In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Sample Response
Freedom plays a pivotal role in everybody’s life. We can see in today’s modernized era that nobody likes to be restricted, whether it is a child or an adult. Some people think that there should have some strict rules of behavior for children, but I disagree with this statement. Wherever it is a reality that sometimes more restrictions can cause more frustration in children, which leads to many other mental problems as well. Morever they can be, behave like a stubborn. Sometimes they feel themselves under pressure, which can be the main reason for their poor performance in their field. In some cases children may insist on doing these things from where we?ll try to keep them away.
In other words _ we have to look for other aspects as well, like if we usually ignore our children’s bad habits, then they can't be good human beings in their future life. Moreover _ if we never draw attention upon the children’s main activities then they might end up in a bad company. They can know regarding the value of respect for their elders. They can know the importance of relationships. They can know regarding their cultural values as well.
In a nutshell, I would like to say that children should be teach the value of their customs, rituals and respect towards their elders for their future life, but most of the additional restriction should be being avoided. It would be better to make them good human beings in their future.
This is a good, well-written essay. Some sentences are too short and could be combined together to create a more complex structure. There is also some repetition of words, which should be avoided. Overall, nicely done.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct existential form Original: have Suggested revision: be Why it matters: The existential construction requires 'be' rather than 'have'.
- 2. Use logical connector Original: Wherever it is a reality that Suggested revision: Although it is true that Why it matters: 'Although' correctly introduces the concession developed in this sentence.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: many other mental problems as well Suggested revision: other mental health problems Why it matters: 'Mental health problems' is the natural and more precise collocation.
- 4. Remove reflexive pronoun Original: feel themselves Suggested revision: feel Why it matters: 'Feel under pressure' does not take a reflexive object.
- 5. Clarify vague wording Original: in their field Suggested revision: in what they do Why it matters: 'Their field' is too vague and unnatural when referring generally to children.
- 6. Show contrast clearly Original: In other words _ Suggested revision: On the other hand, Why it matters: The paragraph introduces a contrasting consideration rather than restating the previous point.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: they can't be good human beings in their future life Suggested revision: they may not become responsible adults Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended future outcome more naturally and concisely.
- 8. Correct connector punctuation Original: Moreover _ Suggested revision: Moreover, Why it matters: A comma should follow this sentence-opening connector, and the underscore is invalid punctuation.
- 9. Correct verb phrase Original: draw attention upon Suggested revision: pay attention to Why it matters: 'Pay attention to' is the standard collocation in this context.
- 10. Remove wrong article Original: a bad company Suggested revision: bad company Why it matters: 'Company' is uncountable in the expression 'fall into bad company'.
- 11. Use natural verb Original: know regarding the value of respect Suggested revision: learn the value of respect Why it matters: 'Learn the value of' expresses acquiring this understanding naturally.
- 12. Improve verb choice Original: know Suggested revision: learn Why it matters: 'Learn' is more natural when describing children developing an understanding.
Suggested Rewrites
- have be
- Wherever it is a reality that Although it is true that
- many other mental problems as well other mental health problems
- feel themselves feel
- in their field in what they do
- In other words _ On the other hand,
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear, balanced position and organises relevant reasons around the effects of excessive and insufficient control. Its main limitation is that ideas are asserted rather than fully explained, while frequent awkward grammar and collocation choices reduce precision; prioritise developing each reason with a specific consequence or example and revising sentence structures for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear qualified position addresses the question with relevant reasons, but support is limited and the final evaluative paragraph is irrelevant to the task.
Develop each main reason with a concrete example and explain how it supports the proposed degree of control.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable progression, although mechanical linking, repetitive short statements, and unclear references weaken cohesion.
Group related points into fully developed paragraphs and use precise referencing instead of repetitive linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss rules and their consequences, but spelling and frequent collocation errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as references to knowing regarding values with accurate, natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and sentence construction sometimes make clauses difficult to follow.
Prioritise accurate verb patterns and sentence boundaries, then proofread each complex sentence for a complete, clear structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.