Boys and girls should attend separate schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
Whether boys and girls should attend separate schools is a controversial issue. Some people believe that it brings many benefits. However, others believe that it is not good for the future of our children. I agree with those people who think that children should attend the same schools. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion.
First of all, children from the very beginning should learn how to communicate with each other. They need to learn social skills, be supportive and understand each other. Second of all, I believe that now women and men should be treated in the same way. A woman nowadays has the same rights as a man. She also wants to make a good career and succeed. So, it is essential in the modern world to understand that knowledge has nothing to do with a sex. Everyone has the same access to the knowledge and experience and it is only up to a person how hard he or she wants to work to reach his or her goals.
Another important aspect of this is that if children attend separate schools they do not have common interests. They do not know what a person of an opposite sex likes, how he or she spends her or his spare time, etc. I think that it is not good in a long run. Some of them will create a family someday and most likely will not have anything to share. They will not have common interests. They will have different friends and opinions about things. We had such experience a few centuries ago. Women grow up their children and men worked and gathered in the men' clubs in the evenings. I think it is not the way it should be. A family has many beautiful moments to share together.
To sum up, I think that children should attend the same schools because it will help them to become great, attentive and kind persons. Moreover, they will learn how to respect each other's interests.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: believe that it brings many benefits Suggested revision: believe that separate schooling brings many benefits Why it matters: Naming the subject removes the vague pronoun reference.
- 2. State the view directly Original: those people who think that children should attend the same schools Suggested revision: the view that children should attend coeducational schools Why it matters: This wording states the position more directly and precisely.
- 3. Reduce formulaic signposting Original: In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion. Suggested revision: I support coeducational schooling for the reasons discussed below. Why it matters: The revision keeps the signpost while expressing the position more concisely.
- 4. Use precise timing Original: from the very beginning Suggested revision: from an early age Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended stage of childhood more naturally.
- 5. Use formal sequencing Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: This transition is more concise and appropriately formal for an essay.
- 6. Improve word order Original: now women and men Suggested revision: women and men today Why it matters: Placing the time expression last makes the phrase more natural.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: make a good career Suggested revision: build a successful career Why it matters: English normally uses build or pursue rather than make with career.
- 8. Remove the article Original: a sex Suggested revision: sex Why it matters: Sex is used as an uncountable abstract noun in this expression.
- 9. Use general nouns Original: the knowledge and experience Suggested revision: knowledge and experience Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary when these nouns are used generally.
- 10. Correct the article Original: a person of an opposite sex Suggested revision: a person of the opposite sex Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the definite article before opposite sex.
- 11. Use singular they Original: her or his spare time Suggested revision: their spare time Why it matters: Singular their is concise and avoids the awkward reversal of pronouns.
- 12. Correct the fixed phrase Original: in a long run Suggested revision: in the long run Why it matters: The idiom requires the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- believe that it brings many benefits believe that separate schooling brings many benefits
- those people who think that children should attend the same schools the view that children should attend coeducational schools
- In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion. I support coeducational schooling for the reasons discussed below.
- from the very beginning from an early age
- Second of all Secondly
- now women and men women and men today
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and organises several relevant reasons into a logical progression. Its main limitation is that some claims about relationships and future family life are overgeneralised and only loosely supported, while recurring awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with a specific, credible example and express the resulting argument in more natural, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by relevant reasons, although several ideas rely on broad assumptions rather than well-developed evidence.
Develop each main reason with a specific example that demonstrates how mixed schooling produces the claimed benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct paragraphs, but linking is sometimes mechanical and key ideas are repeated rather than extended.
Use reference and progression more precisely so each sentence adds a new stage to the argument instead of restating the previous point.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss education, equality, and relationships, but recurring collocational and word-choice errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as making a career or creating a family with accurate, natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, though article, tense, agreement, and possessive errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences systematically for articles, verb forms, and possessives before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Boys and girls should attend separate schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.