Some people say that supermarkets and manufacturers have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on products they sell. Others believe that it is the consumer’s responsibility to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Sample Response
It is often argued that curtailing the over-packaging of products is the onus of supermarkets and manufacturers rather than consumers. From my point of view, I am largely in agreement with the latter viewpoint.
On the one hand, supermarkets and manufacturers are responsible for using less packaging because they are the ones who have instituted unnecessary packaging on a large scale. There is no discernible reason, in light of its dire environmental impact, that toothpaste manufacturers have historically chosen to pack tubes in extra boxes or supermarkets have opted to wrap bananas and apples in Styrofoam trays, covered with plastic. These redundant practices contribute greatly to both the initial production of plastic and its subsequent disposal in landfills. Since supermarkets and manufacturers are the ones with the power to reform their own policies, it is only logical that they should be responsible.
On the other hand, only consumers can force the hands of large corporations by boycotting their products. This is best evidenced in cities where it used to be common to package fruits and vegetables in plastic, such as Chiang Mai in Thailand. Consumer awareness movements among locals have had a discernible impact on companies. It is now much more common to find bananas bare or simply wrapped in natural leaves and vegetables tied together with a single piece of string to lessen their environmental footprint. This same practice employed in cities around the world will have the largest possible impact on the environment.
In conclusion, the only pragmatic way to persuade shareholder-controlled corporations to reform packaging policies is by putting consumer pressure on their bottom lines. If customers make more of an effort to steer clear of heavily packaged products in favour of more environmentally conscious ones, this will lead to a shift in thinking when it comes to the environmental toll of plastics.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the collocation Original: onus Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: The noun ‘onus’ normally appears in the pattern ‘the onus is on someone’.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: am largely in agreement with Suggested revision: largely agree with Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase conveys the same position more directly.
- 3. Choose a natural verb Original: instituted Suggested revision: introduced Why it matters: ‘Introduced’ collocates more naturally with a packaging practice.
- 4. Correct the idiom Original: hands Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: The established expression is ‘force the hand of’ someone, even when the affected group is plural.
- 5. Use natural evidence phrase Original: This is best evidenced in cities Suggested revision: This is most clearly demonstrated in cities Why it matters: The revision expresses the evidential link in more natural academic English.
- 6. Tighten the noun phrase Original: Consumer awareness movements among locals Suggested revision: Local consumer-awareness campaigns Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward combination of ‘movements’ and ‘among locals’.
- 7. Use precise description Original: bananas bare Suggested revision: unpackaged bananas Why it matters: ‘Unpackaged’ states the relevant product feature more precisely than ‘bare’.
- 8. Use formal collocation Original: putting Suggested revision: exerting Why it matters: ‘Exerting pressure’ is the more natural formal collocation.
- 9. Describe products accurately Original: environmentally conscious ones Suggested revision: environmentally friendly alternatives Why it matters: Products can be environmentally friendly, but they cannot themselves be conscious.
- 10. Remove wordiness Original: shift in thinking when it comes to Suggested revision: shift in thinking about Why it matters: The concise preposition preserves the meaning without the conversational phrase ‘when it comes to’.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There is no discernible reason, in light of its dire environmental impact, that toothpaste manufacturers have historically chosen to pack tubes in extra boxes or supermarkets have opted to wrap bananas and apples in Styrofoam trays, covered with plastic. Suggested revision: Given its severe environmental impact, there is no clear reason why toothpaste manufacturers have historically packed tubes in extra boxes or why supermarkets have wrapped bananas and apples in Styrofoam trays and covered them with plastic. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the ‘reason that’ structure, parallelism, and the ambiguous final modifier.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This same practice employed in cities around the world will have the largest possible impact on the environment. Suggested revision: If this same practice were adopted in cities around the world, it would have the largest possible impact on the environment. Why it matters: The conditional form correctly presents the proposed worldwide adoption as a hypothetical situation.
Suggested Rewrites
- onus responsibility
- am largely in agreement with largely agree with
- instituted introduced
- hands hand
- This is best evidenced in cities This is most clearly demonstrated in cities
- Consumer awareness movements among locals Local consumer-awareness campaigns
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully discusses both perspectives, sustains a clear preference for consumer responsibility, and supports each view with specific, persuasive examples. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement, particularly the claim that consumer pressure is the only pragmatic solution, alongside a few dense formulations. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify absolute claims and make the final comparison between corporate power and consumer influence more explicitly balanced.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are thoroughly addressed, and the writer's position is clear, relevant, and well supported throughout.
Qualify absolute claims and explicitly weigh why consumer leverage ultimately outweighs direct corporate responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraph purposes and cohesive progression from opposing responsibilities to the final judgement.
Make the transition into the final comparison slightly more explicit so the weighing of the two views is unmistakable.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, with only occasional dense or slightly overstated phrasing.
Retain the sophisticated range while choosing more measured wording where absolute expressions add unnecessary force.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled with excellent control, and any minor slips do not impede communication.
Refine the occasional heavily embedded sentence to preserve the same accuracy with even greater readability.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that supermarkets and manufacturers have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on products they sell. Others believe that it is the consumer’s responsibility to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.