Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?
Sample Response
Money plays an imperative role in one’s life. However, some among the mass believe that it is the most significant than other important factors and aspects of life. A moot question pertaining to the use of money would be the meticulous ways to spend it and other factors attributing to one's quality of life? Let us discourse on this topic below.
As far as the right use of money is concerned, the golden rule would be to spend it wisely focusing on righteousness and virtues. Firstly, money should be spent on one's necessities compared to luxuries. It is ubiquitous nowadays for a mediocre family to own cars. This exemplifies the innate quest within the public to be extravagant. Secondly, money being spent on charity would classify the right use of it. From time immemorial, man has perceived himself as a social being, hence money spend on helping others would serve its ideal purpose. Thirdly, the monitoring efforts have been made to combat the threats to human existence on earth like terrorism, global warming etc. would be the next in line. Worldwide fundraisers to counter these menace exemplifies the right use of money.
Apart from money, factors are many that contribute to one's quality of life. A good life would mean social, emotional and physical well-being of an individual. An individual devoid of mental peace would be a backlog contender towards achieving the quality of life. Maintaining one's social and familial relationships in an enchanting manner would be ideal for quality life. Another indispensable factor in this context would be the success in life that one earned, both success and good life being directly proportional to each other. Last but not to the least, one's innate qualities like kindheartedness, love towards their counterparts, the way one thing all constitutes to achieving a better quality.
To conclude, I would like to reiterate that though money is eminent, when it comes to livelihood and quality of life, it would be dogmatic to assert that wealth is the most important than other factors involved in a healthy living. Along with the other determiners and rightly spend money, life is beautiful!
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural people phrase Original: some among the mass Suggested revision: some people Why it matters: Some among the mass is not an idiomatic way to refer to a group of people.
- 2. Use comparative form Original: the most significant than Suggested revision: more significant than Why it matters: A comparison with than requires the comparative form more significant.
- 3. Separate participial phrase Original: wisely focusing Suggested revision: wisely, focusing Why it matters: A comma is needed before the supplementary participial phrase.
- 4. Use preference contrast Original: necessities compared to luxuries Suggested revision: necessities rather than luxuries Why it matters: Rather than correctly expresses the preference for necessities over luxuries.
- 5. Use correct classification phrase Original: would classify the right use of it Suggested revision: would be a proper use of it Why it matters: The verb classify cannot take right use as its complement in this construction.
- 6. Fix sentence boundary Original: social being, hence Suggested revision: social being; hence, Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent clauses, and hence is followed by a comma.
- 7. Use past participle Original: spend Suggested revision: spent Why it matters: Spent is the past participle required in the reduced passive phrase.
- 8. Fix plural agreement Original: these menace exemplifies Suggested revision: these menaces exemplify Why it matters: The plural determiner these requires menaces, and the plural subject fundraisers requires exemplify.
- 9. Use existential structure Original: factors are many Suggested revision: there are many factors Why it matters: The existential structure there are naturally introduces multiple factors.
- 10. Clarify disadvantage phrase Original: a backlog contender towards achieving Suggested revision: at a disadvantage in achieving Why it matters: The replacement clearly expresses difficulty in attaining a good quality of life.
- 11. Complete quality phrase Original: for quality life Suggested revision: for a good quality of life Why it matters: The countable expression requires an article and the full phrase quality of life.
- 12. Use fixed expression Original: Last but not to the least Suggested revision: Last but not least Why it matters: Last but not least is the standard fixed expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- some among the mass some people
- the most significant than more significant than
- wisely focusing wisely, focusing
- necessities compared to luxuries necessities rather than luxuries
- would classify the right use of it would be a proper use of it
- social being, hence social being; hence,
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay addresses both questions in a clear two-part structure, identifying necessities, charity, and public causes as uses of money and linking a good life to well-being, relationships, and personal qualities. Its main weakness is precision: over-ambitious vocabulary is frequently misused, and several explanations become unclear or unconvincing. Prioritise simpler, accurate language and develop each main idea with one concrete example and an explicit link to quality of life.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered with several relevant ideas, but some examples and claims are insufficiently explained or only loosely connected to the proposed use of money or a good life.
Select the strongest uses and life factors, then explain each with a realistic example showing why it contributes to individual or social well-being.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing clearly separates the two questions and the numbered ideas provide progression, though mechanical sequencing and unclear sentence logic occasionally disrupt flow.
Build each paragraph around one central claim and use cause-and-effect links instead of listing several loosely developed points.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts an extensive academic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate or overly ornate choices substantially reduce naturalness and precision.
Prefer direct terms such as essential, many people, careful spending, average family, public projects, mental well-being, and personal qualities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but comparative forms, agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction show frequent errors and sometimes obscure meaning.
Use complete declarative sentences, check every verb against its subject, and revise comparative and passive structures before adding complex phrasing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.