Physical appearance may play an important role in many spheres of life: in the person’s success in school, in relationships with people, in the choice of a career path. Say whether you agree or disagree with it, and if you see it as a positive or negative factor.
Sample Response
It is argued that the way a person looks has a crucial role in how successful they are in education, their job and even their personal life. This essay totally disagrees with that notion because most people achieve success through hard work and talent and it will also argue that thinking that outward appearance is a determining success factor is a very negative thing. The most successful people in the modern world got there because of their drive, determination, intellect and raw talent. That is to say that it is what is inside that counts, not how one looks, and these inner traits are much more important than how attractive a person is. Larry Page, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are some of the most successful people, in all aspects of their lives, but none of them reached the top because they were well groomed, know much about fashion or were born with striking good looks. Believing that it is the outside, rather than the inside, that counts is a very dangerous idea because it often leads to a very vacuous and shallow person. That means that if you believe that beauty is the most important thing, you will often have nothing to show inside and also judge other people on their looks, rather than their talents. For example, my son is very handsome, but I discourage people from telling him that because I do not want him to grow up thinking that being good looking is more important than hard work or developing his intellect and morals. In conclusion, how a person looks to others has no bearing on their success, in comparison to their character and to think otherwise is a huge drawback for a person because relying on your looks will only get a person so far in life, but never to the top.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a stronger collocation Original: has Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: ‘Plays a crucial role’ is the natural collocation for describing importance.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: got there Suggested revision: achieved their positions Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 3. Use concise linking Original: That is to say that Suggested revision: In other words, Why it matters: The shorter linker introduces the restatement without unnecessary wording.
- 4. Keep verb forms parallel Original: know Suggested revision: knew Why it matters: The verb must match the past-tense forms ‘were’ and ‘were born’ in the list.
- 5. Correct the expression Original: leads to a very vacuous and shallow person Suggested revision: makes a person vacuous and shallow Why it matters: An idea may make someone shallow, whereas ‘lead to a person’ does not express that meaning clearly.
- 6. Clarify the metaphor Original: have nothing to show inside Suggested revision: have little inner substance Why it matters: This wording conveys the intended lack of character more precisely.
- 7. Correct the preposition Original: on Suggested revision: by Why it matters: The standard expression is to judge someone ‘by’ their appearance.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: developing his intellect and morals Suggested revision: developing his intellect and moral character Why it matters: ‘Moral character’ more naturally describes the personal quality being developed.
- 9. Use concise terminology Original: the way a person looks Suggested revision: a person's appearance Why it matters: The noun phrase states the concept more concisely and formally.
- 10. Qualify the broad claim Original: The most successful people in the modern world Suggested revision: Many highly successful people Why it matters: The revision avoids an absolute claim that the examples cannot establish.
- 11. Replace the cliché Original: it is what is inside that counts Suggested revision: inner qualities are what matter Why it matters: This wording states the same idea more precisely and academically.
- 12. Use concise emphasis Original: much Suggested revision: far Why it matters: ‘Far more important’ expresses the comparison directly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- has plays
- got there achieved their positions
- That is to say that In other words,
- know knew
- leads to a very vacuous and shallow person makes a person vacuous and shallow
- have nothing to show inside have little inner substance
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both parts directly, sustains a firm position, and supports its reasoning with specific, persuasive examples and a notably wide vocabulary. Its main limitation is presentation as one continuous paragraph, which obscures the otherwise clear movement from the first argument to the second and the conclusion. The highest priority is to separate these stages into purposeful paragraphs while retaining the concise development and strong lexical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the disagreement and the negative evaluation are addressed directly through well-developed reasoning and specific supporting examples.
Refine the first example by connecting success across education, careers, and relationships even more explicitly to the task's stated spheres.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear internal sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph substantially weakens structural clarity and readability.
Create separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one body paragraph for each main reason.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas naturally, including effective expressions such as 'drive, determination, intellect' and 'vacuous and shallow'.
Polish the few awkward combinations, such as 'a determining factor in success', while preserving the response's strong lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Check parallel structure and tense consistency in lists, particularly the sequence 'were well groomed, knew much about fashion, or were born'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Physical appearance may play an important role in many spheres of life: in the person’s success in school, in relationships with people, in the choice of a career path. Say whether you agree or disagree with it, and if you see it as a positive or negative factor.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.