Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists in many countries. To what extent do you think that it is true? What could be the possible reasons for that?
Sample Response
In modern times, it is evident that societies value scientists, inventors and technology experts more than professionals like musicians and artists. This essay will discuss that it is true in most cases in many countries. It will also explore the potential reasons behind this phenomenon.
Scientists, inventors, engineers, and technology experts are highly esteemed in many societies. They are often more successful in their careers and earn a large sum of money and huge fame for their contributions. These individuals are instrumental in developing cutting-edge technologies that have transformed various aspects of daily life and, hence are more celebrated for their work. For example, Silicon Valley in the United States is celebrated worldwide as a hub for technological innovation. Companies like Apple, Google, and Tesla, founded and led by visionary individuals with backgrounds in engineering and technology, have revolutionized the way we communicate, access information, and even travel, making those inventors and tech experts global icons and household names.
One possible reason for this phenomenon is that their contributions have led to remarkable advancements in various fields, from medicine to information technology. These innovations have tangible, practical benefits for society, such as improving healthcare, communication, and transportation. As a result, the work of scientists and technologists is often seen as directly impacting people's daily lives, leading to their elevated status in society.
Moreover, economic factors may have also contributed to this trend since industries related to science and technology often generate substantial revenue and employment opportunities. This economic success reinforces the societal value placed on scientists, engineers, and technology experts as agents of growth and innovation. Consequently, many individuals aspire to pursue careers in these fields, further amplifying their prominence in contemporary society.
In conclusion, it is true that scientists and technology experts are generally more valued than musicians and artists in many countries. This discrepancy may arise from the perceived practicality of their contributions and economic factors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal example marker Original: professionals like Suggested revision: professionals such as Why it matters: Such as introduces examples more formally and precisely.
- 2. Use reporting verb pattern Original: discuss that it is true Suggested revision: argue that this is true Why it matters: Discuss does not take a that-clause in this construction.
- 3. Remove repeated scope Original: in most cases in many countries Suggested revision: in many countries Why it matters: The two limiting phrases unnecessarily repeat the same scope.
- 4. Use natural paired nouns Original: a large sum of money and huge fame Suggested revision: high incomes and considerable fame Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations for financial and public success.
- 5. Fix connector placement Original: daily life and, hence are Suggested revision: daily life and are therefore Why it matters: The original comma incorrectly separates the conjunction from the result marker.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: making those inventors Suggested revision: making these innovators Why it matters: These innovators refers clearly to the people just described.
- 7. Use natural impact phrase Original: seen as directly impacting Suggested revision: seen as having a direct impact on Why it matters: The revised construction is more natural in formal English.
- 8. Place adverb naturally Original: may have also contributed Suggested revision: may also have contributed Why it matters: Also normally follows the modal verb in this verb phrase.
- 9. Use precise comparison noun Original: discrepancy Suggested revision: disparity Why it matters: Disparity more precisely describes a difference in social valuation.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Companies like Apple, Google, and Tesla, founded and led by visionary individuals with backgrounds in engineering and technology, have revolutionized the way we communicate, access information, and even travel, making those inventors and tech experts global icons and household names. Suggested revision: Companies such as Apple, Google and Tesla have transformed communication, access to information and travel, making their technology leaders household names. Why it matters: The revision preserves the example while reducing the overloaded modifiers and list structure.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Consequently, many individuals aspire to pursue careers in these fields, further amplifying their prominence in contemporary society. Suggested revision: Consequently, many people pursue careers in these fields, which further increases the fields' prominence in contemporary society. Why it matters: The revision makes the final pronoun reference explicit.
- 12. Reduce reason overlap Suggested revision: Link the practical-benefits paragraph explicitly to the preceding example and remove repeated statements about technology transforming daily life. Why it matters: The first two body paragraphs currently cover closely related ideas without a clear progression between them.
Suggested Rewrites
- professionals like professionals such as
- discuss that it is true argue that this is true
- in most cases in many countries in many countries
- a large sum of money and huge fame high incomes and considerable fame
- daily life and, hence are daily life and are therefore
- making those inventors making these innovators
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay directly answers both questions with a clear position and well-developed explanations centred on practical impact and economic value. Its main limitation is that the contrast with musicians and artists is largely asserted rather than analysed, while a few phrases are repetitive or awkward. Add one explicit comparison showing why artistic contributions receive less public recognition, and tighten repeated references to scientists and technology experts.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the extent and possible reasons are addressed directly, with relevant explanations and a concrete technology-industry example.
Strengthen the comparison by explaining explicitly why the benefits of music and art may be perceived as less immediate or measurable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, with each paragraph advancing from the position to practical benefits, economic reasons, and a concise conclusion.
Reduce repeated naming of scientists, engineers, and technology experts by using precise reference words where the meaning remains clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise, including effective terms for innovation, economic impact, and social status, with occasional awkward collocations.
Refine phrases such as “earn a large sum of money and huge fame” into more natural combinations such as “earn high incomes and widespread recognition.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few punctuation or agreement lapses do not impede communication.
Proofread commas around linking adverbs and dependent phrases, particularly the placement of “hence” in complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists in many countries. To what extent do you think that it is true? What could be the possible reasons for that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.