Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.
Sample Response
Over the last few decades, many cities around the world have seen alarming increases in the levels of youth crime. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and provide some possible solutions. The first reason is connected with the family. In order for a child to grow up in a balanced way, it is very important that he or she is nurtured well by his or her parents. However, these days, it is often the case that children are neglected. This may be because of the fact that many parents in cities now both have to work so are often not around to give their children support when needed. Another factor is the increasing levels of poverty around the world. We have seen with globalization the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and this inevitably means that those who are poorer will have to resort to illegal means to get what others have. Of course, this will include the children in the poorer families. However, there are ways to tackle such problems. Firstly, one of the ways to combat the problem is to have stricter punishments. Although, as discussed above, it can be outside factors that lead to crime, it is still important to have severe punishments to deter teenagers from crime. All too often, because they are young, the courts are too lenient. Parents also have to take more responsibility for their children’s actions. They too should be punished if their children commit crime. To sum up, several factors have led to increases in youth crime, but measures are available to tackle this problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce wordiness Original: increases in the levels Suggested revision: increases in Why it matters: The word “levels” is unnecessary because “increases” already conveys a change in amount.
- 2. State the cause clearly Original: connected with the family Suggested revision: related to family circumstances Why it matters: The replacement expresses the causal category more precisely.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: grow up in a balanced way Suggested revision: develop in a balanced way Why it matters: “Develop” is more precise for describing a child’s overall growth.
- 4. Remove wordiness Original: because of the fact that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: The shorter conjunction conveys exactly the same causal relationship.
- 5. Place both correctly Original: many parents in cities now both have to work Suggested revision: both parents in many city families now have to work Why it matters: This placement makes clear that the two parents in a family are working.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: increasing levels of poverty Suggested revision: rising poverty levels Why it matters: The replacement is a more concise and natural collocation.
- 7. Use natural preposition Original: children in the poorer families Suggested revision: children from poorer families Why it matters: “From poorer families” is the idiomatic way to describe family background.
- 8. Tighten the solution Original: one of the ways to combat the problem is to have stricter punishments Suggested revision: one way to combat the problem is to impose stricter punishments Why it matters: This removes repetition and uses the standard collocation “impose punishments.”
- 9. Use a countable form Original: crime Suggested revision: crimes Why it matters: “Crime” needs a plural or an article when referring to individual offences.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Although, as discussed above, it can be outside factors that lead to crime, it is still important to have severe punishments to deter teenagers from crime. Suggested revision: Although outside factors can lead to crime, severe punishments are still important for deterring teenagers from offending. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the faulty cleft structure and clarifies the contrast without changing the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- increases in the levels increases in
- connected with the family related to family circumstances
- grow up in a balanced way develop in a balanced way
- because of the fact that because
- many parents in cities now both have to work both parents in many city families now have to work
- increasing levels of poverty rising poverty levels
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its relevant, easy-to-follow treatment of both causes and solutions, with family neglect and poverty explained clearly. Its main limitation is that the proposed solutions are narrower and less fully developed than the causes, while the single-paragraph presentation weakens structural clarity; the highest-priority improvement is to develop distinct solution paragraphs that explain how each measure would address an identified cause.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant causes and solutions, although the solutions receive less explanation and support.
Explain how each proposed measure would work in practice and connect it directly to one of the identified causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move in a logical sequence and referencing is generally clear, but the lack of paragraph divisions obscures the essay’s structure.
Use separate paragraphs for the causes and solutions, with a focused topic sentence guiding each stage of the argument.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of generally precise topic vocabulary, with only occasional repetition and minor awkwardness.
Vary repeated terms such as crime, problem, and punishment while preserving the directness and accuracy of the argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with good control, and occasional punctuation or article errors rarely affect clarity.
Review complex connectors and article use, particularly around concessive clauses and countable nouns, to improve consistency.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.