So many young people are dropping out of school these days, and as a result, the rate of unemployment is increasing. It also affects our society in different ways. Why are so many young people dropping out of school? How can this situation be improved?
Sample Response
Education can change the fate of a nation, and educated citizens are the most important resources that a country can have. When a country has a large number of school dropouts, it struggles to develop, and it affects society negatively. The state must take the necessary initiatives to improve the situation by encouraging young students to finish their education while also establishing enough night schools for working-class young people who want to continue their education.
To begin with, many young students find it hard to continue their education because of their financial conditions. Such students try to get a job to support their family than attend school and finish their education. To help them continue their education, the government must adopt a policy to support them and their families financially. Incentives should be given both to needy families and to meritorious poor students. School authorities, along with support from the government, can improve the situation.
Besides, many learners drop out due to their lack of interest in school. They find it boring and less interesting to study in a school. For them, education has to be interactive and fun so that they enjoy going to school. A friendly school environment, sports and entertainment facilities, delicious and healthy meals, and support from teachers can be crucial factors to attract students to their school activities. Surveys reveal that when learners show interest in continuing their schools, parents try their best to support the costs.
The government should build many night schools so that young students who have not finished their education get a second chance to continue their education. Those schools are vital to give school dropouts a second chance to improve their qualification.
In conclusion, when young students leave schools prematurely, it not only affects their future but also the whole of society. To reverse this unfortunate situation, the government and school authorities are expected to work together. Only then we can expect the true progress of our nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: conditions Suggested revision: circumstances Why it matters: ‘Financial circumstances’ is the more natural phrase for a family’s economic situation.
- 2. Fix comparison structure Original: support their family than attend school Suggested revision: support their families rather than attend school Why it matters: The contrast requires ‘rather than’, and the general reference is better expressed with ‘families’.
- 3. Avoid redundant wording Original: boring and less interesting Suggested revision: boring and unengaging Why it matters: ‘Boring’ and ‘less interesting’ repeat nearly the same meaning.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: factors to attract students to their school activities Suggested revision: factors in involving students in school activities Why it matters: ‘Involve students in activities’ expresses participation more accurately than ‘attract students to activities’.
- 5. Correct noun phrase Original: schools Suggested revision: education Why it matters: Learners continue their education, not their schools.
- 6. Use natural verb Original: support Suggested revision: cover Why it matters: ‘Cover the costs’ is the standard collocation for paying expenses.
- 7. Express expansion clearly Original: build many night schools Suggested revision: establish more night schools Why it matters: ‘Establish more’ more precisely conveys increasing the available provision.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: qualification Suggested revision: qualifications Why it matters: The general reference to credentials requires the plural noun ‘qualifications’.
- 9. Use uncountable institution Original: schools Suggested revision: school Why it matters: When referring generally to education, ‘school’ is used without the plural.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: the whole of society Suggested revision: society as a whole Why it matters: ‘Society as a whole’ is the more natural formal expression.
- 11. Invert after only then Original: Only then we can expect Suggested revision: Only then can we expect Why it matters: A clause beginning with ‘Only then’ requires subject–auxiliary inversion.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: important Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: ‘Valuable resources’ more precisely conveys the contribution of educated citizens.
Suggested Rewrites
- conditions circumstances
- support their family than attend school support their families rather than attend school
- boring and less interesting boring and unengaging
- factors to attract students to their school activities factors in involving students in school activities
- schools education
- support cover
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its comprehensive treatment of the task: it explains financial pressure and disengagement, then offers practical, closely related remedies. Its progression is clear and its language is generally flexible, although several claims are repetitive or generalized and a few awkward grammatical constructions remain. The best improvement would be to replace repetition with more precise explanation and evidence while polishing comparative and inversion structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes are directly explained and matched with relevant financial, educational, and second-chance solutions, producing a well-developed response.
Strengthen the argument further by replacing the generalized survey claim with a specific, credible explanation of how the proposed measures would reduce dropout rates.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from the problem to distinct causes and solutions, with effective paragraphing and generally controlled cohesion.
Reduce repetition around second chances and education by combining overlapping points and making each paragraph's final sentence advance the argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad and appropriate vocabulary supports precise discussion, though a few collocations such as financial conditions and continuing their schools sound unnatural.
Refine collocations by using forms such as financial circumstances, remain in education, support their families, and improve their qualifications.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and mostly accurate, with only occasional errors in comparison, number, and inversion.
Polish isolated structures such as rather than attend, continue their education, and only then can we expect to achieve consistently accurate complex grammar.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
So many young people are dropping out of school these days, and as a result, the rate of unemployment is increasing. It also affects our society in different ways. Why are so many young people dropping out of school? How can this situation be improved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.