More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. Why is this happening? What measures can be taken to reverse this trend?
Sample Response
An alarming number of people today consume sugar-based drinks, whether it is in the form of soda, energy drinks or fruit drinks. Often consumers are lured by their widespread availability and convenience, however, marketing campaigns also play a role, targeting young people and giving them the perception that sugary drinks are not as unhealthy as they actually are.
The availability of these types of drinks has greatly increased over time. They can now be found in almost any store or restaurant, which makes them easily accessible to almost anyone. The fact that they are often cheaper than alternatives, such as water or freshly squeezed juice, makes them an especially attractive option for those on a budget. Marketing campaigns for sugary beverages have been quite successful in creating positive associations attached to these products through advertisements on TV and billboards. This encourages people to consider them fun rather than unhealthy and normalises them within society.
Luckily, reversing the rise in popularity of sugary drinks is still possible, if we act now and attack the problem from different angles. One of the very first steps should be educating people on the health risks associated with high sugar intake so that they can make better-informed decisions when selecting what type of beverage they consume. Companies should also be held accountable by law for their misleading marketing campaigns aimed at children and teenagers who are more likely to believe the false claims about their products’ health benefits without fully understanding what’s being sold to them. Schools, colleges and universities, and any institutions catering for young people, should consider banning sugary drinks and replacing them with refreshing alternatives without added sugar.
Overall, it is important that we recognise the potential health risks posed by consuming too much sugar from soft drinks and take actionable steps towards reversing this trend in order to ensure our long-term wellbeing. Through greater education, government regulation, and increased corporate responsibility we can ensure that more people understand why reducing their intake of sugary beverages is important while still allowing them to access enjoyable yet healthier options.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove mismatched pronoun Original: whether it is in the form of Suggested revision: whether in the form of Why it matters: The singular pronoun it does not agree with the plural drinks it refers to.
- 2. Add introductory comma Original: Often consumers Suggested revision: Often, consumers Why it matters: A comma helps mark the introductory sentence adverb.
- 3. Fix comma splice Original: convenience, however, marketing Suggested revision: convenience; however, marketing Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before however because it joins two independent clauses.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: giving them the perception Suggested revision: creating the perception Why it matters: Create a perception is more idiomatic than give someone a perception.
- 5. Avoid double negative Original: not as unhealthy as they actually are Suggested revision: healthier than they actually are Why it matters: The positive comparative conveys the intended misleading impression more directly.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: positive associations attached to these products Suggested revision: positive associations with these products Why it matters: Associations are made with something rather than attached to it in this context.
- 7. Make comparison parallel Original: consider them fun rather than unhealthy Suggested revision: view them as fun and harmless Why it matters: Fun and unhealthy are not contrasting qualities, while fun and harmless express the intended perception coherently.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: possible, if we act now Suggested revision: possible if we act now Why it matters: The essential if-clause should not be separated from possible by a comma.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: very first steps Suggested revision: first steps Why it matters: First already identifies the earliest point, so very adds no useful meaning.
- 10. Use infinitive structure Original: should be educating people on Suggested revision: should be to educate people about Why it matters: The infinitive naturally identifies what the proposed step should be.
- 11. Streamline the list Original: Schools, colleges and universities, and any institutions catering for young people Suggested revision: Schools, colleges, universities and other institutions catering for young people Why it matters: Other groups the general category with the specific examples and removes the repeated conjunction.
- 12. Add clause comma Original: increased corporate responsibility we can Suggested revision: increased corporate responsibility, we can Why it matters: A comma is required after the introductory prepositional phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- whether it is in the form of whether in the form of
- Often consumers Often, consumers
- convenience, however, marketing convenience; however, marketing
- giving them the perception creating the perception
- not as unhealthy as they actually are healthier than they actually are
- positive associations attached to these products positive associations with these products
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions with well-developed explanations of availability, price, and marketing, followed by practical and clearly justified measures. Its main limitations are minor: a few long sentence boundaries are imperfect, and some claims could be framed more precisely. The highest priority is to polish punctuation and concision so that the already strong reasoning is expressed with consistently effortless control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the causes and solutions with relevant, extended ideas and a consistent focus on reversing the trend.
Refine a few broad claims about pricing and marketing so that every supporting point is precisely qualified.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced logically across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the argument smoothly with minimal intrusion.
Make the final paragraph slightly more concise to avoid restating earlier solution points at unnecessary length.
Lexical Resource
A wide, flexible vocabulary conveys the argument precisely, with only occasional slightly wordy or less exact phrasing.
Prefer leaner formulations where expressions such as “positive associations attached to these products” can be stated more directly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor punctuation and sentence-boundary lapses.
Separate or correctly punctuate independent clauses, particularly around conjunctive adverbs such as “however.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. Why is this happening? What measures can be taken to reverse this trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.