Salary is the major factor considered while choosing the job. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today we live in a world that values talented people and there are wide job opportunities. Nowadays, choosing a career is not limited only to the monetary returns but also various factors like workplace suitability, work and life balance, etc. are considered to be vital. However, I believe, salary still remains to be the most important consideration while choosing a job.
In the beginning phase of a career, the salary of the persons remains the main source of income to meet the financial needs of the family. For example, any fresher engineer will look for the better salary package to support his family and meet the basic living requirements. A good income initially will also help the person for his further career growth, as the previous salary is always considered as a base for the nest hike.
Further, in the social context, a person with good earning is considered to be prestigious and, likely to get more marriage proposals and respect. He also sets an example of having a successful career and prospective graduates look up to him as a benchmark. While, in personal life, he can offer his family a luxurious life along with the best education and help fulfil their dreams.
On the other hand, many people believe that the workplace suitability in terms of location, transportation and workplace environment are also quite important. For example, if a person takes up a job situated 20 kilometres away with no convenient transport, will have ill effects on his health and family life. Job satisfaction and friendly work environment are equally important, for example, if an artist is wrongly assigned a marketing job he will not be motivated and satisfied which will affect his performance. Although other measures are also valuable while choosing a career option, salary still maintains the most valued deciding factor.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural quantifier Original: wide job opportunities Suggested revision: a wide range of job opportunities Why it matters: This phrase more naturally expresses the availability of many different jobs.
- 2. Remove misplaced comma Original: I believe, Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: A comma should not separate the reporting verb from the clause that follows.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: still remains to be Suggested revision: remains Why it matters: The original phrase is redundant and uses an awkward complement after "remains".
- 4. Natural time phrase Original: In the beginning phase Suggested revision: At the beginning Why it matters: This is the more idiomatic way to refer to the early stage of a career.
- 5. Use singular possessive Original: salary of the persons Suggested revision: person's salary Why it matters: The generic singular noun needs a singular possessive form here.
- 6. Use standard wording Original: any fresher engineer Suggested revision: a newly qualified engineer Why it matters: "Fresher engineer" is not standard wording for an engineer at the start of a career.
- 7. Correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: A nonspecific comparative noun phrase requires the indefinite article.
- 8. Fix verb pattern Original: help the person for his further career growth Suggested revision: help the person advance their career Why it matters: "Help someone for growth" is not an idiomatic verb pattern.
- 9. Clarify possession Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner clearly links the salary to the person being discussed.
- 10. Correct spelling Original: nest Suggested revision: next Why it matters: "Nest" is a spelling error in the phrase referring to the following pay increase.
- 11. Use formal term Original: hike Suggested revision: pay rise Why it matters: "Pay rise" is more precise and suitably formal in this context.
- 12. Fix noun choice Original: good earning Suggested revision: a good income Why it matters: "Earning" is not normally used as a singular count noun with this meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- wide job opportunities a wide range of job opportunities
- I believe, I believe
- still remains to be remains
- In the beginning phase At the beginning
- salary of the persons person's salary
- any fresher engineer a newly qualified engineer
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with several relevant financial, social, and practical considerations, giving the discussion a logical overall direction. Its main limitation is that some claims remain simplistic and the language contains recurring awkward collocations and sentence-structure errors. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the strongest reasons more critically while revising articles, clause structure, and word combinations for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with several relevant reasons and examples, although some claims are insufficiently examined.
Develop fewer supporting reasons more critically by explaining their relevance and acknowledging limitations in the social-status argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through distinct aspects of the argument, but some transitions and sentence links are mechanical or awkward.
Use clearer topic sentences and integrate contrasting points smoothly instead of relying on abrupt markers such as isolated uses of while.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied vocabulary for employment and personal priorities, though inaccurate collocations recur.
Replace awkward combinations such as good earning and most valued deciding factor with precise, natural employment-related phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, but article, preposition, punctuation, and clause-construction errors are frequent.
Prioritize complete clause structures and accurate articles, especially in conditional examples and sentences beginning with contrast markers.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Salary is the major factor considered while choosing the job. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.