For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Shopping, by its definition, is an activity through which people visit shops and markets and purchase things and commodities they need. However, this is not always the truth and the terms like ‘hobby shopping’ and ‘shopaholic’ refer the excessive passions and inclination people have towards shopping and purchasing things that they rarely need. In my opinion, shopping habit that allure people to purchase things which they do not need is a bad habit and has more negative aspects.
To begin with, we live in a materialistic world and people take pride on the earthly possessions they have. Our moral should be in helping people who are in need, not amassing our own fortune. The excessive shopping habit thus diminishes the true humanity and nurture a hypocrite mentality among people. It is a well-known fact that if someone starts purchasing things that he does not need at all, someday he will not be able to purchase things that he really needs.
Second, shopping is an activity that without any doubt gives a shopper a sense of satisfaction and pleasure. However, if someone starts shopping too much, he is bound to be restricted to this activity only while his time for socialising and outdoor activities would be consumed by the time he will spend for shopping. Purchasing things that we do not need is a habit that makes us greedy and imprudent. If we allow ourselves to practice this, we will surely deviate from other morality and quality of life.
Finally, pleasure shopping supporters are contented about the fact that they are doing something that makes them happy and they think it is a good way to purchase for the future and who knows when we need what! However, they do not realise that they are spending money and time on something that has no real value. Shopping should be for fulfilling our necessity, not for our personal pleasure.
In conclusion, shopping as an entertainment is not a good trend in our personal and social life. We should invest our time and money on more productive activities to make the world even better.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix article and agreement Original: shopping habit that allure Suggested revision: a shopping habit that allures Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article, and its verb must agree with it.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: has more negative aspects Suggested revision: has more negative than positive effects Why it matters: The original comparison is incomplete because it does not state what the negative aspects exceed.
- 3. Fix the collocation Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The fixed expression is take pride in something.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: earthly Suggested revision: material Why it matters: Material possessions fits the essay's consumerism context more precisely.
- 5. Use natural expression Original: diminishes the true humanity Suggested revision: diminishes our humanity Why it matters: Our humanity is the natural expression for the human quality being weakened.
- 6. Fix verb agreement Original: nurture Suggested revision: nurtures Why it matters: The singular subject habit requires the third-person singular verb nurtures.
- 7. Use adjective form Original: hypocrite Suggested revision: hypocritical Why it matters: The adjective hypocritical is required to modify mentality.
- 8. Reduce wordiness Original: purchasing things that he does not need at all Suggested revision: buying things he does not need Why it matters: The revision preserves the meaning with more direct wording.
- 9. Use formal register Original: someday Suggested revision: eventually Why it matters: Eventually is more appropriate than someday for this formal cause-and-effect claim.
- 10. Make wording concise Original: activity that without any doubt gives Suggested revision: activity that undoubtedly gives Why it matters: Undoubtedly expresses the same qualification more concisely.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: practice this Suggested revision: continue this habit Why it matters: Continue this habit identifies the behaviour more clearly than the vague phrase practice this.
- 12. Repair unclear meaning Original: deviate from other morality and quality of life Suggested revision: undermine our moral standards and quality of life Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended harmful effect with natural and coherent wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- shopping habit that allure a shopping habit that allures
- has more negative aspects has more negative than positive effects
- on in
- earthly material
- diminishes the true humanity diminishes our humanity
- nurture nurtures
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its firm, consistent position and its clear sequence of reasons against shopping as entertainment. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision, while several claims are asserted in moral terms rather than fully demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to support each consequence with concrete reasoning and revise unnatural word combinations and agreement errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is maintained and supported by several relevant consequences, although some arguments are broad or insufficiently evidenced.
Explain the causal link behind each claimed social or personal harm and add a concrete illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and logical overall progression, though some internal links are mechanical and a few sentences become cumbersome.
Strengthen progression within paragraphs by connecting each claim directly to its supporting explanation.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but recurrent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make the expression unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as take pride in, meet necessities, and develop unhealthy attitudes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the message clearly, but agreement, article, preposition, and clause-control errors recur.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and article and preposition accuracy, then simplify overly long sentence structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.