An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centres rather than smaller, more traditional shops?
Sample Response
There are arguments to suggest that a rising number of commercial establishments such as malls and supermarket have resulted in a decrease in the number of small-scale business stores. There are several positive outcomes behind this trend and a considerable number of potential drawbacks. Primarily, it could be argued that in some large scale commercial establishments, there are a variety of selections about personal commodities such as clothing, shoes, and bags. There is a view that well-developed shops have to increase the supply of their products because some small commercial establishment cannot provide the entire goods to the public. Taking into consideration the local store which has a limited supply of personal goods in a remote area, it seems apparent that some store owners have paucity in the investment of commercial goods, thus they cannot maximise the supply and demand of their business. Furthermore, it is often claimed that there is an amenable price in some more affluent shopping centres that some developing merchandises. Many people consider that there is an additional cost for some products available in the local store due to some owners who procure the supply of their shop to other large distributors of goods. For instance, the store keeper will gain a higher profitable income if they obtain some products to some higher commercial distributors, which sell cheap consumer goods. As a result, there will be an advantage for local store keepers. In contrast, it can never be denied that there are negative effects of opting to large shops. Firstly, there is a strong argument that the location of these establishments is often located at the city centre thereby it would be a burden for those people who live in a rural place to purchase their personal goods. Secondly, it is often claimed that in some local stores, there are reasons to suggest that there are residents who have developed relationship with some store keeper, therefore it might be the case that the customer could ask a favorable grant to some small stores such as lending a market good and paying it at a definite time. In my opinion, a variety of selection in large shops could make the customers confused on which items will be the best. Moreover, it is debatable that those products with low price are the ones which are outdated and leftover of the previous peak sale. To conclude, there are favourable outcomes of choosing large commercial centre. However, it is indubitable that the positives are outweighed by the negative outcomes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: malls and supermarket Suggested revision: malls and supermarkets Why it matters: The plural list requires the count noun to be plural.
- 2. Use natural noun phrase Original: small-scale business stores Suggested revision: small businesses Why it matters: This shorter phrase expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: positive outcomes behind this trend Suggested revision: benefits of this trend Why it matters: Benefits collocates naturally with the preposition of.
- 4. Clarify product range Original: a variety of selections about personal commodities Suggested revision: a wide selection of personal goods Why it matters: The original phrase uses unnatural collocations for describing a range of products.
- 5. Match plural determiner Original: some small commercial establishment Suggested revision: some small commercial establishments Why it matters: Some requires a plural count noun here.
- 6. Use correct quantifier Original: the entire goods Suggested revision: all the goods Why it matters: Entire does not naturally modify the plural count noun goods.
- 7. Clarify limited investment Original: have paucity in the investment of commercial goods Suggested revision: have limited funds to invest in commercial goods Why it matters: The revision states the financial limitation clearly and idiomatically.
- 8. Correct business collocation Original: maximise the supply and demand of their business Suggested revision: maximise their stock and sales Why it matters: A store owner can increase stock and sales but cannot maximise market supply and demand in this sense.
- 9. Describe affordable prices Original: there is an amenable price Suggested revision: prices are more affordable Why it matters: Amenable does not describe prices, whereas affordable expresses the intended meaning.
- 10. Clarify sourcing Original: procure the supply of their shop to other large distributors of goods Suggested revision: obtain their stock from large distributors Why it matters: The revision uses the correct verb and preposition for sourcing shop stock.
- 11. Avoid redundant phrasing Original: gain a higher profitable income Suggested revision: earn a higher profit Why it matters: Profit already conveys profitable income, so the original phrase is redundant.
- 12. Correct source preposition Original: obtain some products to some higher commercial distributors Suggested revision: obtain products from larger commercial distributors Why it matters: From is required to identify the source of the products.
Suggested Rewrites
- malls and supermarket malls and supermarkets
- small-scale business stores small businesses
- positive outcomes behind this trend benefits of this trend
- a variety of selections about personal commodities a wide selection of personal goods
- some small commercial establishment some small commercial establishments
- the entire goods all the goods
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response considers both sides and offers several relevant points, including product choice, price, access, and personal service. Its main weakness is that explanations are often unclear or internally inconsistent, while inaccurate word combinations and sentence construction repeatedly strain meaning. The highest priority is to organise each side into a separate paragraph and develop each point through a clear cause-and-effect explanation focused directly on shoppers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed and a conclusion is given, but several ideas are confusing, unevenly developed, or diverted toward storekeepers rather than shoppers.
Develop two or three clearly relevant benefits and drawbacks by explaining exactly how each one affects customers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable overall sequence and uses signposting, but the single-paragraph presentation and mechanical linking weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one clear controlling idea in each.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use varied and less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer precise, natural combinations such as wider product range, lower prices, and buy on credit instead of forcing unfamiliar formal expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is attempted, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, plurals, prepositions, and clause control reduce accuracy and clarity.
Use shorter complex sentences with clearly controlled subjects and verbs, then check articles, noun forms, and prepositions systematically.
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