Some people claim that there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for a shorter period of time in the workplace and not using electricity / gas once a week. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Would it be an effective measure to save energy? Give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's modern world, non-renewable energy is still an essential part of life. Across the globe, electricity and gas are used by almost every house to big industries. Although I believe that energy wastage should be minimised, I refute that we should simply cut down the use of energy for the essential purposes based on a timetable. The base for my views would be personal and professional. From a professional perspective, electricity and gas are an invaluable resource to run a simple gadget like computers to more complex machines like cranes. For instance, if we plan to switch off electricity at our work area once in a week, definitely a majority of the people will be idle, as most of the companies run based on computers. Moreover, if we try to save the energy when it is really needed, precious time of the employees working on electronic devices will be wasted. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that energy is available during the work hours. We should research and invest in producing better energy source rather than cutting the power for a day in a week. The world has become very competitive and imposing a restriction on the working hours in office would simply reduce the productivity of a country. From a personal point of view, energy is mandatory to charge personal gadgets like mobile phones to stay connected with the world. For example, if there is no power and the battery charge of the mobile phone is almost finishing, then the mobile will be turned off. In addition to that, a switched off smartphone not only cuts off phone calls but also disconnects from social media as there is no internet connectivity. Thus, it is obvious that electricity should not be cut off or reduced based on a time table. In most of the major cities gas is used for cooking, hence not using it for a day would mean that we would need to buy foods from restaurants or fast food shops which are not only expensive but also harmful for health. In conclusion, by analysing how much essential is energy and gas in our day to day life, it is very much important that energy is available when required. As nonrenewable energy is precious, steps need to taken, so that they are not wasted. But not using it is not the proper way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: today's modern world Suggested revision: modern world Why it matters: Modern already conveys the present-time meaning of today's.
- 2. Correct the verb pattern Original: I refute that Suggested revision: I reject the idea that Why it matters: Refute does not naturally introduce a that-clause in this construction.
- 3. Remove the article Original: for the essential purposes Suggested revision: for essential purposes Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not require the definite article.
- 4. Use the correct noun Original: The base for my views Suggested revision: The basis for my view Why it matters: Basis is the appropriate noun for the reasoning underlying a position.
- 5. Match the plural subject Original: an invaluable resource Suggested revision: invaluable resources Why it matters: Electricity and gas form a plural subject and require a plural complement.
- 6. Correct the comparison Original: a simple gadget like computers to more complex machines like cranes Suggested revision: simple devices such as computers and complex machines such as cranes Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the number mismatch and creates a grammatical range between the two examples.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: our work area Suggested revision: the workplace Why it matters: The workplace is the natural general term for the work setting discussed.
- 8. Correct the frequency phrase Original: once in a week Suggested revision: once a week Why it matters: English frequency expressions omit in before a week.
- 9. Improve the collocation Original: companies run based on computers Suggested revision: companies rely on computers Why it matters: Rely on computers expresses the intended dependence naturally.
- 10. Remove the article Original: save the energy Suggested revision: save energy Why it matters: Energy is used as a general uncountable noun here and takes no article.
- 11. Use the standard phrase Original: during the work hours Suggested revision: during working hours Why it matters: Working hours is the conventional expression and does not require the article.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: source Suggested revision: sources Why it matters: The general proposal concerns potential sources rather than one specified source.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's modern world modern world
- I refute that I reject the idea that
- for the essential purposes for essential purposes
- The base for my views The basis for my view
- an invaluable resource invaluable resources
- a simple gadget like computers to more complex machines like cranes simple devices such as computers and complex machines such as cranes
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with relevant professional and personal consequences of scheduled energy restrictions. However, the argument becomes repetitive, some examples are not fully persuasive, and the absence of paragraph breaks weakens the visible organisation; frequent awkward phrasing also limits accuracy. Organise the professional, personal, and alternative-solution ideas into separate paragraphs and explain a more practical conservation measure in depth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the effectiveness question with a clear disagreement and develops relevant reasons from workplace and personal perspectives.
Develop the proposed alternative of cleaner or more efficient energy use instead of relying mainly on repeated consequences of power cuts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable professional-to-personal progression, but presenting nearly the entire essay as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, workplace argument, personal argument, and conclusion into focused paragraphs with clear internal topic development.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some less-common language, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness.
Check common combinations such as rely on computers, battery is running out, harmful to health, and sources of energy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms and remains understandable, although errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and omitted words occur regularly.
Proofread systematically for missing auxiliaries and articles, subject-verb agreement, and sentence boundaries in longer constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for a shorter period of time in the workplace and not using electricity / gas once a week. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Would it be an effective measure to save energy? Give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.