In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?
Sample Response
Crime is a very old phenomenon and no one knows when it actually started. The sad fact is that crime rate is increasing including killing, stealing, robbing, kidnapping, rape… etc. Actually, there are many reasons for that awful and miserable phenomenon.
Some people always look at other peoples' properties and not pleased with what they have. And that, of course, leads to hatred and then lead to misdeeds. Moreover, some people are psychiatric disordered and which in turn leads to violence. Another thing that we should take care of is the lack of necessary money; many criminals would not have become criminals if they had had enough money and other daily needs for themselves and their families. In a recent study about crimes and their reasons, professor Kathy Mac James said that 85% gangsters joined gangs due to the shortage of social welfare. She protested that this majority of gangsters were either orphan who didn't get enough care during childhood and adolescence or not married. Now it is the time to raise an important
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article or plural Original: crime rate is increasing Suggested revision: the crime rate is increasing Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 2. Parallel nouns Original: killing, stealing, robbing, kidnapping, rape Suggested revision: murder, theft, robbery, kidnapping and rape Why it matters: Use consistent crime nouns in a formal list.
- 3. Informal list ending Original: etc. Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Avoid etc. after a serious formal list; choose the most relevant examples.
- 4. Over-emotional wording Original: awful and miserable phenomenon Suggested revision: serious social problem Why it matters: Academic writing should use precise rather than emotional wording.
- 5. Possessive form Original: other peoples' properties Suggested revision: other people's property Why it matters: People's is the correct possessive, and property is usually uncountable here.
- 6. Missing verb Original: not pleased with what they have Suggested revision: are not pleased with what they have Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb.
- 7. Agreement Original: then lead to misdeeds Suggested revision: then leads to crime Why it matters: The singular idea that refers to hatred takes leads.
- 8. Wrong word form Original: psychiatric disordered Suggested revision: mentally ill Why it matters: Psychiatric disordered is not a natural adjective phrase.
- 9. Direct signpost Original: Another thing that we should take care of Suggested revision: Another important cause Why it matters: The current phrase is wordy and less clear.
- 10. Natural phrasing Original: the lack of necessary money Suggested revision: a lack of money for basic needs Why it matters: This expresses the idea more clearly and accurately.
- 11. Unverified support Original: professor Kathy Mac James Suggested revision: one crime study Why it matters: Invented or overly specific sources can sound unreliable unless clearly known.
- 12. Missing preposition Original: 85% gangsters Suggested revision: 85% of gang members Why it matters: Use of after percentages and a more natural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- crime rate is increasing the crime rate is increasing
- killing, stealing, robbing, kidnapping, rape murder, theft, robbery, kidnapping and rape
- etc. Delete
- awful and miserable phenomenon serious social problem
- other peoples' properties other people's property
- not pleased with what they have are not pleased with what they have
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response is under length and incomplete. It discusses causes but does not answer what governments can do, so a major part of the task is missing.
Add a full second body paragraph on government solutions, such as welfare support, policing, education, rehabilitation, and youth programmes.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is basic paragraphing, but progression stops mid-idea and the response has no conclusion or solution section.
Plan four paragraphs before writing: introduction, causes, government actions, conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary has some range for crime and social issues, but several expressions are inaccurate or too informal.
Use precise terms such as crime rates, property crime, violent crime, poverty, mental illness, social welfare, and prevention.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors in agreement, sentence fragments, and word forms reduce clarity, though some ideas remain understandable.
Write shorter sentences and check each clause for subject-verb agreement and complete structure.