Some people say that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, the increasing allocation of resources for the protection of wild animals and birds has given rise to the question of whether or not it is justified. While some argue that these efforts are crucial for maintaining biodiversity, others believe that the resources and attention dedicated to this cause are excessive. Personally, I think that humanity has other needs that are equally worthy of funding.
The first point to consider is that the disproportionate focus on wildlife conservation often overshadows more pressing human concerns. For instance, resources allocated for the protection of a single endangered species could potentially be redirected to address urgent human needs, such as healthcare, education, or poverty alleviation. In developing countries, where resources are particularly scarce, the choice to prioritise wildlife over critical human issues can be especially problematic. For example, in some African nations, vast sums are invested in protecting certain wildlife species, while basic human necessities remain unmet for a significant portion of the population.
Furthermore, excessive focus on wildlife protection can lead to unintended negative consequences for local communities. Often, conservation efforts involve restricting access to natural resources that communities have traditionally relied upon, leading to economic hardships. In parts of Asia, for instance, the establishment of protected areas for tigers has sometimes resulted in the displacement of indigenous communities or restrictions on their access to forest resources, which are vital for their livelihoods. Not only does this create conflict between humans and wildlife, but it also raises ethical questions about the fairness of such conservation strategies.
In conclusion, while the protection of wild animals and birds is unquestionably important, striking a balance is crucial. The current overemphasis on wildlife conservation, often at the expense of addressing human needs and respecting the rights of local communities, suggests a need for rethinking. A sustainable approach should consider both environmental and human factors equally.
Overall, the essay would likely receive a Band 8. It effectively addresses the task with a clear position, is well-organised, uses a wide range of vocabulary, and demonstrates a high level of grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make wording concise Original: allocation of resources for the protection Suggested revision: allocation of resources to protect Why it matters: The infinitive expresses the purpose more directly and avoids a heavy noun phrase.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: whether or not it is justified Suggested revision: whether this allocation is justified Why it matters: Naming the allocation removes the potentially unclear pronoun reference.
- 3. Use precise social term Original: humanity Suggested revision: society Why it matters: “Society” refers more precisely to the collective human priorities discussed here.
- 4. Use concise signposting Original: The first point to consider is that Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: The shorter signpost introduces the first reason without unnecessary framing.
- 5. Remove modal redundancy Original: could potentially be redirected Suggested revision: could be redirected Why it matters: “Could” already expresses possibility, making “potentially” redundant.
- 6. Avoid repeated wording Original: focus Suggested revision: emphasis Why it matters: “Emphasis” avoids repeating “focus” at the start of the next body paragraph.
- 7. Use natural noun form Original: hardships Suggested revision: hardship Why it matters: The uncountable form is more natural for a general condition affecting communities.
- 8. Prefer concise phrasing Original: upon Suggested revision: on Why it matters: “Relied on” is the more concise standard form in this context.
- 9. Clarify what changes Original: suggests a need for rethinking Suggested revision: suggests that this approach should be reconsidered Why it matters: The revision identifies the approach as the object of reconsideration.
- 10. Remove redundant pairing Original: both environmental and human factors equally Suggested revision: environmental and human factors equally Why it matters: “Equally” already makes the two-sided comparison clear, so “both” is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- allocation of resources for the protection allocation of resources to protect
- whether or not it is justified whether this allocation is justified
- humanity society
- The first point to consider is that First,
- could potentially be redirected could be redirected
- focus emphasis
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay develops a clear, nuanced position through well-supported arguments about human priorities and the effects of conservation on local communities, using precise language and controlled complex sentences. The main limitation is the irrelevant final paragraph that evaluates the essay itself and weakens an otherwise effective ending; the highest priority is to remove that commentary so the substantive conclusion remains the response's final statement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained through two relevant, well-developed arguments, despite the extraneous self-assessment added after the conclusion.
Remove the final self-evaluative paragraph and let the balanced substantive conclusion complete the answer directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically within well-focused paragraphs, although the appended commentary disrupts the otherwise cohesive ending and shifts register abruptly.
End with the existing conclusion and omit any postscript about the quality or likely score of the writing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective control of conservation, resource, and community-related language.
Refine the few slightly awkward expressions, such as need for rethinking, while preserving the essay's precise academic tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the rare minor imperfections do not impede communication.
Maintain this level of control while checking final phrasing for maximum concision and naturalness.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.