There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world to help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The world today is often divided into two categories, more developed and less developed countries. This division is significant in terms of health, wealth and education. To minimise this gap, it is argued that richer countries are morally responsible to support the less wealthy. I, personally, feel that the prosperous countries are obligated and expected to to contribute to the development of countries with weaker economies.
To address this argument, the history of the wealthy countries is relevant. Many less developed countries are former colonies, therefore the wealthy countries had a historical impact on the less wealthy. Thus, richer countries’ economies were dependent on the currently less developed countries for their rich status. Furthermore, even today the wealthy countries contribute to the wealth inequality by exploiting the inhabitants of less developed countries, giving workers lower wages than people within their own countries. Due to this dependence on poorer countries and the influence that the richer countries have had on the imbalance, it can be concluded that richer countries are indeed morally obliged to help the less wealthy countries.
Opposing this is the view that each country is in charge of their own inhabitants and that therefore they need to provide health, education and basic necessities for themselves. In addition, simply providing these three services would not lead to closing the wealth gap. It would rather be helpful to invest sustainably in poorer countries and help them create their own systems, allowing these countries to be self-sufficient.
In conclusion, while there is a moral necessity for wealthy countries to aid the poorer ones, simply providing basic necessities is not sufficient. A more sustainable idea would be to teach countries to plan and provide for themselves by giving economic incentives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Introduce category list Original: two categories, more developed and less developed countries Suggested revision: two categories: more developed and less developed countries Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the two categories named after the independent clause.
- 2. Correct adjective pattern Original: responsible to support Suggested revision: responsible for supporting Why it matters: The adjective “responsible” takes “for” followed by a gerund in this construction.
- 3. Remove unnecessary commas Original: I, personally, feel Suggested revision: I personally feel Why it matters: The adverb does not need to be isolated by commas in this short phrase.
- 4. Remove repeated word Original: to to contribute Suggested revision: to contribute Why it matters: The infinitive marker “to” has been duplicated.
- 5. Clarify paragraph function Original: address Suggested revision: support Why it matters: The paragraph supplies support for the claim rather than merely addressing it.
- 6. Fix comma splice Original: colonies, therefore Suggested revision: colonies; therefore, Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent clauses, and the conjunctive adverb takes a following comma.
- 7. Use precise wealth noun Original: for their rich status Suggested revision: for their wealth Why it matters: “Wealth” expresses economic prosperity more naturally than “rich status.”
- 8. Use direct verb form Original: would not lead to closing Suggested revision: would not close Why it matters: The direct verb form is more concise and grammatically natural in this clause.
- 9. Mark alternative clearly Original: It would rather be helpful Suggested revision: Instead, it would be more helpful Why it matters: “Instead” clearly signals the proposed alternative to simply providing services.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Furthermore, even today the wealthy countries contribute to the wealth inequality by exploiting the inhabitants of less developed countries, giving workers lower wages than people within their own countries. Suggested revision: Furthermore, even today wealthy countries contribute to wealth inequality by exploiting inhabitants of less developed countries and paying workers lower wages than they pay workers in their own countries. Why it matters: The rewrite removes unnecessary articles and makes the wage comparison grammatically parallel.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Opposing this is the view that each country is in charge of their own inhabitants and that therefore they need to provide health, education and basic necessities for themselves. Suggested revision: Opposing this is the view that each country is responsible for its own inhabitants and therefore needs to provide health care, education and basic necessities for them. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes singular pronoun agreement and replaces the awkward phrase “in charge of.”
Suggested Rewrites
- two categories, more developed and less developed countries two categories: more developed and less developed countries
- responsible to support responsible for supporting
- I, personally, feel I personally feel
- to to contribute to contribute
- address support
- colonies, therefore colonies; therefore,
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its thoughtful, clearly sustained argument that wealthy countries have historical and continuing responsibilities, supported by relevant discussion of colonialism, exploitation, and sustainable assistance. Its main limitation is that the counter-position and practical implications for food, education, and health care receive less detailed development. The highest-priority improvement is to extend those dimensions with one precise example while correcting the few awkward or faulty sentence constructions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear, nuanced position is developed with relevant reasons, though the named areas of assistance and the opposing view could be explored further.
Add a concrete example showing how sustainable support could improve one of the specified areas while preserving self-sufficiency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress coherently from responsibility to counterargument and solution, with effective paragraphing and generally natural cohesion.
Make the transition from the counterargument to the proposed sustainable alternative slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and precise vocabulary for inequality, obligation, exploitation, and development, with only occasional repetition.
Reduce repetition of “wealthy” and “less developed countries” by using precise contextual substitutes where clarity is retained.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled confidently and accurately overall, despite a few slips in punctuation, agreement, and phrasing.
Correct local errors such as the repeated “to,” comma-spliced clauses, and singular-plural reference before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world to help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.