Many people say that the 9/11 is a significant world event that has changed the world. Discuss the influence on world economy and other aspects taken by 9/11 incident.
Sample Response
On 11th September, the whole world was shocked by the terrorist attack on New York, the centre of American politics, finance and economy. Four airplanes crashed, two of which ruined the Twin Towerstwin trade towers, causing unprecedented losses. The New York StockStocked Exchange was forced to closewas forced to be halted for four days, and the financial area in Manhattan a week away. According to a report by the New York City governmentAccording to the report by New York Municipality, the attack resulted in a loss of 100 billion dollars, directly and indirectlydirect or indirect.
Undoubtedly, the 9/11 attacksUndoubtedly, 9/11 incident makes America's economyAmericas economy slide downward more sharply than ever before, with a decrease of DowDon Jones to 8,000 pointsat 8000 points shortly after the attack. In contrast with economic losses, the outlook for marketsthe perspective of markets has become more and more uncertain. Market orientated economy requires our confidence in economic rules. Investors are not willing to invest their capital inrelease their capital to the ever-changing market for fearmarket; for fear that they could not get the expected profit. 9/11 terrorist attack also caused many psychological problems for Americanscauses many psychological problems to the Americans. The instability of society discouraged them from travellingprohibited their trips outside, undermining their willingness to spendundermining their anxiety of consumption, which is a heavier attack on the stimulation of economic revival. On the other hand, we should not be too pessimistic about the positive effects of the attack. The crackdown on terrorism globally has connected American government with other countries, including China, which is beneficial to the capital market in the world. Furthermore, the war against terrorism stimulates American economy by the dimensional expenditure and cut down of taxes. An open financial market, flexible policy and advantageous information technology foretell vigorous opportunities for economic development. 9/11 incident is the largest catastrophe in human history, which not only deprived people of husbands, wives, relatives and friends but also made the world economy recede. We should adopt an optimistic attitude, overcoming the temporary recession and cultivating a prosperous future.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several relevant economic effects and extends the discussion to public anxiety and international cooperation, showing a clear attempt to address the full topic. Its impact is weakened by a single overlong body paragraph, loosely connected claims, and frequent inaccurate word combinations that sometimes obscure the intended meaning. Reorganise the discussion by type of influence and express each causal link in simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses economic, psychological, and international effects, but several claims are insufficiently explained or only loosely connected to the incident's influence.
Develop each non-economic effect with a clear cause-and-result explanation rather than moving quickly between broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall direction is identifiable, but most ideas are compressed into one long paragraph and several transitions do not express the actual relationship between claims.
Use separate paragraphs for economic decline, social effects, and international responses, with accurate logical connectors within each section.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes make meaning difficult to recover.
Prefer precise familiar terms such as stock index, consumer confidence, government spending, and tax cuts over unsuitable approximations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex sentence forms, although article, tense, possessive, punctuation, and clause-control errors occur regularly.
Control sentence boundaries and check articles, possessives, and tense consistency, especially in long sentences containing several causal ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that the 9/11 is a significant world event that has changed the world. Discuss the influence on world economy and other aspects taken by 9/11 incident.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.