward collocations and article choices limit precision and naturalness.
Use more idiomatic combinations for education and sport, and avoid phrases such as forcing studies onto students or important inclusions still.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful mix of simple and complex sentences is generally controlled, with errors remaining minor and meaning consistently clear.
Improve punctuation after introductory clauses and check articles, agreement, and comparative forms in complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed Academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on a cademic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.