An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centres rather than smaller, more traditional shops?
Sample Response
There are arguments to suggest that a rising number of commercial establishments such as malls and supermarketssupermarket have resulted in a decrease in the number of small businessessmall-scale business stores. There are several benefits of this trendpositive outcomes behind this trend and a considerable number of potential drawbacks. Primarily, it could be argued that in some large scale commercial establishments, there are a wide selection of personal goodsa variety of selections about personal commodities such as clothing, shoes, and bags. There is a view that well-developed shops have to increase the supply of their products because some small commercial establishmentsestablishment cannot provide all the goodsthe entire goods to the public. Taking into consideration the local store which has a limited supply of personal goods in a remote area, it seems apparent that some store owners have limited funds to invest in commercial goodshave paucity in the investment of commercial goods, thus they cannot maximise their stock and salesmaximise the supply and demand of their business. Furthermore, it is often claimed that prices are more affordablethere is an amenable price in some more affluent shopping centres that some developing merchandises. Many people consider that there is an additional cost for some products available in the local store due to some owners who obtain their stock from large distributorsprocure the supply of their shop to other large distributors of goods. For instance, the store keeper will earn a higher profitgain a higher profitable income if they obtain products from larger commercial distributorsobtain some products to some higher commercial distributors, which sell cheap consumer goods. As a result, there will be an advantage for local store keepers. In contrast, it can never be denied that there are negative effects of opting forto large shops. Firstly, these establishments are often located in the city centrethere is a strong argument that the location of these establishments is often located at the city centre thereby it would be a burden for those people who live in a rural place to purchase their personal goods. Secondly, it is often claimed that in some local stores, there are reasons to suggest that there are residents who have developed relationships with local shopkeepershave developed relationship with some store keeper, therefore it might be the case that the customer could ask a favorable grant to some small stores such as lending a market good and paying it at a definite time. In my opinion, a variety of selection in large shops could make the customers confused on which items will be the best. Moreover, it is debatable that those products with low price are the ones which are outdated and leftover of the previous peak sale. To conclude, there are favourable outcomes of choosing large commercial centre. However, it is indubitable that the positives are outweighed by the negative outcomes.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response considers both sides and offers several relevant points, including product choice, price, access, and personal service. Its main weakness is that explanations are often unclear or internally inconsistent, while inaccurate word combinations and sentence construction repeatedly strain meaning. The highest priority is to organise each side into a separate paragraph and develop each point through a clear cause-and-effect explanation focused directly on shoppers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed and a conclusion is given, but several ideas are confusing, unevenly developed, or diverted toward storekeepers rather than shoppers.
Develop two or three clearly relevant benefits and drawbacks by explaining exactly how each one affects customers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable overall sequence and uses signposting, but the single-paragraph presentation and mechanical linking weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one clear controlling idea in each.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use varied and less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer precise, natural combinations such as wider product range, lower prices, and buy on credit instead of forcing unfamiliar formal expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is attempted, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, plurals, prepositions, and clause control reduce accuracy and clarity.
Use shorter complex sentences with clearly controlled subjects and verbs, then check articles, noun forms, and prepositions systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centres rather than smaller, more traditional shops?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.