Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?
Sample Response
The comparison of standards of the cities and small town or villages has been always a debate. Recently, teenagers choose to live in the cities rather than their home villages because of school or job opportunities. This essay will discuss multiple reasons behind this trend and explain why the advantages of being in a city do indeed outweigh its drawbacks.
There are several reasons to desire living in urban areas. Firstly, it gives people an opportunity to study in better schools which cannot be found in rural areas. Since in the modern world education means very much for people’s future, it is crucial to have higher education degrees for those individuals to find well-paid jobs. In addition to that, city life provides people with completely different experiences than their home villages. Thanks to the schools, work or social gathering places, they get to meet a greater number of people from all around the country compared to their rural towns which is crucial for one’s personal development. Lastly, in the cities, not only they get bigger number of job options, but also they can earn larger amount of money. It is very well know that job market is significantly limited in the villages also the current jobs barely pay enough.
It is clearly seen that benefits of leaving villages outweigh its few number of deficits. It is worth to mention that people face some issues, such as being away from their extended family, more competitive and challenging job market, and substantially more expensive living cost, when they move to the cities. Advantages like learning and exploring new experiences, getting a better education leading to a better paid job and having an interesting career, however, surpass the number of the drawbacks of this development.
To conclude, there are various reasons for young generation to leave their homes to live in the cities and this movement’s benefits easily outweigh its disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the recent trend Original: teenagers choose Suggested revision: young people are choosing Why it matters: The present continuous better describes the current trend introduced by 'Recently'.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: rather than their home villages Suggested revision: rather than in their rural hometowns Why it matters: The preposition is needed to compare two places where people live.
- 3. Fix the verb pattern Original: reasons to desire living Suggested revision: reasons for wanting to live Why it matters: 'Reasons for' is followed naturally by a gerund phrase.
- 4. Clarify the subject Original: it gives people Suggested revision: living in a city gives people Why it matters: The explicit subject removes the unclear reference of 'it'.
- 5. Tighten the relative clause Original: better schools which cannot be found Suggested revision: better schools that are unavailable Why it matters: The restrictive clause is expressed more directly with 'that'.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: education means very much for people’s future Suggested revision: education is very important for people's futures Why it matters: 'Means very much for' is not a natural way to express importance in this context.
- 7. Use a broader term Original: degrees Suggested revision: qualifications Why it matters: 'Qualifications' naturally covers the educational credentials needed for employment.
- 8. Express purpose clearly Original: for those individuals to find Suggested revision: to help those individuals find Why it matters: The infinitive needs a clear purpose relationship with obtaining qualifications.
- 9. Make a valid comparison Original: different experiences than their home villages Suggested revision: different experiences from those available in their home villages Why it matters: Experiences must be compared with other experiences rather than with villages.
- 10. Use the participle Original: know Suggested revision: known Why it matters: The passive expression requires the past participle 'known'.
- 11. Add the article Original: that job market Suggested revision: that the job market Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'job market' requires the definite article.
- 12. Join the clauses Original: in the villages also Suggested revision: in villages, and Why it matters: A conjunction and comma are needed to connect the two independent clauses.
Suggested Rewrites
- teenagers choose young people are choosing
- rather than their home villages rather than in their rural hometowns
- reasons to desire living reasons for wanting to live
- it gives people living in a city gives people
- better schools which cannot be found better schools that are unavailable
- education means very much for people’s future education is very important for people's futures
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly answers both questions and gives several relevant reasons for rural-to-urban migration, with a consistent position that the benefits are greater. Its main limitation is that the comparison is asserted more than demonstrated and frequent awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to develop the trade-off explicitly while proofreading article, agreement, and sentence-structure errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the reasons for migration and gives a clear, consistent judgement that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Compare specific benefits and drawbacks directly to demonstrate why the former are more significant instead of mainly listing each side.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and easy to follow, though the long reasons paragraph contains several ideas with limited internal separation.
Group closely related reasons and give each one a clearer explanatory sequence before moving to the next.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as few number of deficits, education means very much, and expensive living cost with standard collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but agreement, article, inversion, and sentence-boundary errors recur throughout.
Prioritise accurate clause structure, especially not only inversion, article use, and joining independent clauses without comma splices.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.