The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?
Sample Response
There is no doubt that the gap present clearly today between the poor and the rich is getting wider by time and is affecting our way of life. That was only observed in the past in some communities where the wealth of a country was restricted to a few powerful and connected people. They used to own more than eighty percent of the resources and income, while the rest is barely enough for the common people. Nowadays, the difference is significant but not limited to the societies finest. Society is divided into groups, the rich, the poor and the few managing to enjoy some of the rich benefits but struggling to keep this level, they are bouncing between the limits of each of the other groups. As a result of today's situation, a broadband of the poor are striving to get a fair share of prosperity with no actual hope, the fabric of the society is getting weaker and therefore each group is more colonised to itself forming new habits and customs. Bridging this gap can only be done if equality was achieved in basic needs like education and healthcare. If acceptable ease was managed for the common people in their daily routines like public transportations and business facilities, that would also be helpful. There must be transparent laws to manage the use of wealth and the equality of sharing it and monitor any possible corruption. The sense of equal opportunity has to be delivered and believed by all people. Briefly, no community can prosper and evolve safely unless the gaps are bridged between people in all aspects giving a fair chance to everyone to live in comfort if they worked reasonably hard to achieve it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Order the phrase clearly Original: the gap present clearly today between the poor and the rich Suggested revision: the gap between the rich and the poor today Why it matters: The original modifiers interrupt the relationship between gap and the two groups.
- 2. Use the correct phrase Original: is getting wider by time Suggested revision: is widening over time Why it matters: Over time is the natural expression for a gradual change.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: That was only observed in the past in some communities Suggested revision: This was previously observed only in some communities Why it matters: This clearly refers to the widening gap, while previously gives the time relationship directly.
- 4. Use wealth concentration Original: the wealth of a country was restricted to Suggested revision: a country's wealth was concentrated among Why it matters: Wealth is concentrated among people rather than restricted to them in this context.
- 5. Match the past tense Original: while the rest is barely enough Suggested revision: while the remainder was barely enough Why it matters: The verb should remain in the past tense established by used to own.
- 6. Correct possession and noun Original: the societies finest Suggested revision: society's elite Why it matters: The possessive needs an apostrophe, and elite names the privileged group naturally.
- 7. Use present conditional Original: if equality was achieved Suggested revision: if equality is achieved Why it matters: A real proposed condition takes the present tense in the if-clause.
- 8. Use a clear collocation Original: acceptable ease was managed Suggested revision: adequate access was provided Why it matters: Access can be provided, whereas ease is not naturally managed in this context.
- 9. Introduce examples clearly Original: in their daily routines like Suggested revision: in their daily lives through Why it matters: Through correctly introduces the public services that would improve daily life.
- 10. Use uncountable transport Original: public transportations Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: Transport is uncountable when referring generally to a public system.
- 11. Name the principle Original: The sense of equal opportunity Suggested revision: The principle of equal opportunity Why it matters: Equal opportunity is a principle rather than a feeling or sense.
- 12. Use parallel verbs Original: has to be delivered and believed by Suggested revision: must be communicated to and accepted by Why it matters: The revised passive verbs take the correct prepositions and form a parallel pair.
Suggested Rewrites
- the gap present clearly today between the poor and the rich the gap between the rich and the poor today
- is getting wider by time is widening over time
- That was only observed in the past in some communities This was previously observed only in some communities
- the wealth of a country was restricted to a country's wealth was concentrated among
- while the rest is barely enough while the remainder was barely enough
- the societies finest society's elite
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both problems and solutions, identifying social fragmentation and proposing fairer access to education, healthcare, services, opportunity, and transparent laws. However, the problem analysis remains vague, all ideas run together in one paragraph, and frequent inaccurate vocabulary and sentence construction make several claims difficult to interpret. Define one or two concrete consequences, organise problems and solutions separately, and express each measure in simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with several relevant ideas, but the stated social problems and proposed mechanisms are often broad or insufficiently explained.
Develop one concrete problem, such as social tension, and show exactly how equal access to education or healthcare would reduce the gap.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broad movement from background to problems, solutions, and conclusion is visible, but one-block presentation and long run-on sentences weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for causes of harm and proposed solutions, with one main idea and explanation in each.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied social and economic vocabulary, but frequent misuse in phrases such as ‘a broadband of the poor’ and ‘colonised to itself’ obscures meaning.
Choose familiar, accurate terms such as ‘a broad section of poorer people’ and ‘social groups become increasingly isolated’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, tense, and conditional forms are frequently inaccurate.
Break long sentences into complete clauses and review conditional consistency, especially ‘if equality were achieved’ and related result clauses.
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