Many cities replace parks and farmlands with houses. Is it a positive and negative development?
Sample Response
Past years have witnessed a great transformation in urban land use where parks and farmlands are generally replaced by houses. From my perspective, the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages.
It is doubtless that the general public and local administration can benefit a lot from the construction of an increasing number of accommodations. In many cities, economic reform has resulted in a significant and steady growth in the urban population, which gives rise to a disproportion between the existing housing resources and the massive demands of citizens and migrants. In this way, the vast construction of houses makes it possible for the public to own a place to settle in and improve their living conditions to an extent. Meanwhile, the authorities gain revenues and taxes in the course of housing construction, which can be used to fund other infrastructure improvements in the city.
Nonetheless, the removal of farmlands and parks will cause irreparable damage to the city. For one thing, once the farming area has been reduced, there would be difficulties in meeting local residents’ demands for fresh agricultural products. As a result, they have to seek food from elsewhere, which proves to be far more costly and time-consuming, and the food transported from a long distance is not as fresh as that grown on nearby farms. Consequently, the public is expected to suffer from heavier burdens of living than before. On the other hand, city parks play a vital role in fulfilling recreational functions and protecting cities from environmental problems. City dwellers enjoy the tranquillity of a park as an escape from the hustle and bustle, a place to release their pressure, and a place to develop active lifestyles that help them avoid or lessen physical and mental health problems. Some wild animals and plants are left in their natural habitats to coexist with human beings and preserve biodiversity.. On the contrary, a world of housing blocks is full of noise, pollution, and environmental disruption, which is definitely unable to present to people the beauty of nature.
In conclusion, the loss of farmlands and parks takes a toll on the wellbeing of city dwellers, so the housing problems should not be resolved at the cost of parks and farmlands.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: Past Suggested revision: Recent Why it matters: Recent years is the standard phrase for a change leading up to the present.
- 2. Fix clause link Original: land use where Suggested revision: land use, with Why it matters: Where cannot naturally modify the abstract noun phrase urban land use in this structure.
- 3. Use precise noun Original: accommodations Suggested revision: housing Why it matters: Housing refers to homes collectively, whereas accommodations is awkward for this citywide context.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: vast construction of houses Suggested revision: large-scale construction of housing Why it matters: Large-scale construction is the idiomatic phrase for extensive building activity.
- 5. Choose accurate verb Original: gain revenues and taxes Suggested revision: collect revenue and taxes Why it matters: Authorities collect revenue and taxes rather than gain them.
- 6. Align conditional form Original: would Suggested revision: may Why it matters: May matches the real future possibility introduced by once more accurately than would.
- 7. Use precise phrase Original: heavier burdens of living Suggested revision: higher living costs Why it matters: Higher living costs clearly expresses the financial burden described in the preceding sentence.
- 8. Remove extra period Original: biodiversity.. Suggested revision: biodiversity. Why it matters: Only one full stop is needed at the end of the sentence.
- 9. Use contrast linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast appropriately compares parks with housing blocks without contradicting the previous statement.
- 10. Use natural stance Original: doubtless Suggested revision: clear Why it matters: The replacement expresses certainty more naturally in formal academic prose.
- 11. Name the actor clearly Original: administration Suggested revision: authorities Why it matters: Local authorities is the more natural term for the governing bodies discussed here.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: to own a place to settle in Suggested revision: to obtain a home Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same housing benefit more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- Past Recent
- land use where land use, with
- accommodations housing
- vast construction of houses large-scale construction of housing
- gain revenues and taxes collect revenue and taxes
- would may
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops both the housing benefits and the environmental and social costs with substantial, relevant explanation. Its main weakness is occasional overstatement and imprecise phrasing, alongside a few awkward links within the long disadvantages paragraph. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen causal claims and collocations while dividing dense supporting material into a slightly more balanced progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed consideration of housing benefits, farmland loss, and reduced park space.
Refine a few broad causal claims, particularly about food costs and environmental damage, so the argument remains consistently measured and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body sections, and conclusion, with generally effective cohesive control.
Divide the dense disadvantages discussion more evenly and replace the inaccurate final contrast marker with a link that expresses consequence or comparison.
Lexical Resource
A wide and flexible vocabulary conveys detailed arguments effectively, though several collocations are slightly unnatural or overstated.
Improve precision in phrases such as housing supply, rising demand, cost-of-living pressures, and relieve stress to make the language more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, while minor agreement, tense, punctuation, and reference errors remain.
Proofread long sentences for consistent conditionals, unambiguous pronouns, and punctuation accuracy, including the duplicated full stop.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many cities replace parks and farmlands with houses. Is it a positive and negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.