People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it is common that ex-offenders violate the law repeatedly although they have been punished. In this essay, I will initially discuss the reasons for this situation, followed by my suggestions which can assist in preventing crimes from happening.
There are primarily two factors largely responsible for recidivism. To commence with, the sanctions against criminals are not harsh enough. In other words, being punished does not make a huge difference to offenders, leading to the possibility that these people are normally unable to realise the detrimental consequences that breaching the law will entail for victims and society, and such behaviour is likely to be re-exhibited as a result. Additionally, former convicts are not completely accepted in society. People released from prison seem to be automatically judged as those whose character is poor: their family and friends may not embrace them and employers refuse to recruit them. Therefore, nothing can help them to survive but to re-offend.
To cease crimes, several approaches can be adopted. Firstly, the implementation of more punitive measures is effective. Only when people are truly conscious of their wrongdoing both physically and psychologically can they stop themselves from committing crimes. For instance, a longer stint of community service or jail sentence is respectively appropriate for convicts with minor crimes and serious ones. Secondly, providing more vocational training sessions and job opportunities for those with criminal records is another feasible solution. If they can earn a living independently, having sufficient money to afford accommodation and feed themselves, they are rarely motivated to participate in some illegal activities again.
In conclusion, lenient punishments for law breakers and less social tolerance for previous criminals are the two major causes of re-offending. However, if severer penalties can be meted out to prisoners and meanwhile ex-criminals are allowed to have a smoother re-entry into the community, crime issues can be tackled.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct pattern Original: it is common that ex-offenders violate Suggested revision: it is common for ex-offenders to violate Why it matters: Common takes a for-plus-infinitive construction when referring to people performing an action.
- 2. Express the timing Original: although they have been punished Suggested revision: even after they have been punished Why it matters: Even after accurately shows that the repeated offence occurs following punishment.
- 3. Use a clear sequence Original: initially Suggested revision: first Why it matters: First pairs more clearly with the later move to suggestions.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: suggestions which can assist in preventing crimes from happening Suggested revision: suggestions for preventing further crime Why it matters: The replacement removes a wordy relative clause while preserving the intended meaning.
- 5. Remove duplicated emphasis Original: primarily two factors largely responsible Suggested revision: two main factors responsible Why it matters: Primarily and largely duplicate the same emphasis in this phrase.
- 6. Use natural sequencing Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: To begin with is the conventional transition for introducing the first factor.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: the sanctions against criminals Suggested revision: the penalties imposed on criminals Why it matters: Penalties imposed on criminals is a more precise legal collocation.
- 8. Use the right preposition Original: in Suggested revision: by Why it matters: By correctly identifies society as the agent that accepts or rejects former convicts.
- 9. Repair the complement Original: judged as those whose character is poor Suggested revision: judged to have poor character Why it matters: Judged to have is the correct complement pattern for this assessment.
- 10. Choose precise wording Original: embrace Suggested revision: accept Why it matters: Accept directly conveys social reintegration, whereas embrace can imply physical affection.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: To cease crimes Suggested revision: To reduce crime Why it matters: Crime is normally reduced or prevented rather than ceased by an external agent.
- 12. Avoid an absolute claim Original: the implementation of more punitive measures is effective Suggested revision: implementing more punitive measures may be effective Why it matters: The modal may expresses the proposed effect without presenting it as universally certain.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is common that ex-offenders violate it is common for ex-offenders to violate
- although they have been punished even after they have been punished
- initially first
- suggestions which can assist in preventing crimes from happening suggestions for preventing further crime
- primarily two factors largely responsible two main factors responsible
- commence begin
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a complete, well-organised answer by pairing two plausible causes of reoffending with corresponding solutions and supporting each with explanation. Its main limitation is the recurring use of unnatural collocations and a few overextended constructions, which weakens precision despite generally clear meaning. Prioritising more idiomatic wording and tightening the causal explanations would make the argument more authoritative and fluent.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed with relevant causes, practical solutions, and generally clear supporting explanation.
Develop the claim that harsher punishment prevents reoffending with more convincing causal reasoning rather than relying mainly on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-and-solution structure is easy to follow, and paragraphing supports a clear overall progression.
Use fewer mechanical sequencing phrases and simplify long causal sentences so that relationships between ideas are immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows good range and topic awareness, although several inaccurate or unnatural collocations reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as "cease crimes," "re-exhibited," and "previous criminals" with natural, context-appropriate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures with generally good control, though some constructions are awkward or overloaded.
Break up lengthy sentences and refine clause connections, especially where multiple causal ideas are compressed into one structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.