Many educational institutions give greater importance to subjects related to science and ignore subjects such as drama and literature. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is becoming increasingly common for schools around the world to emphasise STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) to the detriment of the humanities. This is a logically motivated decision and is negative overall.
The main reason for this shift is a realisation of the value of jobs in scientific fields. New inventions and medicines push forward human progress and generate billions of dollars in revenue across a wide spectrum of industries. It therefore follows there are high-paying jobs available in private and public sectors for engineers, researchers, scientists, and mathematicians. At the very least, someone who majors in a STEM related subject will be able to find a quality teaching position. This guarantees of a minimum level of success and the possibility of a much greater career motivates parents, institutions and students themselves to prioritise and pursue scientific careers.
This over-emphasis on science will translate to less art in the world. It is true that from a strictly utilitarian point of view, resources ought to be allocated to fields with the most economic value. Life is, however, more than the sum of everyone’s earning potential. If the proportion of humanities majors falls, there will be fewer painters, sculptors, filmmakers, writers, and musicians. Science may create modern conveniences but the arts are more important for a fulfilling and enjoyable life. The results of this decline might not become apparent for generations, but if funding is slashed for arts programs, the world will become culturally poorer and the art that has enriched and elevated humanity will give way to a tranquil, technocratic future.
In conclusion, the jobs available to science majors explain their dominance but taken as a whole this trend will result in a world bereft of great artists. It is therefore important to balance funding to a defensible degree.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Specify the motivation Original: logically Suggested revision: economically Why it matters: The stated motivation concerns employment and revenue, so “economically” is more precise.
- 2. Add the conjunction Original: It therefore follows there are Suggested revision: It therefore follows that there are Why it matters: A “that” clause is required after “it follows” in this construction.
- 3. Add the article Original: in private and public sectors Suggested revision: in the private and public sectors Why it matters: The definite article is natural when referring to these two established sectors collectively.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: quality Suggested revision: good Why it matters: “Quality” is not the most natural attributive adjective for a job in this context.
- 5. Use precise causation Original: translate to less art Suggested revision: result in less art Why it matters: “Result in” expresses the proposed consequence more directly and naturally.
- 6. Punctuate contrasting clauses Original: conveniences but Suggested revision: conveniences, but Why it matters: A comma is needed before “but” when it joins two independent clauses.
- 7. Match the negative meaning Original: tranquil Suggested revision: sterile Why it matters: “Tranquil” has a generally positive sense that conflicts with the paragraph’s warning.
- 8. Mark the contrast Original: dominance but taken as a whole Suggested revision: dominance, but taken as a whole, Why it matters: Commas are needed before the coordinating conjunction and around the inserted phrase.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: defensible Suggested revision: reasonable Why it matters: “Reasonable degree” is the natural expression for an appropriate extent of balance.
- 10. Clarify the value Original: realisation of the value of jobs Suggested revision: realisation of the value of scientific careers Why it matters: This wording identifies the career field directly and avoids the awkward phrase “value of jobs.”
- 11. Use a concise verb Original: push forward human progress Suggested revision: advance human progress Why it matters: “Advance” expresses the same idea more concisely and naturally.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: spectrum Suggested revision: range Why it matters: “A wide range of industries” is the more natural collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- logically economically
- It therefore follows there are It therefore follows that there are
- in private and public sectors in the private and public sectors
- quality good
- translate to less art result in less art
- conveniences but conveniences, but
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions, sustains a clear negative evaluation, and develops its reasoning through a strong contrast between economic utility and cultural value. Organisation and language are consistently controlled, with only a small number of local grammatical or phrasing slips. The highest-priority refinement is to make individual claims slightly more measured and eliminate the few remaining sentence-level errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed explanations of economic motivation and cultural loss.
Qualify broad predictions about the decline of art with a more concrete or balanced supporting example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a concise introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion that follows naturally from the argument.
Maintain this progression while making the final recommendation more explicitly connected to the preceding discussion of funding.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with effective topic-specific choices and only occasional slightly strained phrasing.
Replace less natural expressions such as a defensible degree with more direct wording that preserves precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with only rare local errors that do not impede communication.
Proofread for isolated construction errors, particularly the malformed phrase This guarantees of a minimum level of success.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many educational institutions give greater importance to subjects related to science and ignore subjects such as drama and literature. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.