In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
The overweight of people is a global issue as the number of obese people is increasing in many countries. At the same time, the quality of their health and fitness are declining. Some individuals assume that these matters are occurred because of over-consumption of fast foods, sedentary lifestyle and lack of consciousness. In spite of the horrible effects of this lifestyle, people can minimise those trends by eating some organic vegetables and fruits frequently and doing exercise regularly.
To begin with, fast foods are the major cause of overweight. Every person who loves consuming these meals has a tendency to obtain inappropriate weight, particularly, obesities. In fact, junk foods contain less nutrition and more fat. This circumstance may come from ingredients which are used to produce the foods. Fast foods, in most of the cases, contain ingredients which are harmful to our body and cause rapid weight gain.
Secondly, people nowadays live a sedentary lifestyle and rely on technology to do their tasks. They even rely on ready-made foods to avoid cooking at home. Reliance on the computer and the internet has decreased their outdoor activities and very few people these days participate in sports and exercises. As a result, their health condition is decreasing as well as weight is increasing.
Finally, the lack of consciousness among people is another reason for this to happen. Apart from teens and children most of us know the harmful side effects of fast food intake and not doing exercises. Yet, we choose to live a life that we know would be harmful to us.
However, the preceding issue can be deterred by few steps. Firstly, people should get used to purchasing organic vegetables and fruits which do not contain chemicals. Although the prices of these organic foods are not cheap as non-organic one, benefits are indispensable to support our healthy. Secondly, it is often stated that to keep your body in good condition requires exercises daily basis. Doing sport can be adequate help to obtain ideal weight. For instance, going to the gym every week and walking in the evening can keep our body from being sick. We need to avoid fast foods as much as possible and put more effort on staying healthy by getting involved in physical exercises. The government can build more sports centres and gyms to encourage people to take part in exercises and reducing pollution would be another effective measure that should be ensured from the government’s end.
In brief, people may choose to eat fast foods; however, this behaviour can cause serious health issues. It would be better if people seek more information about the foods and doing sport to decrease the disadvantages of fast foods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun phrase Original: The overweight of people Suggested revision: Excess body weight Why it matters: Overweight is normally an adjective, so it cannot be used in this of-phrase.
- 2. Use active verb Original: are occurred Suggested revision: occur Why it matters: Occur is intransitive and cannot be used in the passive voice.
- 3. Use standard spelling Original: over-consumption Suggested revision: overconsumption Why it matters: Overconsumption is conventionally written as one word.
- 4. Add articles and precision Original: sedentary lifestyle and lack of consciousness Suggested revision: a sedentary lifestyle and a lack of awareness Why it matters: Both singular countable nouns need articles, and awareness expresses the intended meaning.
- 5. Use formal adjective Original: horrible effects Suggested revision: harmful effects Why it matters: Harmful is a more precise formal adjective for negative health effects.
- 6. Improve modifier placement Original: eating some organic vegetables and fruits frequently Suggested revision: frequently eating organic fruit and vegetables Why it matters: Placing the adverb before the activity makes its scope clear and removes an unnecessary determiner.
- 7. Use concise verb Original: doing exercise regularly Suggested revision: exercising regularly Why it matters: The single verb exercising is the more natural form here.
- 8. Avoid unsupported absolute Original: the major cause of overweight Suggested revision: a major cause of excess weight Why it matters: The indefinite article avoids presenting one listed cause as the sole major cause.
- 9. Correct weight expression Original: obtain inappropriate weight, particularly, obesities Suggested revision: become overweight or obese Why it matters: The original verb-noun combination and plural obesities are not idiomatic.
- 10. Name countable nutrients Original: less nutrition Suggested revision: fewer nutrients Why it matters: Nutrients is the countable noun needed for comparison with the food's contents.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: in most of the cases Suggested revision: in most cases Why it matters: The fixed general expression is in most cases without the.
- 12. Use generic plural Original: harmful to our body Suggested revision: harmful to our bodies Why it matters: The plural possessive subject our requires the generic plural bodies here.
Suggested Rewrites
- The overweight of people Excess body weight
- are occurred occur
- over-consumption overconsumption
- sedentary lifestyle and lack of consciousness a sedentary lifestyle and a lack of awareness
- horrible effects harmful effects
- eating some organic vegetables and fruits frequently frequently eating organic fruit and vegetables
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both causes and solutions in a clear sequence, with relevant discussion of diet, inactivity, awareness, exercise, and public facilities. Its strongest ideas are developed through explanation and examples, but some proposed measures are weakly connected to the stated causes and frequent language errors reduce precision. Focus the solution section on directly matched, feasible measures and edit recurring word-form, agreement, and sentence-pattern errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The main causes and measures are both addressed with generally relevant explanation, although organic food and pollution are not convincingly tied to the weight and fitness problems.
Match every proposed measure to an identified cause and explain how it would reduce excess weight or improve fitness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from causes to solutions and uses clear paragraphing, but repetition within the solution section and some loose references reduce cohesion.
Consolidate overlapping advice about exercise and fast food, and use specific nouns instead of vague references such as this circumstance or the preceding issue.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary and some flexibility, but frequent inaccurate collocations, word forms, and countable-noun choices make expression noticeably awkward.
Build accuracy with common health collocations such as gain weight, nutritional value, physical activity, and raise awareness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are used, but errors in agreement, articles, passives, comparatives, and verb complementation occur frequently despite generally clear meaning.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and verb patterns, especially after modals, require, encourage, and parallel constructions.