In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is true that a proper education is still out of reach for the children born in rural parts of developing countries. While some people suggest building more schools and sending more teachers to these areas, others would propose the provision of computers and Internet access. In my personal view, the latter seems more feasible.
On the one hand, schools and teachers are still fundamental to the objective of making education accessible to countryside students. Firstly, schools serve a number of purposes other than providing places for classes. More importantly, schools also function as meeting places for students to learn the importance of collaborating and socialising with other people, provide an ideal learning environment for further study and maintain the discipline of students through regular attendance. Secondly, owing to poor access to a systematic and constant education in the first place, students in remote areas are unlikely to study by themselves effectively. In other words, teachers are required in the learning process because they can acknowledge these students’ deficiencies and help them to solve their problems by repeating the same explanation, giving suitable exercises or even tutoring them privately.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove broad article Original: the children born Suggested revision: children born Why it matters: The zero article is more natural when referring generally to children in this group.
- 2. Use direct present Original: would propose Suggested revision: propose Why it matters: The simple present matches the parallel verb ‘suggest’ and states the view directly.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: In my personal view Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: ‘Personal’ is redundant because ‘my view’ already identifies the opinion as personal.
- 4. Use natural phrase Original: countryside students Suggested revision: students in rural areas Why it matters: ‘Students in rural areas’ is the conventional expression in this context.
- 5. Tighten expression Original: other than providing places for classes Suggested revision: beyond providing classrooms Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same contrast more directly and naturally.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: a systematic and constant education Suggested revision: systematic, continuous education Why it matters: ‘Continuous education’ is a more natural collocation for uninterrupted access to learning.
- 7. Remove redundant phrase Original: in the first place Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The phrase adds no necessary meaning to the explanation of prior poor access.
- 8. Improve word order Original: study by themselves effectively Suggested revision: study effectively on their own Why it matters: The revised adverb placement and idiom sound more natural.
- 9. Correct verb choice Original: acknowledge these students’ deficiencies Suggested revision: identify these students’ difficulties Why it matters: Teachers can identify learning difficulties, whereas ‘acknowledge deficiencies’ is inaccurate in this context.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: More importantly, schools also function as meeting places for students to learn the importance of collaborating and socialising with other people, provide an ideal learning environment for further study and maintain the discipline of students through regular attendance. Suggested revision: More importantly, schools function as meeting places where students learn to collaborate and socialise with others, provide an ideal environment for further study, and help students maintain discipline through regular attendance. Why it matters: The rewrite improves parallel structure and makes each school function easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- the children born children born
- would propose propose
- In my personal view In my view
- countryside students students in rural areas
- other than providing places for classes beyond providing classrooms
- a systematic and constant education systematic, continuous education
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is clearly written and develops the case for schools and teachers with strong logical and linguistic control. Its decisive limitation is incompleteness: it omits discussion of computers and Internet access and does not develop the stated preference, while also falling well below the required length. The priority is to complete the second view, justify the opinion, and add a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops the schools-and-teachers view well and states an opinion, but it omits the opposing view and provides no support for its preference.
Add a fully developed paragraph on computers and Internet access, compare the two approaches, justify the preferred option, and conclude the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Within the completed paragraphs, ideas progress logically and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly, although the response ends before the argument is structurally complete.
Sustain this clear organisation across the whole essay by giving each view a focused paragraph and closing with a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, academic, and generally precise, with only occasional awkward choices such as countryside students and constant education.
Replace the few less natural combinations with more idiomatic alternatives while preserving the response's strong topic-specific range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex sentence structures with strong accuracy and only rare minor lapses.
Maintain this level of grammatical control while completing the missing sections and vary sentence openings to enhance flexibility further.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.