Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many today would argue that there is undue emphasis on the safeguarding of various species of wild animals and birds. In my opinion, though there are legitimate practical objections, it is a positive overall given the potential impact of abandoning such efforts.
Opponents of current conservation initiatives argue they are an unnecessary waste of valuable resources. The natural development of ecosystems involves animals going extinct and fighting for survival. Human intervention can therefore be seen as unnatural to a certain degree as animals that adapt will flourish and others will become obsolete. Added to this is the economic burden. The majority of endangered animals are in developing nations in Africa, Southeast Asia, and South America. National governments in these countries have a variety of other concerns related to healthcare, education, employment, and so on that take precedence over animal populations.
However, humans should protect animals as their disappearance is irreversible. The issue of responsibility is not, to my mind, a compelling enough argument as blame can be assigned in a number of directions and is too self-righteous to be persuasive. Instead, it can be argued that permanent damage to the Earth will impact future generations. The Earth depends on biodiversity not only for the development of new medicines and the functioning of a healthy food chain but also in order to showcase its varied expressions of life. As the only known home to life in the universe, it would be short-sighted to eliminate species of animals and damage this reputation.
In conclusion, despite the financial cost, it is essential to protect wild animals which may go extinct. Governments must sometimes prioritize the future over short-term considerations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Specify the noun Original: Many today Suggested revision: Many people today Why it matters: Adding people gives the quantifier an explicit and natural referent.
- 2. Remove incorrect article Original: a positive overall Suggested revision: positive overall Why it matters: Positive functions as an adjective here and does not take an article.
- 3. Use precise location verb Original: are in developing nations Suggested revision: are found in developing nations Why it matters: Are found more precisely expresses where endangered animals occur.
- 4. Reduce vague wording Original: a variety of other concerns Suggested revision: many other concerns Why it matters: The replacement states the quantity directly and concisely.
- 5. Remove vague ending Original: employment, and so on Suggested revision: employment Why it matters: The listed examples already establish the range, so the vague phrase is unnecessary.
- 6. Clarify causal link Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because states the causal relationship more explicitly than as.
- 7. Repair parallel structure Original: not only for the development of new medicines and the functioning of a healthy food chain but also in order to showcase Suggested revision: for developing new medicines, maintaining healthy food chains, and showcasing Why it matters: The replacement gives all three functions the same grammatical form.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: varied expressions of life Suggested revision: variety of life Why it matters: The replacement expresses biodiversity more naturally and directly.
- 9. Refine restrictive clause Original: wild animals which may go extinct Suggested revision: wild animals that are at risk of extinction Why it matters: That introduces the defining group clearly, and at risk of extinction is more precise.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Human intervention can therefore be seen as unnatural to a certain degree as animals that adapt will flourish and others will become obsolete. Suggested revision: Human intervention can therefore be seen as somewhat unnatural because adaptable animals will flourish while others will become extinct. Why it matters: The rewrite resolves the ambiguous repeated as construction and replaces the unsuitable word obsolete.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The issue of responsibility is not, to my mind, a compelling enough argument as blame can be assigned in a number of directions and is too self-righteous to be persuasive. Suggested revision: Arguments about responsibility are unpersuasive because blame can be assigned in many directions and may sound self-righteous. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies what is being judged and gives each predicate a clear subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- Many today Many people today
- a positive overall positive overall
- are in developing nations are found in developing nations
- a variety of other concerns many other concerns
- employment, and so on employment
- as because
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, nuanced position and develops both the practical objections and the long-term case for conservation through a well-controlled structure and sophisticated language. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in the reasoning and wording, particularly where responsibility is dismissed abruptly and biodiversity is linked to the Earth’s “reputation.” Prioritise making each supporting claim more explicitly relevant to resource allocation and choosing more exact collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position and relevant consideration of costs and long-term benefits, though one part of the supporting reasoning is insufficiently explained.
Explain more directly why conservation benefits justify the claimed level of spending and focus, especially when public resources are limited.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices generally used fluently and clear progression throughout.
Strengthen the internal link between the responsibility point and the subsequent argument about irreversible damage.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary is used fluently for abstract argument, although a few collocations are imprecise or rhetorically strained.
Choose more exact alternatives for phrases such as species becoming obsolete and damage to the Earth’s reputation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and consistently well controlled, with only rare minor awkwardness that does not affect clarity.
Refine the occasional compressed construction so that every qualification and logical relationship is immediately transparent.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.