Most societies are based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they wanted, society could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Societies across the world have established rules and laws to maintain order and ensure the smooth functioning of communities and their members. Without these regulations, it is argued that society would descend into chaos and face numerous challenges. This essay agrees with the notion.
One of the primary reasons why societies must have rules and laws is to establish order and ensure the safety of its members. Laws provide a framework that governs human behaviour and sets clear boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not. For example, traffic laws regulate how people drive on roads, ensuring the safety of both drivers and pedestrians. Without these laws, the roads would be chaotic and accidents would increase, jeopardizing public safety. Therefore, rules and laws play a crucial role in maintaining order and protecting the well-being of individuals.
While individual freedom is important, it must not create social nuisances and harm others. Laws provide a framework that allows individuals to coexist harmoniously and resolve conflicts in a fair and just manner. For instance, property laws protect individuals' rights to own and use their possessions, ensuring a sense of security and preventing conflicts over property. Similarly, laws against theft and violence establish boundaries that safeguard personal safety and maintain social order. By having rules and laws in place, societies promote a sense of accountability and discourage behaviours that could harm others or disrupt the functioning of the community.
In conclusion, rules and laws are essential for the functioning of societies. They establish order, ensure safety, and strike a balance between individual freedom and social responsibility. Without rules and laws, society would face numerous challenges, including increased chaos, conflicts, and threats to public safety.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove vague addition Original: communities and their members Suggested revision: communities Why it matters: The reference to community members is redundant because people are already included in the idea of communities.
- 2. Use precise reference Original: the notion Suggested revision: this view Why it matters: This view refers more directly to the position stated in the prompt.
- 3. Match plural reference Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The plural noun societies requires the plural possessive determiner their.
- 4. Tighten the contrast Original: what is acceptable and what is not Suggested revision: acceptable and unacceptable behaviour Why it matters: The revision expresses the contrast more concisely and precisely.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: how people drive on roads Suggested revision: road use Why it matters: Road use conveys the same idea without the unnecessary phrase about driving on roads.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: create social nuisances and harm others Suggested revision: cause social disruption or harm others Why it matters: Cause social disruption is a more natural collocation and or clarifies the two alternatives.
- 7. Avoid redundant wording Original: fair and just Suggested revision: fair Why it matters: Fair and just have nearly identical meanings here, so one adjective is sufficient.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: increased chaos Suggested revision: greater disorder Why it matters: Greater disorder is a more natural way to describe a worsening lack of order.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Without these regulations, it is argued that society would descend into chaos and face numerous challenges. Suggested revision: Without these regulations, society would descend into chaos and face numerous challenges. Why it matters: Removing the unnecessary passive reporting clause makes the claim more direct.
- 10. Reduce repeated framing Suggested revision: Link the limit on individual freedom directly to conflict resolution and protection instead of reopening with the repeated framework formulation. Why it matters: Repeating the previous paragraph's framework wording weakens progression between the two reasons.
Suggested Rewrites
- communities and their members communities
- the notion this view
- its their
- what is acceptable and what is not acceptable and unacceptable behaviour
- how people drive on roads road use
- create social nuisances and harm others cause social disruption or harm others
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a consistently clear position and supports it with relevant, logically sequenced examples about traffic, property, theft, and violence. Its main limitation is that the argument remains somewhat predictable and repeatedly returns to safety and order rather than exploring the issue in greater depth. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a more nuanced distinction between necessary regulation and excessive restriction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question with a clear position and well-supported reasons concerning order, safety, and social responsibility.
Develop the argument further by considering where legitimate individual freedom should limit the scope of rules and laws.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and generally unobtrusively.
Reduce repetition of the order-and-safety theme by giving each body paragraph a more sharply differentiated argumentative function.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise overall, with effective language such as "clear boundaries," "coexist harmoniously," and "sense of accountability."
Replace slightly awkward choices such as "create social nuisances" with more natural and context-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede communication.
Refine occasional agreement and reference choices, such as matching "societies" with "their members," to maintain complete precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most societies are based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they wanted, society could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.