For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Shopping malls, these days, are considered major leisure destinationsmajor recreational spots by many while most people used to visit them out of necessityfor necessity in the past. There are several reasons why modern shopping centres have become an important venuespot for people's leisure activities. This new trend has many negative effectsimpacts on people and society as a whole and should therefore be regardedso should be treated as a negative trend.
Modern shopping complexes have become an epicentre offor social gatheringspeople's social gatherings and recreationrecreations for several reasons. First, they offer many amenities and shoppers tend to enjoy browsing in different shopsroaming around different markets both to purchase what they like and to socialiseboth for purchasing what they like and socialising. For instance, many pupils prefer to meet up in a shopping mall, watch a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say this reduces the stress of the exams and helps them relaxmakes them relaxed. Besides, with the decline of public open spacesopen places and parks, many families gather at large shopping malls to enjoy their holidays.
As a consequence, the youngeryoung generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the relief from stress provided by outdoor activitiesthe stress relief provided by the outdoor world. This drains the energydrains out the energy of young peoplethe youth and makes them lethargic. For example, a walk in a park or a day at the beacha day on a beach is more refreshingrefreshes the soul more evidently than a day in a mall. Besides, due to the an excessive attachment to shoppingexcessive affection towards shopping, many people become shopaholics and get into debt.
To conclude, citizens should not spend their free time atin shopping malls as there are better alternatives. It is hoped that people will visit a mall only for essential shoppinggo to a shopping mall to do essential shopping but spend their free time outdoors to enjoy the beauty of nature and take part in open-air activities
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear negative position and supports it with a sensible explanation of why malls now attract leisure visitors, using relevant examples and logical progression. Its main limitation is that several claims about health, energy, and nature remain broad or are asserted rather than fully explained, while some collocations sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal analysis of each negative effect and express those links with more precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions directly, maintains a clear negative position, and supports its main ideas with relevant examples.
Develop the claimed effects on well-being and debt through fuller causal explanation rather than moving quickly from assertion to conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs, with clear progression from causes to negative consequences and conclusion.
Use a wider range of precise logical links so that relationships between individual claims are explicit rather than relying repeatedly on general connectors.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and includes effective topic language, although several combinations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as excessive affection towards shopping and drains out the energy with natural, context-specific collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex sentences is used with generally strong control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Proofread for omitted subjects, article choices, and minor sentence-ending errors while preserving the existing structural range.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.