Some people say that schools do not make enough efforts to teach young people to look after their health and they add that schools should take health education more seriously. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is rightly said that health is wealth. few of people tell that schools are not making sufficient efforts to teach the students to take care of their health. In addition, they claim that education for health should be taken under serious consideration. I moderately agree with this as there are two sides to this phenomenon which is explained in this essay.
Admittedly, schools and other educational institutions have a defined syllabus to complete in a year which itself is a tedious job. Furthermore, it is hard to deal with toddlers as they do not generally follow the instructions of their teachers. Society, on one hand, expects students to study; on the other hand, they do not want to see students living a sedentary life. Therefore, schools also have introduced a period of time in which students are allowed to play. Though in the UK, many schools complain that these kids do not like to play in the mud, they rather like to seat in the computer room to explore social media. Thus, in my view, schools have to look after many things and parents are also equally responsible to give such knowledge to their infants.
If I see from the other perspective, pre-primary schools play a vital role in the upbringing of children. Most of the time, parents do not get spare time due to their busy work schedules and they expect schools to give insights about health. They rightly believe that the education ministry must introduce toddlers to traditional games in order to keep their body fit and fine. Additionally, schools can also arrange sports days in which students can participate and get rewards. Parents should also encourage to take part in such sports competitions. In this way, schools and parents can contribute in highlighting the young talents of their town not only to the nation but also to the international level. In recent years, when children are inclined towards fast food, it is not enough to just teach names of various vegetables. Instead, parents and teachers should teach them the advantages of healthy eating which would be ultimately beneficial for the entire community.
To conclude, I believe that giving education about health is the responsibility of parents as well as schools. Hence, they should work together to make a bright and healthy living for their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix quantifier and verb Original: few of people tell Suggested revision: Some people say Why it matters: 'Few of people' is ungrammatical, and 'say' is the natural reporting verb here.
- 2. Remove the article Original: teach the students Suggested revision: teach students Why it matters: The zero article is appropriate when referring to students in general.
- 3. Use the standard term Original: education for health Suggested revision: health education Why it matters: 'Health education' is the established term for education about health.
- 4. Correct the expression Original: taken under serious consideration Suggested revision: taken seriously Why it matters: 'Taken seriously' is the natural expression for giving an issue proper attention.
- 5. Choose natural wording Original: defined Suggested revision: set Why it matters: 'A set syllabus' more naturally describes a curriculum that has already been established.
- 6. Add the relative comma Original: complete in a year which itself Suggested revision: complete in a year, which itself Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-defining relative clause commenting on the whole task.
- 7. Use a precise verb Original: deal with toddlers Suggested revision: teach toddlers Why it matters: 'Teach' describes the educational responsibility more precisely than 'deal with.'
- 8. Complete the expression Original: on one hand Suggested revision: on the one hand Why it matters: The fixed paired expression begins with 'on the one hand.'
- 9. Match the singular subject Original: they do not want Suggested revision: it does not want Why it matters: The pronoun and verb must agree with the singular collective noun 'Society.'
- 10. Place the adverb correctly Original: schools also have introduced Suggested revision: schools have also introduced Why it matters: The adverb 'also' normally follows the auxiliary verb in the present perfect.
- 11. Remove unnecessary wording Original: a period of time Suggested revision: a period Why it matters: 'A period' already denotes a span of time, so the extra words are redundant.
- 12. Fix the verb pattern Original: responsible to give such knowledge Suggested revision: responsible for providing such knowledge Why it matters: The adjective 'responsible' takes 'for' followed by a gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- few of people tell Some people say
- teach the students teach students
- education for health health education
- taken under serious consideration taken seriously
- defined set
- complete in a year which itself complete in a year, which itself
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a recognisable position and offers a reasonably balanced discussion of schools' constraints and their role alongside parents, supported by several relevant examples. Its main limitation is uneven focus, as parts of the argument drift toward talent promotion rather than health education, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision; the priority is to keep every example tied to the question and edit sentence structures and collocations more carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and maintains a qualified view, but some development becomes tangential or only partly relevant.
Keep examples centred on how seriously schools should treat health education and explain how each example supports the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, though some transitions are mechanical and several internal links between ideas are loose.
Build each body paragraph around one controlling claim and connect every supporting sentence directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary and some less common items, but imprecise word choices and collocations recur.
Use more natural combinations for ideas such as providing health knowledge, encouraging participation, and creating a healthy life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and sentence construction reduce control.
Proofread for complete clause structures and correct patterns after verbs, especially in sentences using 'encourage,' 'contribute,' and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that schools do not make enough efforts to teach young people to look after their health and they add that schools should take health education more seriously. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.