Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business?
Sample Response
Working as an employee brings many benefits. First of all, one can spend more time with his family helping his child do his homework, fishing with the whole family, etc. Second of all, one has fewer responsibilities. He does his job and does not care about the market, competitors, and expected profit. Third, one taking a vacation can forget about all troubles, relax and not worry about who does his job during his absence. Finally, an employee can always find a more interesting job with a higher salary.
On the other side, be self-employed have many benefits too. First of all, one knows the more he works, the more he gets. Another important reason for being self-employed is independence. One does not have to report to anyone except one’s self. However, in addition to these practical benefits, one gets more responsibilities to take care of.
To sum up, I think that be self-employed is not as easy as it may seem. A person must be self-confident, strong, patient. He must know exactly what he wants and be ready to sacrifice all his spare time for it. I have a family, and at this moment, I am not sure that I am ready to sacrifice my time for the job
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the pronoun Original: his Suggested revision: one’s Why it matters: The possessive should agree with the sentence’s indefinite pronoun “one.”
- 2. Keep pronouns consistent Original: his Suggested revision: one’s Why it matters: Maintain agreement with the earlier subject “one.”
- 3. Use neutral reference Original: his Suggested revision: their Why it matters: Singular “their” avoids assuming the child’s gender while retaining the intended meaning.
- 4. Use formal sequencing Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: This transition is more concise and appropriate for formal essay sequencing.
- 5. Maintain pronoun agreement Original: He does his job Suggested revision: One does one’s job Why it matters: The revision keeps the paragraph’s generic reference consistent.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: does not care about the market, competitors, and expected profit Suggested revision: does not have to manage the market, competitors, or expected profits Why it matters: The revision expresses reduced responsibility more precisely and uses natural coordination.
- 7. Fix the time phrase Original: one taking a vacation Suggested revision: one on vacation Why it matters: The reduced phrase avoids the awkward participial construction after the sequence marker.
- 8. Choose natural wording Original: all troubles Suggested revision: work-related concerns Why it matters: “All troubles” is overly broad and unnatural for worries connected to employment.
- 9. Align the possessive Original: his Suggested revision: one’s Why it matters: The possessive should remain consistent with the generic subject “one.”
- 10. Keep reference consistent Original: his Suggested revision: one’s Why it matters: This avoids shifting from generic “one” to masculine “his.”
- 11. Correct the transition Original: side Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the standard connector for presenting a contrasting perspective.
- 12. Fix subject and verb Original: be self-employed have Suggested revision: being self-employed has Why it matters: A gerund phrase acts as the singular subject and therefore takes “has.”
Suggested Rewrites
- his one’s
- his one’s
- his their
- Second of all Secondly
- He does his job One does one’s job
- does not care about the market, competitors, and expected profit does not have to manage the market, competitors, or expected profits
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers relevant reasons for employment and self-employment and follows a generally clear paragraph structure. However, it is under length and its personal preference remains mostly implicit, while several ideas are listed rather than fully explained; the highest priority is to state a direct choice early and develop two or three supporting reasons with specific explanation and examples in a response of at least 250 words.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant advantages of employment and self-employment are presented, but the preferred option is only implied and development is limited by the short length.
State the chosen work arrangement explicitly and support it with fully developed personal reasons and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is logical, although progression relies heavily on mechanical listing expressions and some points are loosely connected.
Organise each body paragraph around one central reason and use explanation rather than repeated ordinal linkers to create progression.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing employment, responsibility, independence, and sacrifice, despite some awkward word combinations.
Use more natural collocations, such as take a vacation, forget one's worries, and be accountable to oneself.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in verb forms and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Practise gerund and infinitive patterns, especially being self-employed and I think being self-employed is difficult.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.