Hunting animals is one of the mankind’s earliest instincts and, therefore, should not be restricted. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Since the very beginning of the human civilisation, the creatures which lack in intelligence and power are being dominated by their counterparts. Apparently, since ages, human beings have been hunting animals and this trend has not stopped till date. Although contested by many, it is argued that the hunting should be banned with an immediate effect. The hunting is considered both as immoral and unethical practice. Hunting not only makes few species extinct but also affects the dairy industry of the country. Firstly, there are a few species which are already very limited in numbers. Thus, hunting such animals will make them extinct. Take tigers, for example. A survey conducted by the forest department of India shows that currently there are only 2000 odd tigers left in India, compared to 3500 odd in 2014. This exponentially decreasing count of tigers clearly shows that if hunting is not stopped, our next generation might just be left with only images of tigers. Moreover, the Indian economy is highly dependent on the dairy industry. Thus, any impact on this industry will directly affect the economy of the country. Indubitably, the act of hunting is doing no good for the dairy industry. For example, if the count of the milk producing cattle is decreased, automatically the production of dairy products would also be reduced. Thus, it is quite evident how a ban on hunting would catalyse the dairy industry, and in turn, the Indian economy. After analysing the above points, we can safely conclude that although, since ages human beings have kept themselves engaged in the act of hunting, the same has numerous detrimental effects as well. In order to effectively address those issues, the hunting should be stopped immediately. It is also believed that considering the negative impact of hunting, in the foreseeable future, individuals would refrain themselves from this act.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wrong preposition Original: lack in intelligence Suggested revision: lack intelligence Why it matters: The verb lack takes a direct object and does not require in here.
- 2. Correct the tense Original: are being dominated Suggested revision: have been dominated Why it matters: The present perfect passive fits a situation continuing from the past to the present.
- 3. Fix time expression Original: Apparently, since ages Suggested revision: For ages Why it matters: For ages is the idiomatic expression for a long continuing period.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: till date Suggested revision: to this day Why it matters: This is a more natural formal expression for continuation up to the present.
- 5. Remove the article Original: the hunting should be banned Suggested revision: hunting should be banned Why it matters: Hunting refers to an activity in general, so it does not take the definite article.
- 6. Fix the fixed phrase Original: with an immediate effect Suggested revision: with immediate effect Why it matters: The standard expression is with immediate effect without an article.
- 7. Remove the article Original: The hunting is considered Suggested revision: Hunting is considered Why it matters: The gerund names a general activity and should not have the here.
- 8. Complete the noun phrase Original: both as immoral and unethical practice Suggested revision: both an immoral and an unethical practice Why it matters: Each coordinated adjective needs an article to modify the singular count noun practice.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: makes few species extinct Suggested revision: drives some species to extinction Why it matters: This is the conventional collocation for describing the loss of species.
- 10. Correct number phrasing Original: very limited in numbers Suggested revision: very small in number Why it matters: Number is singular when referring collectively to the size of a population.
- 11. Format the estimate Original: 2000 odd tigers Suggested revision: about 2,000 tigers Why it matters: About states the approximation more clearly, and the comma improves number formatting.
- 12. Format the estimate Original: 3500 odd Suggested revision: about 3,500 Why it matters: This is a clearer formal way to present an approximate figure.
Suggested Rewrites
- lack in intelligence lack intelligence
- are being dominated have been dominated
- Apparently, since ages For ages
- till date to this day
- the hunting should be banned hunting should be banned
- with an immediate effect with immediate effect
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear opposition to unrestricted hunting and develops the extinction argument with a relevant example. Its main weakness is that the dairy-industry discussion rests on a doubtful connection between hunting and milk-producing cattle, while the single-block organisation and recurring language errors reduce polish. Prioritise a more defensible second reason, then separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit article, preposition, and reflexive-pronoun use.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and the extinction argument is developed, but the dairy-industry claim is only partly convincing and weakens the support.
Replace the dairy example with a directly relevant consequence of hunting, such as ecological imbalance or animal-welfare harm, and explain it fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical sequence and linking is clear, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and makes transitions mechanical.
Use distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one clearly developed reason.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably wide formal vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations such as since ages and catalyse the dairy industry recur.
Prioritise natural collocations and precise word choice, especially when describing trends, economic effects, and restrictions on hunting.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted successfully enough for meaning to remain clear, although article, preposition, tense, and reflexive-pronoun errors recur.
Edit recurring forms such as the hunting, lack in, are being dominated, and refrain themselves, then check article use throughout.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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