For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Shopping malls, these days, are considered major recreational spots by many while most people used to visit them for necessity in the past. There are several reasons why modern shopping centres have become an important spot for people's leisure activities. This new trend has many negative impacts on people and society as a whole so should be treated as a negative trend.
Modern shopping complexes have become an epicentre for people's social gatherings and recreations for several reasons. First, they offer many amenities and shoppers tend to enjoy roaming around different markets both for purchasing what they like and socialising. For instance, many pupils prefer to meet up in a shopping mall, watch a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say this reduces the stress of the exams and makes them relaxed. Besides, with the decline of open places and parks, many families gather at large shopping malls to enjoy their holidays.
As a consequence, the young generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the stress relief provided by the outdoor world. This drains out the energy of the youth and makes them lethargic. For example, a walk in a park or a day on a beach refreshes the soul more evidently than a day in a mall. Besides, due to the excessive affection towards shopping, many people become shopaholics and get into debt.
To conclude, citizens should not spend their free time in shopping malls as there are better alternatives. It is hoped that people will go to a shopping mall to do essential shopping but spend their free time outdoors to enjoy the beauty of nature and take part in open-air activities
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural necessity phrase Original: for necessity Suggested revision: out of necessity Why it matters: “Out of necessity” is the idiomatic phrase for acting only when something is required.
- 2. Use precise venue noun Original: spot Suggested revision: venue Why it matters: “Venue” is more precise than the repeated, informal noun “spot” for a place of leisure.
- 3. Clarify coordination Original: so should be treated Suggested revision: and should therefore be regarded Why it matters: The coordinating conjunction makes the second predicate’s relationship to the subject clear.
- 4. Correct epicentre preposition Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: “Epicentre” takes “of” when naming the activity concentrated in a place.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: recreations Suggested revision: recreation Why it matters: “Recreation” is uncountable when referring generally to leisure activity.
- 6. Remove redundant possessive Original: people's social gatherings Suggested revision: social gatherings Why it matters: A gathering already refers to people, so the possessive is unnecessary.
- 7. Describe mall activity precisely Original: roaming around different markets Suggested revision: browsing in different shops Why it matters: Mall visitors browse shops; “roaming around markets” inaccurately describes the setting and activity.
- 8. Restore parallel structure Original: both for purchasing what they like and socialising Suggested revision: both to purchase what they like and to socialise Why it matters: The paired construction requires parallel infinitive forms after “both” and “and.”
- 9. Use natural verb pattern Original: makes them relaxed Suggested revision: helps them relax Why it matters: “Help” followed by an object and bare infinitive is the natural way to describe this effect.
- 10. Use precise public-space term Original: open places Suggested revision: public open spaces Why it matters: The revision clearly identifies parks and similar outdoor communal areas.
- 11. Use natural age phrase Original: young Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: “The younger generation” is the conventional comparative phrase for young people as a group.
- 12. Clarify outdoor benefit Original: the stress relief provided by the outdoor world Suggested revision: the relief from stress provided by outdoor activities Why it matters: “Outdoor world” is vague, while the revision links stress relief directly to the activities discussed.
Suggested Rewrites
- for necessity out of necessity
- spot venue
- so should be treated and should therefore be regarded
- for of
- recreations recreation
- people's social gatherings social gatherings
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear negative position and supports it with a sensible explanation of why malls now attract leisure visitors, using relevant examples and logical progression. Its main limitation is that several claims about health, energy, and nature remain broad or are asserted rather than fully explained, while some collocations sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal analysis of each negative effect and express those links with more precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions directly, maintains a clear negative position, and supports its main ideas with relevant examples.
Develop the claimed effects on well-being and debt through fuller causal explanation rather than moving quickly from assertion to conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs, with clear progression from causes to negative consequences and conclusion.
Use a wider range of precise logical links so that relationships between individual claims are explicit rather than relying repeatedly on general connectors.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and includes effective topic language, although several combinations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as excessive affection towards shopping and drains out the energy with natural, context-specific collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex sentences is used with generally strong control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Proofread for omitted subjects, article choices, and minor sentence-ending errors while preserving the existing structural range.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.