In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
In many countries, the manner in which students conduct themselves in school is quite distressing. There are numerous reasons behind this development that have led to such alarming behavior in young children, especially adolescents. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on the causes and possible solutions to tackle this issue.
To begin with, children lack proper awareness of the diversions around them due to a lack of adult supervision. For example, since most parents are working professionals who do not have the time to educate their children on the good and bad, these young people crave attention and easily go astray. Additionally, unbridled access to social media and video games exposes them to violent activities that are imitated by them to stand out among their mates. Further, excessive pressure created due to academic competition and societal comparisons forces some students to act out. For instance, students either go into depression due to demotivation or become vicious towards classmates who are better than them. Therefore, these factors, coupled with unhealthy lifestyles and peer pressure, tend to make students unruly, which is reflected in their etiquette at school.
There are several measures that can be taken by the elders to manage the misconduct of students at school and at home. Firstly, parents, irrespective of their busy schedules, should take time to look after their wards. For instance, spouses should divide their chores among themselves and interact with the children before bedtime, and occasionally, make them feel special through various activities. Secondly, involving grandparents in the upbringing of the child can give both company and help them to learn from each other. Thirdly, teachers should be careful not to compare the students, as each child has unique capabilities and may not achieve the same thing. Lastly, both family members and teachers should control access to the internet or cruel games that might affect the child’s psyche.
To sum up, guardians or parents should motivate the students for their efforts and take care of their surroundings so that external influences or bad lifestyle do not affect their demeanor and make them ill-tempered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct phrase Original: reasons behind this development that have led to Suggested revision: factors behind Why it matters: This shorter phrase expresses the causal relationship more directly.
- 2. Resolve age mismatch Original: children Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Adolescents are not normally described as young children.
- 3. Avoid mixed collocation Original: solutions to tackle this issue Suggested revision: solutions to this issue Why it matters: A solution is to an issue, while a measure can tackle an issue.
- 4. Choose the intended noun Original: diversions Suggested revision: risks Why it matters: Diversions means distractions and does not convey the harmful influences described here.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: educate their children on the good and bad Suggested revision: teach their children right from wrong Why it matters: This idiomatic phrase states the intended moral guidance clearly.
- 6. Clarify the agent Original: violent activities that are imitated by them Suggested revision: violent content that they may imitate Why it matters: The active construction is clearer and avoids the awkward passive pronoun sequence.
- 7. Clarify the motive Original: stand out among their mates Suggested revision: gain attention from their peers Why it matters: This wording connects the imitation more precisely to the earlier claim that children crave attention.
- 8. Use concise causation Original: excessive pressure created due to Suggested revision: excessive pressure caused by Why it matters: Caused by is the natural and concise expression of causation here.
- 9. Fix subject agreement Original: forces Suggested revision: force Why it matters: The plural subject comparisons requires the plural verb force.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: go into depression Suggested revision: become depressed Why it matters: Become depressed is the more natural expression for the state described.
- 11. Choose precise wording Original: vicious Suggested revision: hostile Why it matters: Hostile accurately describes antagonistic behaviour toward classmates without implying physical savagery.
- 12. Correct the meaning Original: etiquette Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: Etiquette refers to formal manners and is too narrow for the misconduct discussed.
Suggested Rewrites
- reasons behind this development that have led to factors behind
- children people
- solutions to tackle this issue solutions to this issue
- diversions risks
- educate their children on the good and bad teach their children right from wrong
- violent activities that are imitated by them violent content that they may imitate
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions with a clear structure and several relevant supporting points, especially the links between adult supervision, media exposure, academic pressure, and school conduct. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in vocabulary and some loosely expressed causal claims; the highest-priority improvement is to use more natural collocations and develop each cause-solution link with sharper, more specific explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both parts with several relevant causes and practical solutions that are generally developed and supported.
Make the causal reasoning more precise and show more explicitly how each proposed measure addresses a particular cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, causes paragraph, solutions paragraph, and conclusion, with effective overall paragraphing.
Reduce formulaic sequencing and organise the longer body paragraphs around more tightly connected clusters of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, though recurring awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as “awareness of the diversions” and “cruel games” with more precise, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and errors rarely impede meaning.
Check agreement, articles, parallel structures, and pronoun reference carefully to remove the remaining local errors.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.