Having a salaried job is better than being self-employed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
If one wants to work for money, there are really only two options, working for someone else for a salary and being self-employed. Most people are involved with these two options and they both have advantages and disadvantages.
Being self-employed means that the worker owns the business that is being done. This might be a small one-person business or a large company with hundreds of employees. The first advantage of this is the capacity to earn more money. If the business does very well, the income can be considerable and the owner of the company will receive the benefits. On the other hand, if business is not good, the owner’s income will be low. Self-employed people also have the benefit to some extent of choosing their working hours and holidays and they have the right to change anything within their business. With this autonomy, however, comes the pressure to succeed and the reliance on one’s employees, if there are any, to do their best to make the business thrive.
Salaried workers do not experience the same stress as the self-employed owners of companies. They might have stress in their duties, but the pressure that comes with keeping one’s own business operating successfully in order to support oneself and one’s family is just not felt by an employee. The employee also has a certain knowledge of his or her income, as the salary is usually fixed every month. The self-employed owner’s income often depends on how successful the business is. The employee’s fixed income, however, does not give much scope for earning large amounts more. In addition, an employee does not have the freedoms of the owner or the autonomy, and for many people, having control over their lives is a significant factor to their well-being.
It is certain that there are advantages and disadvantages for both being self-employed and salaried. I personally disagree that being salaried is better than being self-employed. I prefer the autonomy that being self-employed brings and, although there is more risk and pressure, this can lead to greater and more fulfilling rewards.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: involved with these two options Suggested revision: choose between these two options Why it matters: People choose between employment options rather than being involved with them.
- 2. Clarify business ownership Original: the business that is being done Suggested revision: the business they operate Why it matters: The revision expresses the relationship between an owner and a business more naturally.
- 3. Avoid false sequencing Original: The first advantage of this Suggested revision: One advantage of this Why it matters: No explicitly numbered second advantage follows, so this wording creates a cleaner progression.
- 4. Choose precise collocation Original: receive the benefits Suggested revision: reap the rewards Why it matters: This collocation conveys benefiting directly from business success more precisely.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: if business is not good Suggested revision: if business is slow Why it matters: The revision describes weak commercial activity more idiomatically.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: have the benefit to some extent of choosing Suggested revision: have some freedom to choose Why it matters: This removes an awkward qualification while preserving the limited degree of choice.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: have stress in their duties Suggested revision: experience stress in their roles Why it matters: English normally uses experience stress, and roles is more natural in this context.
- 8. Express income certainty Original: a certain knowledge of his or her income Suggested revision: certainty about their income Why it matters: The revision states the intended predictability directly and concisely.
- 9. Fix comparative form Original: earning large amounts more Suggested revision: earning substantially more Why it matters: The original word order is ungrammatical for expressing a much higher amount.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: the freedoms of the owner or the autonomy Suggested revision: the owner's freedom or autonomy Why it matters: This avoids the awkward plural and unnecessary repetition of the same idea.
- 11. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Factor conventionally takes in when describing its role in an outcome.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: If one wants to work for money, there are really only two options, working for someone else for a salary and being self-employed. Suggested revision: For those who work for an income, the two main options are salaried employment and self-employment. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the faulty comma before the list and creates a more direct parallel structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- involved with these two options choose between these two options
- the business that is being done the business they operate
- The first advantage of this One advantage of this
- receive the benefits reap the rewards
- if business is not good if business is slow
- have the benefit to some extent of choosing have some freedom to choose
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a balanced, logically developed comparison and closes with a clear, well-supported preference for self-employment. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, which slightly weakens an otherwise mature and controlled discussion. The highest-priority improvement is to state the position earlier and refine several collocations so the argument sounds consistently natural and exact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both employment arrangements in depth and reaches a clear, relevant position supported by developed comparisons.
Signal the disagreement explicitly in the introduction so the position is unmistakable throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with effective comparison and clear links between advantages and drawbacks.
Reduce repeated references to owners, employees, income, and autonomy by using slightly tighter transitions and referencing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise, though several collocations sound awkward or less natural than intended.
Refine phrases such as earning large amounts more and a factor to well-being into more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few lapses do not impede meaning.
Polish occasional parallelism and article or preposition choices to make complex sentences consistently accurate.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Having a salaried job is better than being self-employed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.