Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with trade, health and education. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. Some say that the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. In my opinion, the aid of wealthy countries is imperative to fight poverty in developing nations.
Most of the African countries live in sub-human conditions because of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected population were to receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But this can only be achieved through international help programs in which leaders of the world’s richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need.
Moreover, most of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and raw materials to rich nations and buying industrialized products from them resulting in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their broken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Recognising this as an issue that wealthy countries can resolve, last year the G8, which is comprised of leaders of the eight richest nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the world’s poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries.
In conclusion, leaders of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations in dealing with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle poorer countries are locked in, which results in poverty and death.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: Most of the African countries Suggested revision: Most African countries Why it matters: Most takes a plural noun directly when referring generally to a group.
- 2. Use appropriate description Original: sub-human conditions Suggested revision: inhumane conditions Why it matters: Inhumane describes cruel or intolerable living conditions more appropriately.
- 3. Remove incorrect article Original: the extreme poverty Suggested revision: extreme poverty Why it matters: Poverty is used without the definite article when discussed generally.
- 4. Use standard collocation Original: help Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: International aid is the conventional term for assistance from richer countries.
- 5. Generalise without article Original: most of the poor countries Suggested revision: most poor countries Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary when making this general statement.
- 6. Separate result phrase Original: from them resulting in Suggested revision: from them, resulting in Why it matters: A comma should separate the result participle phrase from the main clause.
- 7. Use formal description Original: broken Suggested revision: struggling Why it matters: Struggling is a more precise and appropriately formal description of weak economies.
- 8. Correct comprise structure Original: which is comprised of Suggested revision: which comprises Why it matters: Comprise directly takes the constituent members as its object.
- 9. Add possessive apostrophe Original: dollars worth of debt Suggested revision: dollars’ worth of debt Why it matters: The fixed quantity expression requires a possessive apostrophe after dollars.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected population were to receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. Suggested revision: Conditions caused by the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if infected people received free drugs to control the disease, had access to health professionals and obtained information on preventing its spread. Why it matters: Consequences cannot themselves improve, so the rewrite supplies a logical subject and maintains parallel verbs.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle poorer countries are locked in, which results in poverty and death. Suggested revision: Their aid is key to breaking the vicious cycle of poverty and death in which poorer countries are trapped. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ambiguous relative clause and makes the cycle's outcome explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- Most of the African countries Most African countries
- sub-human conditions inhumane conditions
- the extreme poverty extreme poverty
- help aid
- most of the poor countries most poor countries
- from them resulting in from them, resulting in
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a firm position and develops it through well-chosen examples of health assistance, debt relief, and financial support, with strong progression and generally precise language. Coverage of education and practical trade reform is comparatively brief, and a few formulations are awkward; the best improvement would be to develop those dimensions more explicitly while polishing the small number of lexical and grammatical lapses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and is supported by relevant, well-developed examples across health and economic assistance, though education receives less explicit attention.
Develop the education and trade dimensions as explicitly as the health and debt examples to make the task coverage fully even.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without becoming intrusive.
Refine the transition from trade imbalance to debt relief so the precise relationship between the problem and the proposed assistance is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with effective topic-specific choices and only occasional awkward or slightly overstated wording.
Polish isolated formulations such as broken economies and sub-human conditions by choosing equally precise language with a more neutral academic register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few errors or awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Review long sentences for attachment and agreement so phrases such as the participial clause after industrialized products have an unmistakable grammatical reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with trade, health and education. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.