Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes? What measures could the international community take in order to improve the situation?
Sample Response
While agricultural industry has improved significantly since the Industrial Revolution, the pressure on food supply in the world is not without its challenges. It looks to me that this problem can be attributed to the ever-growing population relative to the underdevelopment in farming industry, and accordingly I will recommend some measure to tackle the problem.
One of the most frequently mentioned factors leading to the apprehension about food shortage is the accelerating population on the planet. The past century has witnessed an almost threefold increase in the world population to over 7 billion, which entails enormous demand for food supply. Unfortunately, the agricultural production has been left behind due to relentless urbanization worldwide, which acts as the major culprit that constantly encroaches on farmland the world over. To complicate matters even more, another concomitant consequence of city prosperity is the migration of younger generation from rural areas to cities, which exacerbates insufficient labor force needed by agriculture.
However, the aforementioned problems can be tackled with from both administrative and technological perspectives. Firstly, governments can legislate against further encroachment on agricultural land, thus preserving the land for farming purposes. Adding to the point is to apply new technology to increase crop production, whether these be farm machinery, organic fertilizers, or pesticides. Not to be left behind is the education at the importance of agriculture among youngsters, thus curbing the brain drain from village to cities.
I would conclude therefore, the imbalance between food demand and supply is caused by the population explosion and the trend towards urbanization; both issues can be properly addressed with the combination of legislation, technology and education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: While agricultural industry Suggested revision: While the agricultural industry Why it matters: The specific industry requires the definite article in this context.
- 2. Add article Original: pressure on food supply in the world Suggested revision: pressure on the global food supply Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase food supply requires a determiner here.
- 3. State point directly Original: is not without its challenges Suggested revision: poses significant challenges Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is clearer than the double-negative expression.
- 4. Use academic phrasing Original: It looks to me that Suggested revision: It seems that Why it matters: It seems that is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 5. Clarify relationship Original: relative to the underdevelopment in farming industry Suggested revision: alongside underdevelopment in the farming industry Why it matters: Alongside correctly coordinates the two proposed causes, and industry requires the definite article.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: measure Suggested revision: measures Why it matters: Some requires a plural countable noun in this meaning.
- 7. Reduce wordiness Original: One of the most frequently mentioned factors Suggested revision: A major factor Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the point more directly without changing the claim.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: the apprehension about food shortage Suggested revision: concern about food shortages Why it matters: Concern about food shortages is the more natural expression in this context.
- 9. Fix word choice Original: the accelerating population Suggested revision: the rapidly growing population Why it matters: A population grows rapidly rather than accelerates.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: which entails enormous demand for food supply Suggested revision: which creates enormous demand for food Why it matters: Demand is created for food, while food supply refers to the available quantity.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the agricultural production Suggested revision: agricultural production Why it matters: Production is used as an uncountable general noun here and does not take the article.
- 12. Use precise expression Original: has been left behind Suggested revision: has fallen behind Why it matters: Fallen behind more precisely describes insufficient progress over time.
Suggested Rewrites
- While agricultural industry While the agricultural industry
- pressure on food supply in the world pressure on the global food supply
- is not without its challenges poses significant challenges
- It looks to me that It seems that
- relative to the underdevelopment in farming industry alongside underdevelopment in the farming industry
- measure measures
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies relevant causes and proposes a coherent set of legislative, technological, and educational measures, with a clear overall progression. Its main weakness is that the solutions are framed chiefly as actions by individual governments, while the task specifically asks what the international community could do, and several grammatical and collocational errors recur. Prioritising coordinated international measures and editing noun phrases and prepositions would improve both task precision and language control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant causes and solutions are developed, but the requested international-community perspective is only partially addressed.
Explain how international bodies or cooperating countries could fund technology, protect farmland, or coordinate agricultural education across borders.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly from causes to measures and uses paragraphing effectively, despite some mechanical sentence openings.
Replace formulaic transitions such as Adding to the point and Not to be left behind with direct topic-led connections.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad topic-specific vocabulary, but several awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Revise combinations such as accelerating population, city prosperity, and education at the importance of agriculture into standard academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently, but recurring article, agreement, number, and preposition errors weaken control.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns carefully, including the agricultural industry, some measures, tackled from, and migration from villages to cities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes? What measures could the international community take in order to improve the situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.